You Think I Give a Damn About an EB?

Half of you bankers can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.

"But Associate 2, what if you make MD? Wouldn't it be weird?"

Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to financiers?

Shit Charles Scharf better switch me chairs,

So I can sit next to Liz Warren and AOC, see em argue over how much the board pays me,

Little bitch, put me on blast in DC, "Yeah he's cute but prioritizes shareholders over people, hehe."

I should download her Birth Certificate in PNG and show the whole world how she lied about being Native to get her PHD! 

I'm sick of you little EB groups, all you do is annoy me, so I saved over the working version of your model to destroy you,

There's a million of us just like me, dress like me, 'Gonia Vest like me, claiming Elite Boutiques, might just be the next best thing but not quite BB!

Cause FT Partners is the real BB, ya the real BB,

All you other EBs are just imitating,

So wont my FT Partners Analysts please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

 
Funniest

So I take it capital markets have been slow this week? 

 

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Career Advancement Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. New 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (87) $260
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (146) $101
notes
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