need some Serious life advice

Hello, as the name suggests, this is a throwaway account.
Your time is precious, so feel free to skip the following 2 paragraphs.

I'm not really the type to put my rather dull life story on display in front of random disinterested souls (and i wont) but ive been a part of wso for quite a while now and feel like in a part of the community. I dont know, this is a crapshoot, fuck it.

I've been depressed, living day by day for almost 4 years now (i dont mean financially, I'm still 22, I've got emotional parents so I live with them). I mean with literally everything else. My day starts and i dont have ANY goal throughout, and i somehow manage to waste time and get through all of it and the process repeats again. I'm a finance aspirant, i have been ever since we were taught how to use leverage to magnify EPS in high school business class. The problem with me is, even though i am surrounded by the very very hardworking people, i grew up to be the most lazy, procrastinating and selfish piece of shit ever, or atleast thats what i thought, until now. I never went to a shrink regarding my depression, even though it has taken a toll mentally, physically and has done some ( a lot actually) irreparable damage to my life. This is what the actual problem with me is :-

-Start Reading Here-
Every successful (whatever that means acc. to you) person, atleast from what I've seen, has a
1. theory, or atleast a concept in mind on how life/the world works
2. which gets broken down into a 'vision' on how he/she wants his/her wants to turn out or the impact they want to have on the society
3. and then the goals that are set in order to achieve that
ALL of which happens to be missing in my life. (which might be why i'm so reluctant to work hard)

What was your process in figuring out all of this?
And how did you translate it into your life?

(may skip this)
After some serious reflection on how my life turned out i concluded a few things on how i should get my life back together and one of the things was to enter the profession i'm currently studying for. Why? Because It happens to be the only thing I ever failed at. Why did i fail? Because the only things this profession requires to succeed are ability to work hard (and i dont) and open mindedness to learn.
I DO happen to be genuinely interested in the work, which is why i tried and failed in the first place but my long term (5+ years) goal is to end up in finance in a related role (which is not going to be a problem if things turn out well)
BUT i'm not able to concentrate at all as all of it seems very empty and detached.
I'm really lucky to still be in the care of my parents and i really wanna make things work (basically dick up), but i start working hard and it works out for a couple of days but i relapse hard and this viscous cycle has been repeating for white a while now. Acing these exams are my answer for all this mess in my life. DO I just follow this?
If you read through all of it, you have my heartfelt thanks.
Any general comments are welcome too. :)

 

My advice... go find a Psychologist and use therapy as a way to work through your issues. There is nothing wrong with using psychotherapy, and I'm sure it would surprise you to hear that it's a fairly common in finance despite being such a hush hush topic. No one talks about it because it may be viewed as a sign of weakness, but consider going down that route to help figure out the root causes and work on them. What works for me is going to be different than what works for you, so you need to figure out how to do whats best for you.

 
Best Response

You're a bit all over the place @realthrowawayaccount" so stick with me here. My response probably will be as well.

  1. You say you’re depressed. Well, if you think you are, get to a therapist and/or psychiatrist as soon as possible. There are tons of legitimate reasons for depression and multiple forms/types of depression and almost all are manageable. You say this has been going on for 4 years? Jesus, dude. Get to a doctor. The fix could be be as simple as taking a pill in the morning with your coffee. My gf had anxiety problems and my sister was very, very depressed. Both are now highly functional human beings because of a simple solution.

  2. I don’t think normal people have massive life-defining goals that they achieve or strive for day to day. Try and focus on goals lower on the hierarchy chart. For instance, I want to be a rockstar real estate developer one day. Do I achieve that on a day to day basis? Fuck no. I do the work I’m assigned as a summer associate for a development company, try to go above and beyond when doing it, and make sure to spend some time on networking and reading.

  3. Being a lazy, procrastinating, selfish person goes hand in hand with depression. As I said above, you need to see a doctor to get your chemicals back in balance, but you also need to make some life changes. Buy some nice clothes, work out, get a haircut, watch your diet, buy a new video game or book, get laid, hang out with friends etc. You need to make life changes that will make you feel better about yourself and thus make you happy.

  4. If you can afford it, move the hell out of your parents’ house. When I started as an office broker on all commission, I lived with my dad and stepmom. It was terrible. I wasn’t fully treated like an adult, I had to deal with the stress of what they were anal about, I got laid maybe 3 times in 6 months, I never saw my friends because I lived an hour from the city where they all lived, and it was terrible. It ruined my attitude, which affected my work. Part of growing up is taking control of your own life instead of being batted around by the whims of others. Your parents are emotional? Call them every other week. Text them in the morning. You don’t need to live with them at 22.

  5. Don’t study for a profession you failed at (some actual detail here would be helpful) just because you failed at it. If you don’t actually want to do it, you’re just masturbating.

  6. Every “relapse” you have is the result of you not making the changes above. If you bash your head against a brick wall hoping to break through, all you’re going to do is give yourself a concussion. It’s time to stop doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

  7. And finally, drop the self-help stuff. This theory, vision, goals, stuff is useful but hardly a bible to live by. Try this instead - 1. Find out what you want to accomplish. 2. Find out what you have to do to get there. 3. Do it. You don’t need some overarching value statement or philosophical drive behind it. Find something to accomplish and accomplish it. Find a girl you want to fuck and romance her until you fuck her. Find a weight you want to bench press and work on it until you do. Find a car you want to buy and save up until you can. Find a career path you want and work your ass off until you get it. It sounds flippant, and it’s certainly not easy, but it is IS very simple.

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

Yeah, I mean I don't really have any insight on Singapore or India or moving country to country in general, nor do I know how easy it is to get professional help for depression in non-US countries, but I do know that if you don't stop looking at your past as a predictor of your future then no one else will either. What's done is done. It's a sunk cost.

It took me 6 years to graduate from undergrad. It was a shitty college and I resented that I was there. I fucked up numerous times and got fucked over by others numerous times. I got kicked out of school. My very well educated family had pretty much given up at that point and started with the "well, college isn't for everyone" talk. Fuck that. I came back, became vice president of my fraternity, president of student government, graduated, got hired, got into business school, etc.

Not everyone has an easy path. Not everyone gets into an Ivy league school, graduates in 4 years with all A's, gets a job on wall street, and succeeds immediately. Some of us are morons and do stupid things and then more stupid things happen to us and are done to us because when you're a moron it compounds quickly. None of that matters though. Get through it; get past it; and get over it. Moving forward is the best thing you can do.

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

Aliquam iure doloremque veniam perferendis excepturi cum et nulla. Incidunt non dicta qui magni ullam.

Esse ipsa soluta veniam velit est quas. Autem ratione repellat et ipsa nihil recusandae laudantium. Est sunt omnis et illo voluptatem. Illo impedit optio tempora dolor dolore. Quos ducimus et omnis libero ad nulla. Blanditiis consequatur quaerat adipisci necessitatibus adipisci. Minima earum illo nihil expedita.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (85) $262
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (65) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (198) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (143) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”