Contemplating Suicide / Depressed

It may seem that everything is at its worst and that nothing matters, but that isn’t the case - proven by the fact that you feel so hurt at this moment. It is commendable that you care about supporting your family over seas, how would they feel if you were gone? You may feel as if you are at rock bottom, but look at your history- you have been in tough spots before and every single time you have made it through. From being homeless, to having to pay for school, getting a green card etc. you have made it in the past, you are a fighter. Keep fighting. 
 

this portion of the advice may not be worth sh*t because I am just an intern who didn’t get a return offer so I don’t know anything, but if you need money desperately to support people then maybe explore the route of taking a less sexy job in the meantime? 
 

your life matters, God loves you, your family loves you, you have a wealth of experience not only professionally but as a person you have GRIT and WILL GET THROUGH THIS. God Bless, PM me if you need to chat with someone. 

I am in a similar boat, although I resigned with nothing lined up. Couldn't deal with the shit culture, etc.

Struggle to get invites at places that should theoretically beg me to join them. Hell, even one of the Big4s rejected me despite being ex-BB/EB + MM PE.

Will it get better soon? I don't know. Is it worth to kill yourself over that? I don't think so.

Just keep pushing, we only need that one 'yes'.

You have some great experience. Don’t give up now. I believe in you. You’ve gone through some BS, but you’re going to emerge stronger and better than ever. It’s a competitive world. Average job seeker takes 9 months to find a new job. You got this. Always feel free to call 988, and then call your loved ones. I’ll be praying for your strength and recovery.

Please also reach out to Mark Moran, he’s in NYC and can help connect you.

Hey bud, you got friends nearby and supporters back home. There are people in your life who have your back.

If you haven’t done so already, please reach out to your local mental health specialist (free) at the nearest hospital. There are people there who can help you.

Lastly, it’s OK to pause your job search and to just relax/decompress for a few days. If you’re in the city, take the LIRR to a small town on LI and just take it easy for a few days. Walk and breathe some fresh air.

Best of luck pal

Please don't do that, you mean so much to your family who loves and is proud of you. I think you need a day to clear your mind and really understand what the world is. Go to the beach, take a hike, or sit in a park and notice the strangers who walk past you. Praying for you.

I DM'd you, I will send your resume to any contact I have. 

Please don’t do it man. Your life is so valuable and I am sure your family would be so heart broken to lose you. The world is better with you in it—especially for your younger siblings.

One thing I recommend is calling your family and just explaining the situation. You can just call like one person if you don’t want to talk to all of them at once. Don’t take this burden on alone.

You’re an absolute baller who has built an incredible life from tough circumstances. This is just a temporary setback on your path. You will definitely land on your feet sooner rather than later. Don’t give up hope.

Praying for you.

Hey man, I know what it's like to tie your whole identity to this job and industry where you sacrifice so much and I can only imagine how devastating it is to feel like it's all been for nothing all of the sudden. It might feel like this is the end but I truly believe that life has a funny way of bringing us to where we ultimately belong.

You're clearly a hard worker and have built valuable skills by the fact that you've made it in PE long past the point where most associated wash out. These skills you have might not be immediately valued in the job market today but you have to recognize that it's largely our of your control. You've done your best and you've done a phenomenal job.

I'm sure you're sitting on a pretty comfortable nest egg- take some time to breathe. Many people would kill to be in your position- young, healthy and well capitalized. Continue on your job search but do it leisurely- on some dates, work on a hobby, connect with some old colleague and grab a coffee. With this job it often feels like we live to work but I think that's largely a mental barrier to living life on your own terms, after all, what's the point of all this money if you're still a slave to the system at the end of the day?

Don’t do it, always remember that your own life far outweighs any job that you have. When you look back on your life when you’re old, you’re not going to define yourself by some prestigious job - you’re going to look back on the relationships with people you have, your character growth, etc. As someone who’s struggled with this, you are far more important and unique than some cookie cutter job. All you need is 1 win and you’ll look back and see how you were able to overcome a tough market (insert analogy of kissing all the frogs until you find the one prince).

As a famous man once said, “The night is darkest just before the dawn. And the dawn is coming.” Your time is coming soon, keep the faith, and use this time to potentially rebuild some of those relationships you mentioned.

Please reach out. I am a VP in NYC - there is so much more to life. You have accomplished so much on your own and I am well aware that it is easy to forget that in this city. It is even more challenging to find people to talk to who won’t tell you the IG version of their life. You are living someone’s dream life. Happy to help in any way that I can

Please go see a therapist. I know you may not have insurance right now, but I assume you have some money in savings after being in PE for so long. Your money is worthless if you kill yourself, so you might as well spend it on getting help so you can stay alive. 
 

You can find therapists / psychiatrists / psychologists on ZocDoc - browse through different professionals, look at their reviews, and find one who you think you’d feel comfortable working with. 

life is to be lived, not worked.

If I am wrong, I sincerely apologize 

To me, this appears a troll post, intended to elicit a "high finance has a poor WLB, and leads to lack of friends" type of response 

You've been through so much more stressful times based on what you've shared, losing your job should not have been as devastating. Dunno something about OP makes me seem he is not real and trolling Folks 

Firstly, I am so sorry for what happened to you and hope that the market picks up and you find another position. No matter how bad it seems I promise you there is a turning point, heck if you were an analyst you know some years are just bad years but then the company recovers with like a double digit growth the next few years. Things will turn around, I as well as countless others are proofs of it (got laid off last year and only recently got hired).

Like others said, take some time to relax, go to the park, join a gym to start working out to help relax. Reach out to former contacts at banks, see if they can help you network, or reach out to the people who have DMed you or said to PM them and see what they can do to connect you to people. Maybe you might want to consider other options since the market isn’t great? Is it possible your siblings could stay in school without your support? I’m sure they’ll understand that you can’t continue providing like you have given your situation at least right now, and hopefully that stress removed will help you mentally.

Please, it’s not worth it. You have so much to live for and do. Freinds come and go, you’ll make so many in the future, don’t feel like you’re alone.

OP - I know you are in pain, but you can get through this. Stay strong. Let me tell you a story. When my father first came to this country, he joined a flashy telecom startup as an engineer, but when the bubble was burst, he was laid off, and it was next to impossible to find another job in the industry or even in adjacent industries. He did not have a green card at the time, and he was singlehandedly supporting a family of 6 people. We moved multiple times for his work, had to endure prolonged family separation at times, and he kept getting laid off because the opportunities in the sector were so bleak, and the companies he joined kept going under (not his fault). At one point, we were all living on his salary of ~$50K.   

But eventually, he and my mom both found work at a good company in PA and embarked on a long stable career. My sister and I were raised there -- in what turned out to be one of the best places to grow up in America IMO. 

All this to say, I understand how tough it can be to come to this country as an immigrant, have familial / financial responsibilities, and be laid off. The stress must be unbearable. But stay strong. You can do it. You do have to be flexible though -- maybe you can leave high finance and join work in corporate finance -- the pay will be less but I'm sure you would be a stellar candidate given your prior experience. Then, over time, you can shape your career towards your long-term goals once you have your legs under you. 

Suicide is never the answer. You need to communicate your problems with your family. Seek God. Take action. 

Hey man, firstly take care of your mental health, I'm sorry you are going through this. Secondly, this could be a good thing, seems like most of your identity is tied to your career. I would recommend diversifying that across your hobbies, religion, girlfriend, friends, food, etc, so that when one aspect falls (i.e. your girlfriend breaks up, or you lose your job, you world doesn't shatter). Also, you should have enough saved and can take some well deserved time off. Wishing you the best man!

Looks like OP met up with our King Mark Moran for coffee, love to see it. 

As you get older it is really hard to make friends who experience everything way you have seen it. Even your best friends from high school/college/etc have their own perspectives. So don't think you did anything wrong by not having a massive support system nearby to fall behind.

Other thing is you need some “family therapy” forget work man, yes the pressure of helping family is annoying and tedious at times but end of day what you are doing is commendable and should be celebrated. 
 

Sincerely praying for you, PM me if you ever want to talk about anything.  Have you thought about relocating to another city? PE shops or banks in Chicago, MPLS Charlotte or anywhere around the country would likely be interested in your resume. The base/bonus may not be on par but the cost of living is usually cheaper. Just a thought so you can keep your skillset whilst supporting your family overseas. God speed man.

Hey please don’t lose hope. People like you are an inspiration for us starting out. Worked in top BB and started out homeless, that too in US? You are the man. So many look up to you. Please. If you give up, there is no hope for the rest of us. You are the man. You don’t even know that there are people who silently care and respect you so much.

Hey man, you are clearly in a tough spot. But, you need to reflect on all you have done in your life. 

Homeless, only one in the family with a green card, and non target to top BB and PE? That is no luck. You have grit, dedication, some insane work ethic, and clearly high intelligence. Time to build up that pride once again because you are that guy. 

Please reach out to me or any of the other commenters here (or all of us). God Bless you man. 

Let's chat. Your resume sounds pretty solid. I know a lot of key people / firms around here (NYC), and I might be able to give you some direction, or maybe help arrange something for you. I'm willing to take a look at your resume, and go from there. Let's keep this private, and see what might be possible.

Re: Friends - I didn't have the traditional entry/path in IB, and didn't have the usual cohort of early peers to become default work friends. That focus on work and being in a more senior role definitely didn't help in making friends; and I think a lot of us missed out on that during the early years, which can be difficult at times. I can understand that situation a bit.

Re: Family - It's impressive and notable that you are focused on helping your family. Remember, they need you, and they are depending on you; so don't think about doing anything that might cause them a lot more difficulty and heartbreak.

You will get through this.

The key is to always remember -- you just need to get through this moment; and then, things will be much better.

Get through today, tomorrow, and this overall moment.

You have a resume that most people would love to have -- you will be fine, but you just need to get through this moment. 

Let's talk.

You treat your work as a core element of your identity, and when that went away, it's the equivalent of a death in the family psychologically. You need a bit of breathing room to unwind, give yourself time to go through the stages of grief, and then know that the very drive and skill that allowed you to succeed in your past career is also something you can apply to find a new career (or job). My tactical advice is take a few days to disconnect, then make a 3-4 month plan where you have ~10 touch-points a day for applying to jobs, learning about other relevant jobs, doing interviews, and talking to your network. Most of your leads will start to convert around 2 months in, so it's going to be a bit of a slog at the start. In this process you'll learn if you need more education, what tweaks you need to do to your resumes, and what sort of jobs are out there for your skill-set. 4 months from now you'll look back and feel different. Good luck!

I think the biggest thing that should stop you from ending it is the family you have. Think of the dire straights they would be in if you were gone.

I also think that as long as you have your health, you can always make a comeback. So don’t jump ship just yet.

Whenever I’m feeling down, talking to someone or about my life in general makes me feel better. It’s nice to be the center of attention sometimes and can make you feel wanted.

Do you mind sharing some details of what sounds like an interesting life?

What age did you come to the US? You arrived with a green card but were homeless? The government doesn’t make sure you know someone or have a job before awarding a card?

How did you survive being homeless, because I feel like that would break me, yet you succeeded.

How the heck were you able to get into an elite BB if you went to a crappy school? How was your time at PE? What led up to your firing?

I know quite a few people who earn well in one country and send money back to family. But the ones that seem happy are balanced. They send a generous amount home but not everything. They make sure that their future is also secure.

So when you get back on your feet, and I’m sure you will, remember that it’s not reasonable to shoulder your family’s entire financial burden. It’s ok for your parents or other family members or even your siblings to start taking out some loans. You shouldn’t have to live a half life so they live a full one. There must be balance.

And you see many people with elite starts to their career, like you, end up at crappy banks or move downstream. Crappy banks love hiring people from top banks and sponsors. You will find a role if you keep pounding the pavement.

Santander is a good example. They are hiring lots of good people who flamed out at top banks or were set adrift by credit Suisse.

Yeah, i feel you. It's miserable. Right there with you homie.

Apply to corporate roles and tell them you are serious

PM’d.

From what I've seen you got a lot of great advice here that I won't repeat. However, try to reach out to some of your old friends that you lost touch with. If you just drifted away, and you didn't end on really bad terms then they will probably be happy to hear from you again. Sometimes friends go a long time without speaking with each other, but they're able to pick up where they left off. It's usually good vibes every time I call an old friend or they reach out to me. I'm sure your old friends wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. You'd be surprised how welcoming old friends can be, especially when you need a helping hand. You never know, they may need to hear from you too. A lot of people suffer in silence by themselves and wish someone would call.

Also, maybe you should be honest with your family back home. I know it can be hard, but I'm sure they would rather hear about your struggle and help you find a solution than lose you. You have options even if it feels like you don't.

Is there a way you can take a more laid back corporate job? Bro you’ve been working in the highest paying career OUT THERE for a decade! That’s obviously gonna take it’s toll and you have to disconnect from the inhumane machine that is the current Wall Street culture/zeitgeist. If I were you I would visit my family and travel as much as possible in that region (if it’s a shithole like my own country of origin, you can probably live in a comfortable budget there).

You are not a failure and obviously you're very bright to accomplish what you did. I've lost too many goddamn friends to suicide to let this go. You are a good person, trying his best. What else do you need?

Let's talk - shoot me a DM if you're willing. Life is a blessing but sometimes, we can lose sight of what we have.

Hey man, I’m sorry you’re going through this. No one here can give you the best advice besides God. My advice would to seek him with all your heart and he will make a way for you. 
 

I can relate as I was laid off in May, girlfriend left me in June and a close friend died in July. I was jobless until September but even then it’s not what I enjoy but for now it pays the bills. I have not recovered nor felt as good these days. I will tell you the gym helps if you already don’t go.

Continue to push through each day at a time for you and for those who need you. I believe in you and wish you the best. Sending you positivity and love!

Coming from someone who has been in a dark place, you really don’t know what is around the corner. Had a dark era in my life after leaving IB and looked around and realized I:

• Had no friends
• no longer had a prestigious job
• was overweight
• Couldn’t get a date for the life of me

2 years later, I had a thriving friend group, switched into a role I loved, got in the best shape of my life, and found the girl that I will marry. I know life can suck sometimes, but you gotta remember the randomness of it. It sounds crazy, but you really could have a layover at an airport and the person next to you asks a question or you accidentally spill on someone and they end up being your husband/wife/life long friend.

As others mentioned, it sounds like you need perspective and to let the pressure release a little. I would recommend creating a rule where you only work on finding a job once a week for 9 hours or something. Then use the remainder of the time exercising and searching for activities to meet people. Things like run clubs, gyms, music groups, coffee/tea/wine/beer enthusiasts all could be places to meet people and make some meaningful connections.

Lastly, don’t underestimate old friends. What ultimately brought me out of my depressive episode was 2 old friends who I hadn’t talked to in 8+ years. One of them reintroduced me to old friends and after I reached out the other invited me to a birthday where I met a friend that introduced me to my sig other.

Hope you read this. Been in a close situation and relate to both your professional and personal situation. Long story short - ended up falling 3-4 years behind my cohort as a former employer lead me on and I had to start again as VP 1 after 5+ years as a VP somewhere else. Life isn't going to be all rainbows and sunshine and "this too shall pass". No matter how dark it is now. May take 3 months or 3 years but if you live to be 80 it doesn't matter. Stop comparing yourself to others and remember where you are now is still 10x better than the kids you went to school in with your home country. You likely have a nest egg - travel for a week or 2 and clear your mind. Spend time with family if they are positive. Try new food, get a massage, take a solo trip and treat yourself. See how the world lives away form finance bubble and get some perspective.

Don't force it - market sucks and people get it. You can't change the season - when life puts you in winter. You put your head down and plow through. Your time will come. Marathon not a sprint.

And recruiting is a numbers game. You are good if you got so close in such a bad market. It's not you, it's circumstances. You are only answerable for your own efforts and not circumstances - you are doing your job. Rooting for you.

You feel like you’re in a flat spin, but the reality is it just takes time to find a job at this level. You’re no longer an Analyst or Associate.

There’s literally thousands of PE An/Assoc seats out there and they turn over every 2 years. VP and up, there’s just fewer seats period and there’s very little turnover. It just takes longer, that’s totally normal.

Its not realistic to expect to land a new gig within 6 months and I would STRONGLY advise not trading down meaningfully. If you were in PE for 8 years you should have some savings (hopefully). Live off of that, keep looking, keep your standards high and your chin up.

Inside everyone is a persona that just wants to take the easy way out and give up. That’s not the person that got you to where you are today. Use your free time to work out and do hard things (eg hot yoga, train for and run a marathon). Take out your stress by subjecting yourself to physical struggle and suffering. Punish that weak soft pussy persona inside you until he’s left battered and bloody in a ditch on the side of the road. Let your best self prevail.

Never give up. Never surrender.

PM me if you want help in your job search.

The 1 thing that kept me fighting is the hate I have for child **ists. I am putting together a dossier on several female perpetrators. I have to do whatever I need to convict my family member's rapist and some if not all of their childgroomers.

I make under the poverty line after 4 years of college at the most renowned 'bi'dness' school in my tristate area. I am forced to try to convict and hunt down a  family member's rapist(s) . My life is worthless in the conventional sense--I made no money, friends are unsympathetic to what I'm doing and the stressors of knowing your son is getting groomed and coomed and you don't have the legal weight to do anything puts lifetimes on your forehead. Every spouse I would've settled with sees how dumb I am and how far I've declined(thanks, shitty college).  I'm fat, greying, consumed by sickness because the sickest of womankind sickened my child. I'm down but not out because who else but you will do what you do for your family?

Disavowing all violence for the record. Please do not kys as you may have a secret purpose you don't yet understand. It may be worse. Mine is far worse than I would have ever imagined but do you feel I would just walk away from this doomed calling? you can't in this line of work

Honestly playing DOOM  improved my self worth fundamentally. Even if you don't play computer games (it's a destructive addiction for many) I encourage you to find some person, narrative or fable that you can find even the slightest bit of grit from