My GF and I met in Sept 2018 and starting dating in Sept 2019. Literally the happiest and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We are super compatible and just generally happy together.
2 weeks ago, I was at the Wharf in downtown Miami, out with the boys for one of their 23rd birthdays. Group of girls came up to our group and we started chatting it up. After a while one of the girls I was talking to was like "oh who's that on your phone" referring to my lock screen which is a photo of me and my gf in Costa Rica. I liked the fun flirty attention she was giving me, so I was like "ohh that's my ex gf, we broke up recently and I haven't changed my lock screen."
Obviously, this was dumb af of me. I never had any intention of cheating or anything, I just liked the friendly flirting and the attention I was getting. Of course, this was selfish of me because I have a perfectly healthy relationship.
A week later my gf found out what I said and is absolutely devasted that I would say something like that and just doesn't trust me and is like I can't be with you anymore. Besides the shitty thing I said though, I never and would never actually do anything with another girl.
Do I have any shot at fixing this? It sucks especially now since its Valentine's Day. I owned up to saying what I said and admitted to being selfish because I liked the attention, but never had any real intentions of doing anything. I feel like a piece of garbage now. Thanks for any advice.
U done fucked up my man
how old are you and what you make?
it's "how old r u and how much do you make?"
If you're going to ask, at least ask it the right way
Despite what you say, it doesn’t seem like you have a perfectly healthy relationship and you’re not 100% happy in it, otherwise you wouldn’t of lied for a bit of attention. I’d probably take this as a way to reflect whether you are truly happy and want to stay in the relationship.
Also how did she find out if it was a boys trip?
Valid first point. She has been spending a ton of time studying for her CPA exams which means I have been getting no attention. Of course thats not her fault at all and I should be supporting her and not out talking to other girls. But yeah its been hard not being paid attention to and I was selfish.
She found out because the girl I was talking to was actually friends with my gf's roommate and texted her like "hey, does this boy still have a gf?" and then I got snitched on.
That’s fair enough, it’s good that you know the reason why you acted in that way. A lot of relationships break down over professional exams which mean little time for an SO due to most time being taken up from work and studying.
If you really want to make it work with her then you’ll have to put in the extra effort in the short term whilst she is studying. Otherwise break it off and find someone who has time for you if that’s what you need.
That’s rough how she found out, at least one of the boys didn’t snitch.
I agree with this. Also aren't you moving to SF? Is she coming with? If not this may be what you needed anyway.
Also a valid point. But from what I've read in the post I made about SF is that the dating scene is horrendous. So im scared about losing my gf and then moving to SF and having zero opportunity to meet new girls
Objectively, would argue your action was fairly standard for someone not receiving the attention/affection of their significant other. Albeit an inappropriate response.
Owning up to it and acknowledging why is a good first step. Seeing your other posts about moving - might be time to sit down as a couple and see if there is a future for your relationship going forward. If you truly have a future together than you should be able to work through this.
You also mentioned being worried about moving to a new city and meeting new people / new dating scene. Focus on what you have now, if you’re focused on what could be you’ll lose what you do have. Losing to negligence is worse than losing because it was time to call it quits.
If you break up with her, can I be her rebound??
Wow what crazy karma that the girl knew your gf’s roommate.
Let things play out the way they are meant to be. You’re only 23, breaking up isn’t the end of the world.
The advice I give juniors and younger cousins who ask me for advice is, have fun till you’re ~27, and then get serious with girls. Being single in your twenties is the best.
relationship is chalked my guy
It's over my dude. Learn from it, and move on. Time to hit the iron and work on yourself.
Make amends and hope she forgives you. If not you have to move on and it will be a life lesson, albeit a hard one.
RIP it’s done
It definitely doesn't help that she found out through other people. I would say give her some space, and if its done, its done. Don't try to hold on because it will turn toxic fast and you'll find yourself stuck in a situation where ur not even close to happy. But yes I'm sorry the dating scene in SF is bad, go on tinder and it is full of 5-6/10s, but you'll find a gem in the rough.
Not at the wharf 😭😭😭
Dollar beers are heard to beat man
Well it looks like you'll be swapping an attractive fit Miami latina chic with a blue-haired feminist overweight SJW (she/her)...
I'm confused, how did she find out??
The girl I was talking to at the bar ended up knowing my gf's roommate, and she eventually texted the roommate asking if I still had a gf, the the roommate told my gf everything
yikes, tough luck man
How the fuck did she find out?
Idk man I thought i loved my girl more than any chick and when i constantly did that it really unveiled that i wanted something different. maybe you wanna be single man, maybe you enjoy having someone reliable but you prob wanna explore right now too. it'll be hard if you part but you will love what you'll become if you focus on your journey and what kinda man you want to become in life. nobody holds you back more than yourself
When I'm with her it's like everything is right in the world, but when I'm out drinking with the boys, obviously the flirty attention is fun. Of course I cant have it both ways. I definitely value the meaningful relationship more but idk how shes ever gonna trust me again
Ok but how was the sex???
Forsure, It wouldn't hurt to stay and iron out the wrinkles, but if it's not the same after the issue is fixed, you guys will part and she will initiate it before you can because us guys will drop everything especially for something (a girl) we want and girls will plan out their exit which is painful for us guys. If you don't wanna get hurt make a choice before she does.
Even though you didn't do anything with this girl, you dipped your toe in cheating waters. The healthy way to address that would have been to talk about how you're feeling neglected while she's been busy studying. And then the both of you could figure out how to balance a healthy relationship and career demands.
Sorry, there's no un-fucking this situation.
If she catch me cheating I will never tell her sorry, if she catCh me cheating I will never tell her sorry
Porsches in the valet I got Bentleys I got ‘rarri’s
I would say own up to your mistakes and end things with her if you really love her. She will never be able to trust you ever again with you going out/being alone, and I feel like then this relationship won't be able to recover to 100% after. If you're okay with that, fine but, continuing this relationship will just be dragging her along the way only because you feel safe and comfortable around her. Just my 2 cents - just listen to what she says if she ever does!
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