Telling your seniors you are in therapy?
I am in therapy and I have had a few personal issues recently which have impacted my work. I am getting all my work done but due to certain personal issues my mind has been elsewhere and I am just doing the bare minimum. I am nowhere near working at my full capability.
I am in some pretty intense therapy.
Do I let my 2 senior managers know that I am in therapy or not?
I let my direct line manager know but he has moved to another team but is still my line manager.
For the past few weeks I have started working with thse 2 very senior managers and I want to let them know the whole situation.
idk man, just do the best you can with your job and don’t say anything
Unless you have to go on short term disability, then you have to speak up.
Millions of people around the world don’t receive the right amount of chemicals or the right chemicals to the brain and maybe they are less happy during they day, but when the numbers come in, there are two people on the cutting block. One does their shit and the other doesn’t - you do the math.
If you are in such need of therapy, take some time off and come back full force, better than ever. Don’t be all ‘bare minimum’ shit because that will just slowly chip away at your reputation and just is a bullshit thing to do. The people who just do the bare minimum are always destined to mediocrity, so you’re putting yourself to in that group for an undefined amount of time. Don’t get comfortable there, you don’t want to be there. Take some time off and book a fucking month trip to Thailand or something and get piss ass wasted and wake up on the beach one day after a full moon party on Ko Pha-ngan and realize that you had the CHANCE to have it all. You only had to bust your ass.
No one really wants to be mediocre, but it’s easier staying on the couch and not doing shit or opting out of heavy work assignments as you don’t want to do for some reason. But, you have to be the change you seek in the world (Ghandi). So first - what are you seeking to change in the world? Answer that and the motivation for it will be right around the corner. Goodbye mediocrity - if you are willing to take on the challenge.
Seriously fuck it - shake things up - book a trip to any city you want and take a break if needed. Better to go down partying your ass off than living one more day in mediocrity.
Therapy is all around you. Therapy is breathing. Therapy is meditation. The elements are therapy (wind, ground, heat (fire), water). 420 = therapeutic, and on and on and on. There is a way, but it is not mediocrity...
What the is the whole situation?
Did you drive H1s and have PTSD from IEDs / not stopping?
Is it transcranial stimulation (TMS)? I met one neuroscientist that did intense therapy sessions like that for vets.
Not sure of why I got all the MS - just trying to be blunt.
I get it - it’s a sensitive subject for many.
Some are just genetically gifted and do not have any disorders from the DSM V right?
If you have some feelings about it - open the discussion because I have been through every part of therapy, intense / not instense, BS, not BS, research in neuroscience as an intern in biotech clinical trials as well as neuroimaging and fMRI data analysis. I also have a disorder and manage it well, according to my MD.
My point is - you handle your shit or you don’t handle your shit. The seats in an office are for people that handle their shit. If you hire someone with tourettes as a librarian, you’re an idiot.
Everyone has needs - but in no way does everyone need to be mediocre. We can all shine in our own unique way and if anyone just settles to be depressed in a mediocre low performing position - that’s just horse shit. Follow your passion and always give 100% to it - that is what I believe. Pretty simple.
You think a 100IQ person is going to be a PhD physicist? Unlikely. 90IQ astronaut? Huh?
I’m sorry if you’re not used to the clear lines that neuroscience and genetics have drawn for each and every one of us. We must make the best of the hand we are dealt.
This book by Kandel is good (Nobel Prize winner) for the science behind a lot of things relating to the DSM V (directly and indirectly). Pretty interesting.
I'm a firm believer in that 200 mg of testosterone cypionate a week will change anyone's life.
firm? lol
I found your comment inspiring.
By calling everyone else sensitive you're just doubling down on your original post. The issue isn't other people's sensitivity or your lack of sensitivity.
Problem with your post is, you don't know enough about OP's situation (because OP doesn't tell us enough) to make the recommendation you're making. Your post also reeks of that empty hardass nonsense that's way to common these days, all about giving 100% and "this is how the real world works" and so forth. Reminds me of Dr. Gus from Billions.
OP might be in a position where hitting singles every day is better than taking time off. Or alternatively you might be right - it might be a position where you need to kick ass every day and anything less is unacceptable, in which case your recommendation might be best.
We also don't know the firm environment. Is this a big corporate place where HR probably has your back if you go on medical leave, or is this a little partnership with 40 employees where the old man at the top doesn't give a fuck about anyone's personal problems but also hasn't fired anyone in forever and would be fine with someone who just shows up and gets the basics done?
I could go on and on. Point is, we need a lot more from OP to make a recommendation.
OP: all I can say for now is, if your immediate boss knows, then he seems like a good person to ask about whether others should know.
Get on appropriate meds and dont say shit. I went through bad depression and got on meds temporarily until I could come to terms with my real issue - I needed to find another job.
lol riiiiight
and then the ‘scales shall fall from thy eyes’ (St. Raphael to Tobit)
exactly
If it’s depression or something, get that intense outpatient therapy, hit up the gym even harder, and get the prescription meds flowing if they help.
The 4 Pillars:
behavioral therapy + chemical therapy + physical therapy + spiritual therapy
Think of the following situation:
I was in a manager position and my boss had ADD and also a subordinate had ADD.
Boss had shit down. He was my age. Making high 6 figures and claimed to make 7 figures one year. He was in his 30s, I’m in my 30s, subordinate a year out of school.
My subordinate was trying to hide the fact that he had bad ADD and was off Vivanse because he thought he didn’t need it and thought he was operating ‘under the radar’. But all he did is fuck shit up, he fucked up my excel models constantly when all I would ask him to do is enter data as I could depend on little else.
I was supposed to fire him, but I just couldn’t and it reflected badly on myself and my ability to manage resources that pull their own weight in relation to their salary.
My boss would take a Vivanse at the beginning of the day and we typically never had meetings in the early morning. He’d be in la la land by late afternoon and then evenings were heavy drinking and possibly coke until the early morning. Then, like a rock star, back in his office by 8:59am.
If my subordinate went out with us, he’d be back at 10 or 11 in the morning, looking like a lost fawn in the woods. He fucked up my shit so bad that I didn’t even care. My boss did though and would jab at him for it. But, I’d be super productive for that hour or two without distraction.
My subordinate was off Vivanse for 10 months and didn’t think he needed to sign up for prescription assistance/insurance before the due date his first year and he was locked out for a few more months, unless he wanted to pay the full price monthly fee of $400 or however much Vivanse is.
He was loyal to me 100% and respected me and would do anything I said, but he would just fuck everything up. The guy that hired him got fired and he was stuck with me. Well, it made for interesting days I guess.
For him, it was his ‘bitch ass ways’ that were the issue. Bitch ass ways = not following the instructions of your doctor/therapist/MD.
I’m not hating on diversity - it’s just that we must use the aids that have been given to us from the professionals. They will give us all the tools we need; to not follow the advice of a professional without a second opinion is a faux paus of life.
Also, OP came to this forum asking if he should tell his superiors about an issue that we have no idea of the severity. On an anonymous forum. It’s going to help a lot more if we knew the nature and severity.
For in neuroscience/psychology/psychiatry there is a famous expression:
“If you name it, you can tame it.”
what is your exact issue? this makes a big difference.
PTSD from military service ADHD BiPolar/Depression Childhood sexual trauma (or something similar) opiode addiction ect...
each "personal issue" will get a different response. This is the anonymous internet....share enough details so that you are still anonymous, yet communicating the salient details. otherwise, nobody can really help you...
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. My advice would be to assess how bad your issue is and to do you best to get a sense as to the severity of your issues and the duration(if any) you can assign to the problems. Without me asking any questions about your issues, I think you need to reflect and decide, is therapy helping and is this something you think you can recover from(or recover enough from in 2/4/6 weeks) to be able to function normally at work? Or is this a much larger issue which you have no idea how long you'll take to recover and really need to focus intensively on self-care for a while.
If the former, I think you're ok with just being vague about what's happening. You could say, hey I'm having some health/family issues, I don't think it's anything major and I'd prefer not to disclose exact details at this time, but I'm going to need a little more breathing room than usual for xx time to work through it. I've had my own personal issues and have needed a clear weekend and have told the partners at my firm that I had "family matters" to attend to and that was that. I took care of my business and came back to work after.
If the latter, you need to decide if you should even be working at all. Health, both physical and mental, is one of the most important things you have. Luckily, I haven't had any major health scares yet, but I have had prolonged illnesses of sorts that have really made me appreciate being healthy again. If you're really struggling and think that you basically need to quit, thats when I'd either just quit or tell the managers that you'd like to stay, but need a significant amount of unpaid leave time, If they can't do that, then fine, you were going to leave anyways.
The option I don't think you have is to go to them and say, "Hey, I'm having some really serious issues, just want to let you know so you guys won't judge me too hard if I'm not present at work and I'm doing a shitty job. Not sure when its going to get better, but just wanted to tell you" Which is a facetious version of what it sounds like you were proposing initially.
I've always appreciated when employees fill us in on issues and we try to be as helpful as possible by doing things like ensuring they don't have meetings at specific times, etc...
Sometimes your senior might be able to do a bunch of little things for you to help you out. Sounds dumb but 5% here and there really adds up.
Depends on the issue and severity though I guess. Either way you'll end up gone if it affects your performance too much so that's why I'd suggest speaking to them about it if you feel work can more accommodating in any way.
If I was your senior I would like to have a heads-up. It's better to be upfront with issues like these than use them as excuses when your performance review is up. Most people will try to help you as best as they can, giving you time off to go to therapy etc. Best of luck!
I know I would have no issue telling my seniors, that being said my firm is very big on supporting mental wellbeing.
Without knowing your seniors or firm, it's hard to say exactly, but I would expect 99% of the time it would be good to make them aware of your situation. Most people aren't dicks and would understand - some may just understand you and be a little more lenient on your performance ratings, others may even try to help you out.
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