Updated Resume

No full sentences in your interests/activities. Keep it concise. More focus on results, less on job descriptions. You switch between present and past tense a lot; try to keep it consistent. I'd drop the thesis title and just describe it. "Master's thesis focusing on MATLAB-based development of in-vivo surgical robot" or something. Don't want to sound too pretentious or superfluous (as thesis titles are wont to do).

There are a lot of things that I really do not like:

1) Take off that Yale course... it is just an online course that doesn't mean anything! Makes it look like you're stretching, which you are. 2) Take off 1000 pound portfolio. That is tiny for "proprietary trading. 3) The 16 hour day thing is silly... doesn't mean much in finance when everyone works that hard 4) I would take off that report on the IB industry since it is something they'll grill you on.

Most importantly, looking at your profile I do not think you have a strong enough resume to get interviews at the big firms especially coming from a non-target. So I think you need to look elsewhere.

The prop trading experience is slightly strange - its during your term time so how did you work 16 hour days? also an 8% return from november to march is not stellar. did you mean monthly return? also to trade don't you need to have passed FSA exams? i think FT might be a bit too difficult. your best bet is applying for internships or perhaps prop trading firms like Optiver. Optiver in particular don't really care about your background but the process is extremely rigorous.

Hahah the Open Yale thing was quite funny. But anyways, solid advices so make the necessary changes and your resume shud look 1000x better.

My two cents, I find it irritating how you don't follow the order of your heading "Skills,Activities,Interests" so as youre making these changes you can edit this. Keep your activities and interest section concise. "I am tech savvy" shud not fall under interests, its just awkward. Instead, demonstrate your tech savvyness by listing out some actual tech things that you follow and actually interest you.

A lot to improve, most have been mentioned above.

I would say you need to stop writing in first person narrative, don't use "I can" and "I have" etc. You've written the CV in a very conversational manner.

Also some of the statements are too subjective e.g. "passion for.." and to call yourself 'technology savvy'. Poor choice of words and they reflect your own perception as opposed to recognised attributes through achievements in those things.

For your A-level, no need to say "studied for...". I think there's a comma missing between Accounts and Maths? Unless that's one subject. There's inconsistency with the position of the grade. For the degree you've got the expected grade along the left where as for A-level you've got the points aligned to the right.

Having done A level myself I believe that the more common way to present them is by the subject and the corresponding grade following it e.g. Mathematics (A), Biology (A) etc. For those who will be reviewing your CV the fact that you've opted to state UCAS points suggests you don't think the individual grades were that good.

Don't know what's going on with the white bullet points for the first job but black points for the rest of the CV. Alignment is different to everything else as well for what reason? The bullet point underneath A-level isn't quite aligned with the rest either.

Grammar is pretty poor but again, rather than correcting the grammar in this sort of narrative you need to structure the sentences differently altogether. Especially in the last section where it should all be written more like a list, separating with commas rather than typing them as a full sentence.

Firstly I'd like to thank you all on your feedback so far and I have come up with a second draft which you scrutinise yet again.

http://www.razume.com/documents/27138

@illuminati - My course is a wierd one, in the UK here a MEng (Masters in engineering) is a 4 years masters course from the onset so I have no bachelors to put on my CV and yeast I meant first class honors which is equivalent to an estimated 3.6-3.7GPA

@darety - My uni timetable last year was relaxed as I had tues + weds off so whenever I could I'd head down to their trading floor and work my ass off, as for the 16-hour stints I did that during the Christmas holidays when I was working there everyday for 3 weeks. Also my plan was to apply for FT though that is a long shot, what internships would you recommend applying for as most firms wont accept my application as I don't graduate in 2014 (graduating in 2013)

@mknight - Regards to my a-level results they were pretty poor only achieved a BBBD due to extenuating circumstances at home, I know bare minimum for most firms is 320points so felt that including 360points rather than my grades would be appropriate.