Take out your bad day on my Cover Letter....

How do you guys like this cover letter? I tried to use some of the ideas I got on M&I, while trying to twist it. I didn't want a four paragraph letter as I feel those are too long.

I have a unique situation in that I am a couple years out of school with no IM or IB experience, so I want to have a compelling cover letter. Please feel free to tear it apart....

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Chim Panzee and I would like to apply for your open analyst position. I have a business degree from the University of Florida, co-founded a corporation at age 18 and a few years of experience as an independent investor. (A line or two of why I want to work at the company would go here)

I have an excellent working knowledge of the financial markets from my academic and real world background. I graduated from college in 2010 with a 3.67 GPA and a degree in business management. While in college I was able to successfully manage a company I co-founded, excel in my course load and
participate in numerous extracurricular activities. After graduation I continued on an entrepreneurial path and expanded 'My Company' with the assistance of my finance and analytical skills. I would now like to take my experience in PE, investments and finance to showcase my desire and passion to enter into investment management.

My resume is attached to provide further details of my experience and accomplishments. I welcome the opportunity to discuss my qualifications with you and learn more about XYZ. I can be reached at 123-524-1234 or via email at [email protected]. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Chim Panzee