This thread has a double purpose:
Vote & Unleash your comments on the “Most useless Department in the whole business world” anonymously in the comments section below.
Dear HR people, I truly despise you.
You are nothing but a bunch of bureaucratic doubags with your “Performance Assessments” and Fug “satisfaction surveys” which no one takes seriously and have no real effect whatsoever on the future of the business.
Your EuhREKA Platforms COST $$$$$$$ to KEEP SECRETERIAL DOCUMENTS??!!! Your JEEVAN SYSTEMS COST $$$$ to upload PASSPORT COPIES??
And you say you manage Talent??!! And you are put as front line for screening CVs and Applicants??
What the hell makes you think that studying HR in College makes you capable of screening a Mechanical Engineer’s potential though your TALEO Online Recruitment PLATFORM, that again costs $$$$$$$?
Actually, if any HR is reading this thread, I’ll let you know a small secret. Here are the following HR & Recruitment responsibilities:
1- Screen out Talent:
FAIL, even if they are able to do that, they know very well they do not decide who gets recruited.
A small call from Senior Management can shake up their whole “HR POLICIES” and recruit a kid with a 2.5 GPA. So another FAIL for not being able to enforce your policies.
2- Documents & Other Crap no one wants to deal with:
Issue Employment Agreements (Administrative, Legal), Employment Certificates & similar letters (Clerical, Administrative or Secretarial Function at best) as well as Demobilization/Termination Letters (Can be handled directly by each Business Line’s Manager) Payroll (part of Finance/Accounting, which no one likes to do)
As you can notice, these functions above have been delegated to HR because they are complete bullshit and no one wants to waste time doing them. In fact, my view is that they have regrouped all the stupid functions in a new department called “Human Resources” just to make them happy with a new title so they can call themselves Professionals.
We can easily remove HR from existence and transfer back these responsibilities where they belong.
FAIL
3- Talent Management:
Ok I won’t waste time here because simply no successful man has ever credited HR for his career development.
In fact, I am yet to meet a single person that does not hate the HR Department, just google “I hate HR” or “HR is CRAP” or anything of this sort and you will see for yourself.
FAIL
Do they even do anything else? Why the hell are there programs in Universities called HRIR?? Why do they steal people’s money for teaching them secretarial formalities that require 0 IQ, no Math, no analytics, nothing whatsoever and launch them in the wrong direction in their life??
In my point of view, this whole HR is a Profession joke should stop, HR is a group of Administrative Officers, Secretaries and Clerks grouped together under a fancier job description. These departments should be dismantled and erased from the existence of any Firm that is serious about Selling, General & Administrative expenses on their Income Statement.
Ok so I absolutely needed to unleash this somewhere, I am interested in hearing your views about which department needs to go to hell down below.
+1 and many more if I could. I think HR can be streamlined to just 9-10 people with the bs work all outsourced or done on a contractual basis.
This is a great post, one thing is that the head of hr is almost always reporting directly to the Ceo.
If it was me I would make him report to his secretary.
Just imagine the Head of HR in an important meeting discussing the future of a large company:
"I will make my people issue more letters and put candidates through 2 years recruitment path"
Dude, today, we recruit in summer 2016 for summer 2017, what the hell??? What if I loose my passion and interest for the financial industry due to boredom while waiting and join as an unmotivated and lazy ass just to collect the paycheck??
I know that someone would say "if you loose interest just cancel your commitment and go do other things" NO, because that would mean I have to do another year long process, I'll just join and collect the paycheck, thanks.
Since when and why the hell does recruiting have to take a year, a month long process is more than enough.
When you need to fire people, you need HR. They will make it harder to fire people, but the hoops they make you pass through protect the organisation in the long run.
This is 100% true, HR is only put in a serious responsibility, when heads of other departments want to fire people but don't wanna do it themselves.
While they know the ins and outs of how to fire people while protecting the organization, they mostly fail in critical situations and most fired bankers for example, go to court and win the case.
It only takes a 30 minutes reading of the Labor Law to reach the same level of understanding they have of the matter. For me firing people should be taken care of by the Legal department, by those who are experts in law.
But again, as I said before, this "legal" task has been delegated to them cause no one wants to do it.
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