We've seen our fair share of hilarious comments and behavior go around the street. From the infamous Barclay's letter, to Prestigious Pete, to the "Rich Guy" Craigslist, there's no shortage of behavior, quotes, posts, and stories that involving flaming finance douchebags and/or the mockery thereof.
It's time to throw another one on the heap. While browsing job opportunities (because a ridiculous amount of "strategy" is actually IT) I came across one absolute gleaming specimen. The kind of gem where were it a gem it would get put in the Smithsonian and stolen by Nicholas Cage.
I present to you: Financial Analyst - $100,000/year USD
https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/1739826206/
**Do you want to spend your day working exclusively with other brilliant people like yourself? **Would you like the rare opportunity to work closely and learn business skills from seasoned senior executives? Do you know you could make a tremendous impact to business results if just given the opportunity?
Key responsibilities:
Insightful : You can't be wrong, naive, or mis-educated
Accurate : No sloppy or careless errors
Precise w/ specific examples : No generaltities or platitudes
Clearly Communicated : Doesn't need to be customer-presentable or "pretty"
Delivered quickly : Tasks are solved in days, not weeks or months
Candidate requirements:
High IQ - This role requires someone in the top 1% with respect to raw intelligence. The problems you need to solve on a daily basis are extremely challenging because they are real and have tangible impact to our business.
Driven to Learn - There is zero training for this job. Literally every week, sometimes every day, you are going to be assigned a problem in an area in which you have no experience. You must love to spend hours reading and devouring information to quickly become conversant, if not an expert, in each of these areas.
Results Oriented - We have a fast-paced culture with sky-high expectations along with unlimited opportunity to learn and have impact. You will typically have hours or days, not weeks or months, to get each problem solved and move on to the next.
Nice to Haves:
The reason people fail in this role, despite the above qualities:
A) They want to be high level and strategic vs. in the details and specific
B) They have a tolerance for errors
C) They have abysmal communication skills
I can't wait to apply! It would be amazing to be around other super-geniuses such as myself!
LOL lets ask for someone to be top 1% intelligence and not offer them top 1 percent pay. Lets also no train them. Also what the heck, super geniuses such as myself?
I was about to say... 100K in NYC and they're asking someone who is in the 1% IQ bracket. Yeah, ok.
Who let the intern write this?
This would be 10/10 satire if it actually was satire.
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