Few things:

  • Add predicted uni grade first class (I know you haven't started but its helps with the screen for some companies)
  • Bullet 2 of your company should go first
  • Link a report from work with CNN; like you don't even say which sectors unless you mean the finance ones?
  • Tristan, which industries? slightly more specific may make you even more interesting
  • Severved 500 people okay but where does that rank you among peers? Also assuming 10h days that's 50 people per hour. Souds unrealistic and could ding for lying...
  • Finance soc - maybe add a topic that you've lead a discussion on. Adds depth

All of that said, you'd be fine eitherway.

 

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