Therapy Post
Title.First generation immigrant from a third world country where my parents were impoverished. Dad worked as a hotel receptionist making the equivalent of $2 USD (today's money) per day. Mom didn't work because my culture places women as housewives. Both parents lived in a single room with five to six siblings when they were growing up.We weren't the poorest, but clearly not the richest.By the Grace of God, my family had a lucky breakthrough and we were able to immigrate to the US. Parents were in mid 40's. I was 2.I worked hard in high school to get into a Ivy League - I didn't have the opportunity to pursue fabulous extracurricular activities such as golf. Hell, I didn't even get to learn how to play catch because my parents slaved away working two manual labor jobs a week.Worked my ass off and did unpaid finance internships in college. Made friends with mostly athletes but I was mesmerized by their wealth and sheer confidence whereas I felt like I didn't belong. Hell, I got to do things that I would have never even thought were possible when I was in high school crying about not getting into a top college - an outcome I viewed as something absolutely necessary for me to lift my parents and myself out of poverty and menial jobs.Fast forward to now. I did it. I landed a banking internship. I landed a return position.But I feel so incomplete. I am on paper literally impeccable when it comes to my experiences and internship pasts.My parents don't even know what it means to get into a school like the one I got into; they don't even know the name of the school I go to.I am so defeated. I can't imagine doing this job and performing at the same level as my colleagues who have literally never ever cast a shadow of doubt on themselves because of a more privileged upbringing.I shouldn't be jealous and be grateful for this country, and I was a full blown patriot until recently, but I don't know anyone else who's had to struggle as much as I have had to in order to get to this job. I can't imagine being client facing let alone internal facing.Seeing so many analysts laid off and I'm not even a day into my full time job, when these analysts are more Type A and confident and skilled than me…. It kills me on the inside because I know there's a high chance I'm going to end up unsuccessful (laid off, not a culture fit, whatever). It aches because it’s ultimately my fault for not having self confidence and tumbling into the world of jealousy.
Love stories like this. I’m not from quite the same background but am from a shitty upbringing that’s different from most people in the industry so I can relate a bit. Might make a separate thread on this later because I love hearing stories from the hustlers out there.
Had similar self doubt issues but what really changed my attitude was just owning it. Can’t change the story that made you into you, but can only change what you do on a daily basis to build a better future. Those other kids around you simply don’t know what pressure is. A deadline for a CIM is nothing compared to growing up broke. Is putting together a model really that hard compared to grinding your way to the top, coming from nothing?
You’ve got the advantage here brother. You’re battle-tested. Plan A has to work out because there is no Plan B to fall back on. That would scare the shit out of most people, but imo it’s the right mentality to have. Some people love winning, some just hate losing, and some simply can’t afford to lose. If you made it this far, you’ve proved that you have what it takes. Now go get em.
Thank you for the reply and I am very happy to hear about your success and encouraging words! I would love to chat and hear your story if you’re comfortable. I know I don’t have a plan B. I’ve known since I was in 9th grade. There’s a famous quote out there, I forget who said it, but “I’ve been to hell and back.” That’s what I feel like these days and am on the verge of becoming a statistic - need some mentors who understand the adversity story. Thanks again!
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I fear I’ve become complacent. Do you have any tips on getting rid of this mentality? I know no one owes me shit. Not my analyst buddies, not my associate, not my MD - not even my best friend. Funny enough, I was completely functional and not in my head about this shit when I was doing my junior internship last year. Going back to my home country humbled the fuck out of me and made me feel like I forgot my roots. Would also love to hear your story and connect.
Change your point of comparison.
Those other analysts have had an entire life of experience, exposure, and training you have not had. You won’t / can’t be exactly where they are on some “life” areas just because you spent 4 years at an elite college. That will take time and you’ll continue to make strides.
But on the job requirements, the bank thought you were good enough not only for an internship, but they gave you a full-time job. So there’s a hell of a lot right with you in that area. Celebrate that. You will go crazy if you don’t reset.
And, side note, that resentment of others who came from different backgrounds will show through and cause a lot of problems personally and professionally. Where you came from is not their fault. And your parents may never catch on and get your new life or success, love then regardless. They started your run when they moved here. Reset all of this too.
You are going to do great!
u’re def not alone, having to go thro all of those internally count
What do you do with all the free time you have after making all these word abbreviations? Also, “thro” isn’t an abbreviation, it’s “thru.”
Learn how to use the enter key
Yeah - paragraphs are key.
You are a true champion - the stuff the American Dream is made out of. Nothing but respect, King!
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