Us humans are built to worry.
Last Tuesday I was on a call with a client who is fast-forwarding a couple of years ahead worrying about whether he will have enough money to retire.
Now, as he already knows, the worry is irrational, he has tons of money, but his brain hasn't yet received the memo...
That night I had dinner with friends in Vail who are worried about the same thing. Truth is, they have many millions of dollars less than my client, but they too know the worry is irrational.
Often people say, "Just stop worrying," but the brain doesn't work that way. The brain is built with a negativity bias which means we are biologically built to worry (great for survival, less great for happiness :).
But the reason my friends haven't yet stopped worrying about an irrational fear has less to do with how your brain is built, and more to do with how you use it.
Perhaps the most powerful conclusion in all of my research on the brain is that the way we think and feel is little more than a product of our conditioning.
If every day you show up at the gym and only do left arm bicep curls, of course over time that muscle will get strong relative to the rest of your body, and your brain works the same way.
This is because the particular sequence of neurons that are activated when you worry for instance get stronger every time you run that "pattern" of thinking.
Therefore, the key to stop worrying is to use that worry "pattern" less and keep strengthening and conditioning the other "muscles" of your brain.
Here's three steps to do this:
1. Interrupt the old pattern of thinking
This is the number one reason most therapy and personal change fails. It's intuitive that we try to confront the problem by say listing out the reasons not to worry, but that has the reverse effect of only strengthening that worry pattern (e.g. imagine arm wrestling that left bicep and you see it only gets stronger).
Instead, like starving a fire of oxygen, stop thinking about the old problem.
2. Shift your thinking to what you want
Instead of attacking the problem, go straight to the solution by focusing on one thing—how do you want to feel? And I don't mean, "not-worried about money," but how do you feel with all the money you want?
Here you want to spend at least 2-3 minutes building up this feeling and imagining your future working out exactly as you would like...
3. Focus on actions
Nearly every thing that us humans worry about is outside of our control (especially if you pay attention to the noise of the world). Instead, keep taking action on the things you can control and imagine those things working out exactly as you would like...
Now because you are conditioning a new way of thinking and feeling, you want to run this process over and over and over again until some point soon you're looking back noticing that your brain no longer runs that old irrational pattern...
Geoff Blades is the author of Do What You Want on Wall Street. A former investment banker at Goldman Sachs and investor at the Carlyle Group, Geoff Blades is an advisor to senior Wall Street executives, CEOs, and other leaders on strategic matters as well as topics of personal and professional development.
I feel like worrying is good because it helps us plan for the future. In that case, it would not be beneficial to condition yourself to not worry, especially when you have things to worry about
I actually quite vehemently disagree with this "advice". Neurotic worrying about potential future outcomes in my control has been the driving force behind my academic and career (albeit short) accomplishments.
Of course when you're already a millionaire, it's easier to work on programming yourself to change worrying habits. The hard part is becoming a millionaire. Worrying is evolutionarily adaptive, as you mentioned. Personally speaking, a carefree attitude would not be compatible for me to achieve. I'm not saying carefree attitudes and accomplishment are mutually exclusive, but it takes a certain, and rare, breed of person to be ultra successful while being a generally cool customer.
for those of you disagreeing, I think I know what geoffblades is getting at. a life free of worry doesn't mean being arrogant, lazy, lackadaisical, or unambitious, thinking that good things will come to you. you are confusing worry with having fire in your belly to better yourself. you can have that but also not worry as much.
worrying about things you cannot control is utterly pointless (whether or not the interviewer gives you the job, for example). however, you can take steps (within your control) leading up to the final point. for example, you can practice your technicals, go to toastmasters to improve your speaking, get your suit dry cleaned days in advance, get a haircut, etc., all of which are important things that are within your control. if you have done everything right, sure you may not get a job/client/promotion, but there is nothing to gain from worry (fearful anticipation of the unknown). once you fail, use that as motivation, but until you know something, don't worry, it's a waste of time.
seriously, it's that simple. worry about what you can control, and the rest, don't.
You got it, brofessor!
That’s exactly right. To address Predilection and iggs, I spend a lot of time with my clients distinguishing between motivation strategies and mindset.
Worry is an incredible motivator, and most of us most of the time are more motivated away from the pain we are trying to avoid (e.g. worry) than we are towards the pleasure we think we want. (e.g. are you motivated towards being rich or away from being poor?)
The problem with this type of away-from motivation is that it holds you back. Iggs, 20 years ago I would have agreed with you 100% as my worry certainly contributed to me doing whatever it took to get the best grades I could, but this "pattern" only kept haunting me, and I wanted to build a better way.
And it's true once you've made your money you might be able to change it, but that's 20 years of feeling crappier than you need to feel, as I and many of my clients have lived...
Even today 50ish year-old clients try to tell me that it's their stress and anxiety that motivates them. it's true a little good stress (called eustress) can be a powerful motivator, but nobody performs at their peak when riddled by fear and worry....not to mention, who wants to feel that way every day?
The key is to be able to motivate yourself in ways that drive you powerfully and also feel great—that's your true underlying source of motivation.
In the case of iggs example, instead of neurotically worrying about future outcomes, why not build up your future scenarios so that they are so exciting you will do whatever it takes to make it happen? (probably because it doesn't motivate you as much as neurotically worrying, even though that feels crap).
But, however you see the relationship with worry and motivation, brofessor is right on—stop worrying about what you can't control, all the way from the awful news to the stock market. Simply focus on dialing your mind in on what you want and taking the actions to get it.
We need a permanent front page post on this. The overlooked yet basic steps for non-target: Gotta figure out what job you want, which entails learning about the industry. Then learn the skills to do the job. Then learn how to communicate those skills to people.
A little life balance goes a long way, worry to much and you start losing hair. On the other end, you don't worry at all and you probably won't accomplish much.
In relation to a comment above, I don't think worrying in the academic world is on par with worrying in the real world. Worrying in school creates minor stress in my experience. Why? Because most decisions and outcomes in school are rather linear. There aren't many decisions to be made. After choosing the school and major, it's like who do I want to hang with, what grades do I need to get or want, am I going to join a frat? The worries that come as a true adult can consume you. Am I in the right city? Am I investing my earnings the right way? Does my boss like me? Am I underpaid/under performing? Do I even like my job? Just the tip of the iceberg. I don't say these things to disagree with you, only to warn future graduates. Not everyone gets their dream job/life situation right out of the gate.
I made the transition recently and just made my first job change. It was the hardest thing I have ever done as I constantly question myself, it's easy to become consumed. My motivations have changed greatly in the past year. I no longer waste my time looking at new cars, watches, etc. I only want to spend money on things that I will greatly enjoy. Beyond that, financial independence and a wealthy tomorrow are my new and greatest motivation.
Can we get rid of this guy's posting? Its just marketing spam.
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