Focus on what matters. No...I'm not talking about your job.
Applicable to all but posting in IB for visability as not enough people talk about this.
This past weekend I found out a family member has what is likely to be a scary terminal illness. They're currently in the hospital and it has been a tough few days to say the least. They mean the world to me, so this is a massive blow.
Since I found out I've had a few moments of tears in the office, have worked remotely for a bit, and have been a bit slower. But my team has been incredibly understanding and it has made all the difference in the world. They've been there when it was needed.
This reminded me how important it is for everyone to remember one simple thing:
If ANYONE tells you to come into the office instead of attending to a family emergency or significant life event you can, and should, tell them to fuck themselves (respectfully of course...or not). I say this because there are so many losers on this website that put their jobs over real life. Call me soft if you want. I don't care. Working with good people is worth more than the "prestige" of working for an asshole in a top group. You'll only learn this when it truly matters.
Go live life and cherish moments with those around you. Your money and boring-ass LinkedIn profile won't mean shit someday. Give your family a call today and tell them you love them. Buy coffee for the junior guy on your team that has been struggling with workload. Be a good person. This is what matters in life.
Definitely think that mindset is unhealthily common. Once had a GS MD come speak at a college investment club event and he seemed to be proud that he missed his kid's birth for a deal.
Scared the shit out of me that these are the people I'd be working with.
They are insecure so they cope by wearing it like a badge of honor. Health and family should always come first
They always pull the joking/sarcastic tone of "Oh yeah, that deal was so tough and I never slept. Missed my wife / kid's thing and they were going to kill me" and then chuckle a bit. Honestly, I've started to find myself joking about how fucking horrible certain darker times were but not to that extent...I think it starts out as self-deprecating dark humor (which is fine) and somehow morphs into this "look how hard I work/you gotta be ready for sacrifice" vibe
Yep. In finance everyone is pretty smart. But you have a mix of truly bright individuals, ambitious people, and then over the top assholes who use work, 'prestige' (lol if you actually believe this), and status symbols to cover personality shortcomings and gigantic gaping insecurities.
Not everyone is like this but damn there are a bunch. Wearing how many hours worked like a badge of honor lol
Golden words.
wow, what the fuck. how did he phrase it as
Reminds me of a story my high school soccer coach told me. His father played on a semi-pro team, and his wife was going into labor the night of a game he had. So he goes to his coach and says, look my firstborn son is coming tonight, I need to go. The coach said if you leave now you're fired, so he said I'll get two goals and then I'm out, and the coach agreed. So he goes out, scores a goal in the first few minutes and goes to the coach asking if he can leave, coach says I need my second goal. He goes out and ten minutes later gets a second goal, goes to the biggest player on the other team, cleats the shit out of him, gets a red card and bounces. Made it to the hospital in time to be there for his kids birth.
Alpha energy.
But.... my job gives me monayy.... and all that matters is my monayy.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Great overall message. To the younger kids on here - adhere to this advice. Never feel pressured to miss an important milestone event, and certainly any negative health event to turn worthless pitches books or make deal memo updates. I get it, the pressure might feel strong, but step back from the moment of intensity and think big picture. Its perverse to think otherwise and if you have a team worth being part of they will understand. Only an absolute zero would push back on anything important in life.
I am very sorry about your relative, and I hope you personally can find some comfort. I really don't understand a lot of the people on here however. They talk a big game like they're hot shit because of the money, but then the next 5 posts is how miserable they are because your boss treats you like shit, or your 10% raise (that nobody else in America is getting now) isn't enough, or your 5% bonus (what's a bonus?) isn't enough. It kinda sounds like everyone is just miserable because they're running around like chickens with their head cut off, producing a bunch of crap for other people, yet ultimately creating nothing of worth. Sounds exhausting.
I dunno about that, I hear this a lot in Finance "creating nothing of worth" Where the heck do you think all the money comes from then?
How many people chase money but still feel empty? Money gives you power, not self worth.
Don’t have much to add on top of what has already been said. Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about the news and I hope that they get better. I had a similar situation earlier this year when I was told one of my parents was diagnosed with something that would change their life forever and was told in the ER they were literally a day away from death had there been no intervention. Literally made me feel like the worst child in the world that all this was going on without my knowledge and I was working on a pitch book. Was lucky enough to have an understanding team that let me drop everything literally at that exact moment and travel home and I’m glad to hear you have an understanding team as well. It’s important to realize what things are actually important in life and if our work environment even remotely lets us hold on to those, something that is way too often overlooked and forgotten in this job/industry. Wish you and your family the best man.
I wouldn't call this soft, one the contrarily, I think that taking shit, putting job over life and not standing up for yourself is soft.
Great post. Sorry to hear about your situation and best of luck.
+SB. Much better than “what some if you are doing wrong”
I think what you said is great and I think the only issue with people are the ones at the extremes. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious , your job your ability to make money and survive and thrive is supremely important and if you don't focus on any job at all you will likely be in a bad place in life. However, I agree you should never miss a medical emergency or possibly a funeral for work that's just a few hours or a day. Any boss who doesn't allow that is just on a power trip or evil.
There is a right place to be and its not dropping your job and hanging out with your friends all day but its also damn sure not missing a funeral for a family member either.
You're right, everything is a balance. But our society considers being productive the only form of worth, and it's causing a disconnect.
What is with these bizarre “Me Proud” posts?
Who the hell has ever asked someone to come to work instead of going to a funeral? You think that one random internet story about a boss demanding an employee come in when there is a family death is common place?
Can someone please now make a post that you should always find time to work out during the week? Or always report to HR if you see a superior harassing a young colleague? Or how about a post to remind us to treat others with respect because you never know who might be able to help you or your kids in the future?
How does such a harmless post get you this riled up? Yikes. Relax. This absolutely happens all too often, and finance as an industry is notorious for this type of thing. Commonplace? Maybe not, but much more common than should be accepted.
I used to be very career oriented in my 20s. I didn’t care much for family and just wanted to do my own thing and climb the career ladder.
But, I wasn’t feeling very fulfilled. In my 30s, my mom developed a worsening condition (dementia) and needed assistance. I began to help out and developed a very close relationship with my parents. They both live in separate senior living facilities with my mom in memory care.
My sister said that I was “the light of my mom’s life.” I have a very special relationship with my mom and she remembers me in a way.
Now visiting my mom and being a part of her care plan means everything to me. She is the light of my life. Visiting her is the highlight of my day and the highlight of her day. I put my personal career aspirations on the back burner, but I think it is worth it. On my death bed I won’t be thinking how much more I could have worked, but rather will reflect on all the memories of loving care for my family.
Good on you for realizing what is important.
Many fail to realize it is just a job and literally no one on the planet is going to remember what we did at it once we are gone. Important to have perspective.
People here get off on 'prestige' but literally no one cares except for other people in the industry.
You go to a charity gala, cocktail party, friends house, or hell a bar trying to pick up a chick - and mention being in finance. You think anyone gives a shit about that? Or that they will be interested and excited to talk to you, or remember you for anything other than 'this guy sounds like he makes money'?
Bankers define themselves on profession but the grandy irony is no one even cares about your work. And for jobs they do care about, banking isnt near top of the list lol
Great post, and a much needed contrast to threads like "Will having kids tank my career?"
To the people saying that this never really happens for funerals, etc., I think the message at least for me has been to draw some sort of line on where work takes a back seat to important personal matters, not necessarily something as extreme as a death or terminal illness.
I started as an analyst, and at that time, it was always engrained in me to prioritize work and always put myself on call to the extent that I would, by default, tell people I was on call if needed / could be on later when dealing with personal matters. Didn't realize that I had this toxic habit until a couple years ago when my then girlfriend had to get a cancer biopsy one morning. Very low odds of any cancer, would be done by 9am. I took the day off to come with her and take her home and was considering saying I'd be available in the afternoon to work... then I thought about it and realized that that wasn't worth it... It hadn't clicked for me, but making myself fully present for someone I loved during a stressful time and also having the rest of day for quality time with her just far exceeded any benefit to me hopping online for my job... I think that's obvious to a lot of people, but when you spend your whole childhood in school positioning yourself for college to position yourself for a job and that is the priority for ~20-25 years, you sometimes have to rebuild the ability to appreciate and respect other areas of your life.
Shortly thereafter, my company (boutique IB) screwed everyone hard on bonus in multiple ways, then now one of my seniors who everyone loves and has been here almost a decade is leaving, and when it was referenced to me by a partner, all they said was "I figured he was leaving" and things to the effect of how "it's a less intense job and totally different" as a means of validating the partner and mentally justifying the leave as not being due to employees getting screwed. Totally thankless. It's helpful to see it firsthand so you can see where your priorities should lie, but it's hard when you're starting and things seem to be going well.
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