No longer motivated by revenge / where to find sources of ambition and motivation
Ignore title. Long story short I got dumped early on in college by a gf of many years. I was shook up and although I moved on and had other happy relationships, I had so much spite and malice towards my ex that it fueled my professional ambitions for a decade. She was in (job), I was going to do better. She got into (MBA), I'd get into better. It actually worked super well and really motivated me and I ended up going from basically top group to top group to top MBA. Was it stupid, sure, but that's a question if I ever need a shrink and not for a professional forum.
Problem is now I'm totally over it and don't harbor any more spite but with that, my wellspring of success over the last 10 years has kind of vanished. Not sure what to do now. Still have the same expectations of comp and whatever but frankly don't really like working anymore, don't like finance, realized I've been doing this because of a pissing contest of one, frankly would rather just hang out with my friends and watch TV and play sports all day. I realize that sure, so would everybody, but I don't really have any get-out-of-bed ambitions to match.
Anyone dealt with a "I'm 30 now and don't give a shit" crisis? Where to find ambition again?
So this isn’t uncommon, and a lot of the time it’s dedicated to parents instead of romance, with the same underlying concept. Athletes do it too (hello MJ and his JV coach).
For me, the best thing to reset when the fumes of spite run out is to go back to first principles: what do I like, and why? When have people given me access to experiences that stimulated me when they didn’t have to, and why was I grateful for them?
Something as basic as a team telling you why the deal team is giving you a task (they need to frame an aspect to IC a certain way because of a bad deal, they need to validate the operating partner’s turnaround plan, the firm just has a certain theme or macro view of the next five years it’s all-in on) as opposed to rote processing can help stoke some of the, yes, childlike senses of curiosity and intelligent engagement that all of us have buried underneath each model turn and PowerPoint slide. Kobe once said that he didn’t want to get distracted by wanting to win too bad (or avoiding losing), so he thought about games in the middle to end of his career as just learning either way. I think that’s a great way to approach this job, even if for 5 minutes before bed: what little insight does my understanding of this opportunity or this industry add to my knowledge of how and why the world works? What parts of that knowledge seem most counterintuitive or interesting to me? People have built “passions” out of expanding their plumbing businesses, so for goodness sake, PE is a walk in the park in the effort to find meaning.
Another helpful angle: what do you really want to do in 25 years? What do your team members want? I had a healthcare principal once who couldn’t wait to work for a couple years in the government; it was clear to see how VBC investing helped him frame a future where he contributed in small way to healthcare access. Maybe you’d like to retire and day trade stocks one day. Perhaps there’s something about tech investing that’s building up your “angle” to beat the market in semi-retirement.
At the end of the day, the drive to prove people wrong (or get validation from them) should always be in service of something else, not vice versa. Only you, maybe with the help of deep conversations, can develop the kind of ownership mentality and deeper-level thinking it takes to understand what that “something else” really should be as your driving force.
Consequuntur autem unde sunt tempora. Ut ut et sapiente amet cumque hic. Quo laborum molestiae eius asperiores.
Maiores velit ad necessitatibus ut a dicta temporibus. Aperiam temporibus distinctio impedit non. Est iste aspernatur dolorem atque et rerum est. Laudantium quae culpa consequatur et accusantium.
Vel eum nesciunt pariatur aut. Et magnam placeat dolores non. Id sit rerum odio suscipit accusantium in itaque labore.
Molestiae nisi possimus doloribus et qui exercitationem ipsum eos. Reiciendis delectus eveniet eos.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...