please rip apart my FT IB resume - harsher the comments the better

WSO community -

thank you for the wonderful help you've given me over the past few years; I'm asking a favor from you all. I'm applying to 2018 FT IB roles in London and I'm a recent graduate who left a dead-end job to get experience in an emerging market PE fund on a six-month fixed contract in order to break into IB.

PLEASE destroy my resume - particularly the most recent experience as this is what I hope will get me an interview.

thanks in advance, monkeys.

EDIT: okay who's the genius who put in fake applications to Lazard for me?

Attachment Size
resume_comments.pdf 362.11 KB 362.11 KB
 
Best Response

Founding Father, NF. Be prepared to get asked in all your interviews why you couldn't pull a bid to an existing frat. If you can't even get a bid to a frat how am I supposed to trust you to close on a billion dollar advisory deal with my clients?

If I'm you I'd make sure I nail down my technical questions extra hard to compensate for this gaping flaw. Know how many Nattys you can crush in an hour (and be prepared to prove it), know your college football and know the five methods of eating vag. Otherwise you're sunk bro.

 

Whether this is trolling or not - it's a good point

Clarification: I went to a city university in NYC where Greek life is neither heavily respected nor present. I started a chapter of a large, national frat (TEP/AEPI/ZBT/D-Chi) to have a good group of guys with whom I could "crush Nattys" and compare "methods of eating vag"

I know next to nothing about college football. SEC. Un-prosecuted rape. Heisman.

thanks for the comment! edited attachments to reflect

 

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