How to NOT give a referral to somebody that is being very pushy?
Hey guys, posting here (hopefully it belongs) because it’s six AM and I’m hungover but this thing has been obviously bothering me so much despite my state of drunkenness.
I (F22) work in M&A/CorpDev in a F500 company. Getting this job was very hard, but I was told my profile was a good match. For reference, I started less than a month ago, and I love the job + the team seems to be extremely happy about my performance. I’ll be here for six months for an off-cycle basically.
The city I work in is not exceptionally large and I ended up meeting this guy who also works in my firm in a more of a back office role. He contacted me on LinkedIn to go out and since I’m new here and he also is, I though it was a good idea to explore the party landscape together.
Well, this escalated and now we are in the same circle of friends, which I was initially happy about. The problem with this guy is that I found out that he had originally applied for my job as well but never got past the first step and got accepted in the other role.
I think he is reasonably smart, but every time I go out with him it becomes a coffee chat in which he tries to push me to refer him for my position once I’m done (I’m going back to school for a year after this) or mentions multiple times that he would like to be introduced to my team. The thing has gone so far that tonight I had to find somebody else to hang out with because he was making me feel so stressed out and on Saturdays I just want to relax.
I feel very on the spot with this guy, and I am trying to make another circle of friends because going out just with him started making me feel uncomfortable. It feels like he has no interest in going out with me just to have a nice evening or party, he just wants my job. I can relate to him on a soul level because I am also a middle class non target kid, but I would never push so hard on somebody who just started.
I have no problem with the referral part, I have referred candidates in my previous company that I was friends with, but they always had the “right” work experience and fit to the role. This was never in my team (where I had skin in the game), but happened in the past.
Truth is, I think he is okay, but my job had X, Y and Z requirements (among which having experience in a IB environment) which he doesn’t have. I recognize this is not for me to assess and it would eventually come to my manager to decide in an interview process, but this fact combined with this general pushiness makes me feel very reluctant to even intro him to my team.
Now, I am very bad at saying no and I kinda kept it open because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Our office is super big but I bump into him some times at lunch (when I’m with my manager) and feel very awkward. So, how do I nicely tell him I don’t feel comfortable doing what he is asking me? I don’t know if I’m being an asshole, but I am genuinely lost and my group of IB friends from other firms is torn on this.
Thank you in advance and sorry for the wall of text.
(Just for disclosure, because I think this might come up - I have no sexual interest in this guy and never considered dating him)
I would be direct and just tell him you don’t have any sway and that he already interviewed with your team.
not sure why he thinks you introducing him will change the fact he couldn’t get past a first round
I don’t know either. My hypothesis is that he thinks he is being smart by trying to get the job through a referral instead of a direct application.
Again, not against it, I have asked for referrals before too, but just when I knew I was a very good fit for the position.
I also don’t want to make a bad impression on my manager by introducing to him somebody who is super pushy and childish.
Just introduce him to a lower risk contact on your team. If he fucks up, it’s on him. Most likely will have zero impact on you.
That’s a fair suggestion, thank you! Maybe not immediately though, I was thinking maybe in a couple months time after I get a little bit more comfortable around my team. I haven’t even been here one month.
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