FML: Breaking Into IBG (A story of International Associate)

Rants of an Ex IBG Associate who is trying to break in to IBG AGAIN:

I am the guy who has already broken in into IBG in an emerging market. Now I m trying to break into Wall Street or IB as a international student. Call me corporate burglar for breaking in. (Self patting on the joke, seems like unemployment is getting to my head)
I have 5 years of IBG experience, 2 as an associate (bulge bracket) and 3 as an investment analyst (boutique). Done away with CFA level 1, prepping for level 2. Enrolled in MS financial mathematics (non-target), AI is the future boys (not being gender specific so girls too). Seems like it’s a re run of my life from 5 years back when I got out of b school as an undergrad.
I know financial modelling, review of legal documents,working with TLC, the whole nine yards and more. But still I feel like shit when I get a reply from IB firms. Got to applaud them for at least acknowledging that I have a strong resume. (Bitches thank hire me)
Current update of my job tracker sheet states
Big 4 Bulge bracket banks
JPM: Quantitative analyst/ associate intern position: under consideration for 6 months (bitch just tell me to eff off already)
UBS: Quant Trader: under consideration for 5 months ( I think UBSs culture would disagree with not sending that “thank you for applying” email)
Morgan Stanley: quant analyst (hoe just update my application)
Wells Fargo (at least you are fair with stating job requirements . Either work authorisation or Chinese you cheap shit)

Supranational-s:
IFC: applied for 3 Investment analyst position: played the brown card for networking: still under consideration for 4 months. MF make up your mind. If that’s how much time you guys take to send a reply, God help the countries you guys are investing in.
World bank: hey I’m just blocks away from you sweetheart. Just give me an internship. I have the experience. Only if I have been an Arab. Gold digger!!!!
IMF: haven’t applied: because at this point can’t tell the difference from any of you hoes.

Big 4 Audit firms: relying on you to be my saviour. At this point in time I gotta congratulate myself for being hopeful resilient and any other positive adjectives that I can think off( won’t put high frequency words if you are looking for them download Magoosh gmat or GRE)

Numerous others IB/PE/consulting firms: only if I have been from target, had work authorisation, Chinese, or I don’t know can’t figure out)

Help me guys. I think I should apply for the railway tracks. Just kidding don’t put me up for suicide help line.

Thank your for reading everyone this is Felix@OIBTIDA.

Would want you guys for suggestions.

Best