New Hobby: Pretending to be other people

Fucking weird

Damn...

Every time I seem like I'm interested in what someone has to say, I'm pretending to be a guy who gives a shit. Right now in my response to you, for example. I can relate.

I told some older Mafia-esque kind of guy named Joe I was related to Rick Pitino shortly after they had won their basketball championship. This was in a casino. I got drinks on him for a while and blackjack 101.

Besides that, your post is tool-esque.

Yeah, sounds more like you just got drunk for the first time everrrrrrr guys and it was like sooooo fuuunnnnn

Sounds like you're bored with life and need some changes: have you considered that maybe you belong in show business / politics? I've had my share of fun messing with people while being a drunk asshole, one time I had a new bartender thinking I owned the place just to see if they would give me free stuff and do what I told them to. I can only guess that drinking Chartreuse and absinthe for several hours made me loopy.

You have to consider the strange twist of fate if you run into one of these people at work....you're going to have some explaining to do.

I'm guessing you don't go out often .

Doesn't this belong on craiglist's 'missed connections' forum?

Really pathetic, you're just looking for attention

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I got talked into going out last night to a group of bars I've never been to. I was on Xanax and already kind of drunk, and I quickly lost the people I came with, so I was looking for entertainment. I thought I'd try my hand at pretend to be other people.

I told people I was a professional poker player for a while. Everyone loved me and bought me drinks. I had a long story about how my fiance was put in the ICU after a car accident, so I dropped my work at Princeton and learned to play poker in a few months to pay her bills. But she died last week. I then got bored and went looking for new opportunities.

I was walking around outside the bar with a pitcher of beer. This one fag in a purple button-up with half of the bottons undone was having a smoke and hitting on some fattie. I walked by and unsnapped two more of his buttons. Him and his boys got pissed at me and got in my face about how many deep they're rolling. I calmly told him that I had spent 8 years in the Israeli Defense Force sniping towelheads and had extensive Krav Maga training and would lay them all out. I then literally roared in his face, like a tiger, and walked away. They could have beaten my ass, but I had popped some Oxy by now and almost wanted somebody to hit me for whatever reason.

I changed venues and told some people I met outside that I ran a fetish porn site and tried to convince this girl to let me shave her head and one eyebrow on film for $800. She eventually agreed. I said if her friend would join, it'd be $2K total. Her friend wasn't down. I ended up going home with girl #1 and shaving a design into her eyebrow too.

I told people I was a Marine on leave from a secret mission in Dubai (I don't know why anyone believed this), and people asked me questions and bought me drinks and shit. I pretended to have PTSD and flipped the fuck out at some guy who reached for his waist to adjust his belt or some shit. I frantically patted him down andtold him to empty his shoes. He wasn't down, but the people around us told him to do it. I was loling so hard internally. I later met some Army guys and we went to some awesome street food place where I where I got a porkchop burger and fries. I then found the vitality to drink more and went to that bar where I stole some people's beer pitcher and went outside to tell people about my fetish porn site.

Pretending is so much fun! It's gonna be my new thing when I go out.

Any of you guys like to do this? Suggestions? Stories?

Never happened.

unhinged.... and i am here for it

Do you also pretend to know how to write properly?

Xanax and alcohol means blackout - you wouldn’t have remembered all of these things.

I sometimes tell people I'm a door-to-door cigarette lighter salesman or that I own a couple of Oldsmobile dealerships.