From Hedge Fund to Post Office--Why I failed, Where I'm Going, all in 4 easy years after college
hey
I was a rising star in college. Broke my way to 2 different, small businesses (hedge fund, IB, both extremely extremely small shops with very little space). Fast forward 4 years, I'm getting my Mail-Carrier's uniform soon and start carrying mail in the next few days.
I've failed. You can see my shitpost (ie. long-form) post in my brofile, but seriously, it's basically taht. Went from student rockstar, gullible and naive, to failure.
I don't mean to downplay the severity of mail carriers; we'll be working MD hours, but at under 17$hour. We will be yelled at, not because a deal broke down but becuase we didn't sort mail fast enough.
I've got shit. Family's a wreck, career's in bandages, my health isn't what it was.
Wasn't a bad dude. YOu'd want this to happen to some dude who beat you up in College or who bullied you to ruin in high school. I was not that dude. I was the guy to whom those things were being done.
I gave to charity, I welcomed all folks of all backgrounds, sexual orientations, etc. What did I do to deserve this? I don't have any further options other than stay as a carrier or go back to the "back office" where I'll be lucky to pull 18$/hour and be stuck there for the remainder of my career (everything derogatory about how the Back Office is a bad place for career-oriented folks is TRUE). My frenemies, enemies and assailants are bringing in 400,000 or more from tech, corporate, and/or Drs, lawyer, banker, engineering careers. Some of them were awful awful people. You probably know who you are
Yet I carry the mail. I'll have to find something other than my career to satisfy me. It can't be my family--they're either caring for crazy people or ARE the crazy people--it can't be my hobbies--a shoulder injury stops me from doing anything fun outside. It can't be video games--that's a life wasted (and again, we mailmen/women work 60-80 hours!)
So, in short
Goddangit
if you are indeed delivery packages...then you really should apply for an intro level staff job at all of the big4 accounting firms (EY, KPMG, Deloiitte, PWC)
They pay 55-60k/year your 1st year, and then raises every year until you hit ~250k at 10 years. many people leave before then and take similar jobs at their clients (often for a pay raise)...i strongly suggest this
Thank you IronChef!
I have applied several times before
What's the end goal at these jobs? what will they ask me to do?
Will I ever really build skills that will get me where I'd want to be?
Appreciate the input. Damn, if you're the sole willing participant in this thread, guess floundering horror-stories dont attract a lot of curiosity on this website
also realize that 50% of every entry class to the Big4 leaves after year 2-3...often they go to their corporate clients....so this is a great stepping stone (similar to how many people view IB as a stepping stone to exit ops....different exit ops, but still).
I’m sorry all that shit happened to you, life really is cruel sometimes.
I’m in college myself so I’ll refrain from giving you any advice. However, as ironchef said, you could go the big 4 path. As a person who wants to do RE, have you considered that? If you have some relevant finance experience and can sell your story, perhaps it would be possible to land a job as an analyst at a brokerage and move up the ladder. Again, I don’t know how plausible this would be, hopefully someone can help you here. But doesn’t seem like a bad path to take.
One thing I will say is go talk to a therapist, get it all off your chest and clear your head. It’ll help you.
^ Currently an Analyst at boutique REPE. Didn't get a return offer from my SA stints so I went this route after graduation. Hence my name, I'm a non-target guy and non-diversity so I had to make something work. Going to use this position as an exit op hopefully to move into HF or IB. Keep grinding @OP , I completely know where you are coming from.
I'm assuming you're 25-27 ish if you're 4 years out of college. I agree that you need to line your pockets in the interim, so the mail room gig is fine, but you can not throw in your towel now brother. I think you need to get rid of any bullshit baller expectations, and realize that it's not game over. You simply have a longer/non-traditional path ahead of you. You need to land an entry level job that builds a broader skill set that leads to more exit ops down the line, or somewhere you can advance linearly in terms of pay (like Deloitte as Ironchef mentioned). I'm not saying you're going to be a fucking rain maker by next year, but finance pays well by any standards. Apply everywhere and reach out to everybody you can. Yes this might sound familiar, but it's a fucking grind for a lot of people right now. FWIW, This has been a crazy year for everybody man (that's not to downplay your story, but just to let you know a lot of people are hurting with you as well). Cry for a couple days jerk off whatever the fuck you need to do, but get your shit head together and get out of this mess man.
Be Charles Bukowski 2.0
What do you mean, like the writer Charles Bukowski? Why
EDIT: no $ in writing or activism unless you are extremely lucky (think of celebrity content producers, even they have their waxes and wanes)
He famously worked for the post office...
I think you need to do a little more self-reflection about why you "failed". I really don't know why I'm responding because it seems like you need actual help from a licensed professional but I'll throw in my two cents. You say you worked at a small HF and a specialized boutique in college but weren't able to convert either into ft offers. While these are, no doubt, great experiences, EVERYBODY at my bank did some sort of small-time internship prior to landing their FT ib roles so you need to realize it's a lot more competitive than you think and frankly your background isn't as much of a "rockstar" background as you think. Adding onto this, you comments about your coworker being "jealous" and shooting you the "evil eye". Dude you sound kinda arrogant and I have no doubt your attitude rubbed off on your co-workers in a way that made them feel as if you think you're better than them. Here's a hot-take, people actually enjoy seeing people they like, succeed. I'd recommend that you look inward before blaming the world and bad luck for your "failures".
Be me.
Work for HF/IB. Each is the size of a pancake, essentially no room for interns to --> ft. ==No return offer
FFW 3 years, "why am I getting bad offers bros what do?"
WSO boomerbrains: "it's all about your attitude, bro. Just be cool bro. It's not that hard bro. It's all your attitude, bro, it' turns people off bro"
Boomerbrains go to a pub across from Elite Ivory-tower HF, where braggarts, billionaires and bastards are born akin ;) ;O);
Full-time HFT analyst, face shaven with crystal and hair a-pomp, flies into the bar, and sits a few tables across from BoomerBrain
"scrchhchc"
The swell of BoomerBrain's balls nearly causes his boxers to tear. an analyst at IVORY TOWERINVESTMENTS??? !! BoomerBrain saunters over,to greet--*maybe even shake the hands*--of said ivy-league banking analyst.
"E-excuse me, are you Dr Towers? I--I saw you walk in from IvyTowersInvestments across the street, I wond-"
Dr Towers of IvoryTowersInvestments seems not to see you. Perhaps the roar of your epididmi engorging caused hearing damage?
"e-ex-excuse me, are you Dr Towers from across the street?"
The analyst glances at the bar behind you.
"who are you, exactly?"
"i--I'm Analyst 1 in IB-Gen"
silence....silence.
You freeze for a moment ""what did I do wrong? why isn't he shaking my hand?""
"I--was wondering if maybe we could--"
"good, later!"
The silence resumes. You strain to think of something to say.
"I-I would loveto chat sometime. Perhaps now since we're the only 2 people in the restuarant?"
"sure, later".
Silence. "wow! I FINALLY get to meet DrLewis Towers from Ivory Towers Investments! Wait'll my wife's boyfriend sees this!"
"would you like to see some valuation models I put toget--"
"stop. out"
Dr Towers finishes his meal and gets out his wallet. Satin cow's leather. not from a bovine. From a whale cow.. "would you--would you like my email for further contacts? Let's meet up tomorrow"
"I'm booked"
"Saturday??"
"---..._"
"wednesday?"
" "
Finally you convince Dr Towers to get your email, though "I'll get it from our MD--she has your email already"
//
Wow. What a lucky stud. YOU got Dr Lewis Towers, analyst at IvoryTowersInvestments, to speak with you!!! and a smart, kind and brilliant man he was! A big-whig analyst was so egalitarian, so generous, so considerate, he even accepted your email "from his boss"!! What a considerate man!
BoomerBrains walks out, skipping to the tune of flowers and jolly tunes. "it's a beautiful day in the banking district...a wonderful day in the banking disctrict...."
You walk by a broken investment analyst, working on the side of the road. She is packaging mail. "dear YWHW, Dear Jesus, Dear Buddha, why am I working the mail route? I have 3 investing internships and sql abilities!"
"what a jealous, arrogant, cocky asshole!" you say. "You should take responsibility for why YOU didn't convert those experiences to FT offers! I got a full-time offer! so anyone can! If you want to be a baller, you need to suck off everyone you meet and cope. what's your problem? you arrogant sod!"
The mail worker gives you a package to your address. You open it up. 4 erect sex objects, from 60-90 centimeters, line the package. YOu lift it up. "for Mrs BoomerBrain...For Mrs BoomerBrains..another black dildo for Mrs BoomerBrains...AH! 90 cm for ME!"
---I agree, full time conversion would be nice, the groups I worked for were small enough where basically no one converts to FT.
There's a duality to saying "you're arrogant" in highly coveted careers. --if you don't make it but have >40% and <100% of the qualifications to find a finance gig, you're a "jackass" because we are low enough where you can take pot shots at failed IB analysts; because we're toothless to stop you, to sabotage your career, to call the armies of other investment analysts to crash your argument, to stymie your careers, you project the arrogance of a real high-finance analyst because you know we cannot harm your career.
All alivate/ejaculate for the bigwhigs in finance. you admire the actually arrogant WINNERS, even though these are the people (maybe <80%?) who will spit on your back and walk out on you. But you DARE NOT call them haughty, lest they fire you, block you from conventions, or stymie your career. You dare not argue with their behavior, however callous. You're the dog on his back begging the pack leader to feed you a carcass. You sicken only the disenfranchised because we are the only fools brave/brazen enough to call you out on your callow hypocrisy. You wouldn't EVER call an IB analyst at a middle-market fund arrogant, blame them for the faults of others, or chide them for going for what they want. You would NEVER claim to read the minds of their coworkers, to know what goes down in offices you've never seen, or pontificate about stuff you never have experienced.
Finally, actually-successful IB analysts don't have to deal with failures and wannabees. They can work (albiet extremely difficult lives! It's not easy whoever you are in this world!) You're like simps who salivate over rockstars and movie celebs because "omg he is LITERALLY ME". in reality celebrities wouldn't chat with you except for publicity stunts and wouldn't ever want to be ya....
Monkepilled
Final edit: I go a bit extra on the banker memes--I know most HFT analysts aren't wearing cow-whale's leather or cutting folks off at bars. But I do see this behavior and while I Don't give a fuck, I DO when someone calls me the asshole but would grovel and snivel for an ACTUAL IB analyst who wouldn't ever want to be where we are (the comment I'm responding to and mine)
You actually have the worldview of a middle-schooler and it makes me a little sad. Here's another hot take for ya- you can admire imperfect people for their accomplishments without endorsing their bad behaviors. Might want to take a break from 4chan and while I respect the effortful meme, you simply can't have the autistic attitude you do if you ever wanna break back into finance. +sb for the meme because that's just the kind of person I am :)
another option....if you search in indeed, you will see many job openings for analyst type jobs...mostly not "classic IB Analyst" but very similar...all the banks have myriads of groups that are periodically looking to hire to replace an analyst / associate that leaves.
If you search Indeed.com in NYC 5 mile radius for the search term "analyst" i get 2200 job openings right now. I'm sure that your experience qualifies you for hundreds of them. Think of these jobs as stepping stones...they mostly pay in the 60k-100k range (some higher) but you are not looking for your end goal job...you are looking for an entry point...and remember, its always easier to get a job when you currently have a similar job..it just always makes you more attractive.
https://www.indeed.com/jobs?q=Analyst&l=New+York%2C+NY&radius=5
Can you even network into analyst jobs? Many of them seem to target fresh grads and I have the feeling that preference will be given to fresh grads.
I SB'd IronChef204 , and wish I could SB again. He's been helpful and I can't imagine what brought some random dude on WSO to help out like this.
I have not applied to any NYC jobs, will apply to as many as I can now.
I have done this for my home region (a few metros in a few small states), so I want to stress that I haven't waited for something to fall in my lap--Just haven't looked outside my region : ).
If you’re interested in tech, PM me. Happy to help however I can.
Appreciated Malta
Mate I went to a target school, I had to cancel my study abroad first semester Senior year to recruit FT on campus since I did not get SA. I landed my first Analyst job, then got BS’d/pushed out after a year with no unemployment, had a gap for more than 1 year literally could not land anything despite my efforts/good background, now at a non-name as an analyst, 60-70k yr.
God damn that sucks.
I want to stress this, even if someone was target, you could wind up being a corporate cog with low-employment prospects 3 years later. The wafer between success and belittlement is crazy thin. I'll bet you're a smart, decent dude, and yet here you are.
not trashing no-name businesses, only that this "wafer" is bizarrely thin and cringe.
Hope you win in the end
Thank you for sharing your story!
Newman on Seinfeld was a mailman. Seems like an easy gig.
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