I'm currently searching for apartments and having trouble feeling okay about spending 4-5k for a nice apartment. I'm starting a new role where I'll be making 300k all in, so it's not terrible, but I still can't imagine spending that much. I took a look at previous rent posts, and it seems that associates are fine with spending that much.
I grew up extremely poor for most of my life until I started working, so it's a bit challenging to get used to spending. I'm very much a homebody now, so I tend to highly value having a nice no roommate apartment since I mostly stay in or have someone over. Any suggestions for getting comfortable with spending?
I keep struggling with the idea that I could instead use the money I'm saving to help support my mom or save up to buy her a house. I would feel incredibly selfish if I'm living in a luxury 4K apartment while she is still living in a run-down, somewhat “hood” neighborhood. Especially as my mom gets older, I'm growing concerned that she still lives there; just last week, someone pulled a gun outside a window (a few houses away) and was waving it around, telling people that he could shoot them.
I'm not someone who had his act together from early on or was in gifted academic programs for kids from the hood. If anything, I was the extreme opposite – very troubled and angry for most of my young life, causing my mom a lot of heartache and sleepless nights. I owe everything I have to her. If she hadn't supported me and kept believing in my potential, none of this would have ever been possible. I would have just been another statistic of a broken home. Sometimes I reflect on how different life is now and how fortunate I am that things turned out well in the end. I now have the power to make a difference for future generations.
could always get your mum to live with you
I've considered it a few times, but I don't think it would be a good idea for the following reasons:
I'm pretty sure it was sarcasm
Rent a place for your mom too. Someplace near where she lives but obviously in a better neighborhood- shouldn’t break the bank given your salary. (Could also do this temporarily and save up to buy her a place)
As far as spending, it’s something you just get used to. Why did you grind so hard in your career if you can’t even enjoy the money you make? Last thing you want to do is come back to a dingy apartment knowing full well you could easily afford a way better place
Just get a roommate and use the surplus dollars to get your mom a nicer apartment somewhere. Or you can help her put down a deposit on a house, and own the property together. Maybe a duplex or something and rent out half + have her manage it. She might find it fun.
I have a few friends that have done this for their parents or in-laws. It's a nice win/win and that way their parents don't feel bad taking the money.
The first option could be a solid strategy; I could definitely spend 2k to assist her in finding a suitable apartment. However, the drawback of this approach is that it would postpone my plan to purchase a house for her, which is ultimately her dream. The second option might present challenges because she doesn't have substantial savings to contribute (less than 3k in savings). Still, I believe jointly owning a duplex could be a viable concept, even though she might not be able to actively manage it due to her physical disabilities and language barrier. I’ll definitely look into pulling the trigger on something once the market conditions improve, don’t think I can afford the interest expenses for something around my area.
Buy your mom a gun
I will start by saying I am not the best person to offer guidance on this, especially given that you are grappling with two important, but distinct issues;
1. I dont want to spend an absurd, superfluous amount on rent, and
2. I dont love the idea of where my mom lives and I want to save money to help her out of a bad neighborhood.
Lets start with the facts:
1. Every penny you spend on rent is another penny that cant be used to help your mom improve her living situation
2. You by no means are obligated to help your mom move out of her current neighborhood
3. It would be great if you could use some of your income to help her out and move her somewhere safe.
Now, time for my POV:
I think you need to find a way to cut costs on living. There is ALWAYS a way to do it, but it always comes at a price. Most wont believe me, but I have yet to ever spend more than $1,250 on rent per month living in a MCOL city in the states. I have always had roommates and oftentimes had horrible rooms, but I have found ways to make it work. This has saved me ~$12,000-18,000 a year relative to what my friends have paid, and I have invested most of it. For me, I cannot ever justify paying a lot on rent. I have been raised to know better, and I personally find it to be a waste of income. With that said, if it is important to you, there is nothing wrong with paying a premium for a nice place to live. Everyone has different priorities. Perhaps you can split the difference and find a place that is $2500-3k a month and use the rest to help your mom?
Now, regarding the bigger issue, helping out your mom. I think since you clearly have the financial means to do so, and you mentioned it so I assume it is important to you, you should try and help her out. This can come in many different forms, whether it be through simply covering some of her rent, paying the difference in rent so she can move into a nicer place, or helping cover the downpayment on a home in a safer neighborhood. At the end of the day, if you can move your mom to a safe, nicer neighborhood, that will be the best money you've ever spent in your entire life. Not only will it buy you piece of mind, but you can rest assured that you did the right thing. Idk if you can relate, but I have found the best use of money is to help the people you care for most (with travel admittedly being a close second).
Hope this helps, best of luck man
Solid advice as always.
Not from NYC but in my HCOL city you can find nice places for 2.5-3k, is it really that bad in NYC?
Also I second having a roommate to save money
The answer to this is that you don't actually live in a HCOL city.
I live in London
Rents are insane now especially in Manhattan, they've increased an average of 50% in the last two years. Studios in desirable neighborhoods, doorman buildings are renting for $110+ a sf ($4k for a 400 sf studio) and no matter where you are there is always someone that will pay these rents right now so if you need a place in a month you have to sign eventually. Even if it's a walkup, broker fees are insane and landlords push that onto the tenant anywhere from 1 month to 15% of a year of the lease which is ridiculous.
4-5k on 300k all in is way to high. More so given you're saying all in so your monthly take home will but much lower than assuming 300k. Really, you should be thinking in terms of salary and banking your bonuses. You can get something that is still decent, or at lest in a decent neighborhood that might not be as nice as a luxury doorman building but that is by no means bad. Stack some chips, help your mom if you want, but those levels seem pretty excessive especially given your background/goals.
I’d recommend paying your moms utilities! I also don’t think you need a $4-$5k apt, you can easily find a nice, cozy, and sizeable apt and splurge on nice furniture to make it way nicer. An apt is just an empty box at the end of the day, you’re the one that makes it nice to not. Ofc location, amenities (or not), etc are huge factors. But with some extra apt showings, I’m sure you can find something for like 3-4k instead.
I don’t come from money at allll, but I’m a firm believer that you don’t have to spend a crazy amount on housing just because you technically can. Im constantly living below my means and I’m 100% happy living like that, no matter how much money I make.
But again, totally up to you.
Never Happened.
I sympathize as someone who grew up in a lower middle class household and now makes a lot more I could have conceived as a kid. Luckily my parents have done a solid job saving for retirement so I won't have to support them, but I've "budgeted" a certain amount to throw at them to make their golden years meaningfully cushier.
Have you thought about having a conversation with your mom about financing and living situation? Sounds like you could for example help her move to a nicer neighborhood by chipping in for a down payment and maybe with monthly mortgage payments (okay yeah, now is a shit time to buy because of rates). If not that, consider moving her somewhere nicer (renting), chipping in on some bills, helping with some repairs/upgrades, or just buy her some nicer things in the meantime.
Bro don't do it then. I'm on the same page with you. I grew up poor and feel bad spending a lot of money on rent, so I don't do it. I make $200k+ and rent a place for $1395. There are plenty of decent looking places in ok neighborhoods that are much cheaper than $4-5k. Yeah you may have bad AC and will need to use laundry with others, but if you feel better this way cause it lets you save ~$2k each month, then it's the way to go for you. We spend our only resource, our time, our life, to earn money, it totally makes sense to feel bad about wasting it on things that are just marginally better.
Gonna have to learn to disconnect emotions from $ and think rationally about finances… hard for people who grew up either rich or poor but has to be done
Thanks everyone, really appreciated all the responses and advice! Will reply to all the responses when I get the chance.
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