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Be honest, don't you feel that sense of pride when you put down "Investment Banking" as your job industry separating you from the other worthless blue collar peons out there. It feels so good, it's like a breath of relief knowing you work at a prestigious investment bank and that few other white collar people can touch your glorious ELITE career. It's like a nice pat on the back after a hard day of classes.

I would like to see what kind of sexy sexy women I can expect in the future, so what kind of messages/butterfaces/response hit rates are you guys getting on these e-dating sites?

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Comments (21)

  • CitySophisticate's picture

    LMAO.

  • Puzich's picture

    you can expect zero decent women with that kind of attitude. If you are looking for gold-diggers, no need for e-harmony, just visit a few top bars.

  • rebelcross's picture

    Good to see PJC back at work.

  • coffeebateman's picture

    Glad to see you back PJC. PJC recently promoted me to MD/Chief Rainmaker at Pipernancial Technological Chang Chang Partners.

    --------------------------------------------------------
    "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcom

  • PiperJaffrayChiang's picture

    No. I never said I liked gold diggers, but I sure like hearing about them try and grub for junior bankers like me. stories like that warm my heart.

    =========================================
    We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria

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  • D M's picture

    You make me giggle a little bit.

    "You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
    "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

  • singularity's picture

    Trying too hard with trolling has the same shitty results as trying too hard with women.

  • PiperJaffrayChiang's picture

    don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about. i know at least 5 guys in the menlo park area that do this, maybe dating sites aren't as big on the east coast...

    =========================================
    We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria

  • rebelcross's picture

    Everybody get off your high horse. PJC is a legend around here. He's earned the right to troll as he so pleases. You all need to go back and get an education on WSO history before you post again.

    And by the way, trollin' or not, I'm actually legitimately interested to know what would happen. PJC if you're doing this for real, PM me.

  • The Shit's picture

    Yeah, just answer the question. So what if he's a troll? I find it hilarious.
    In fact I'd like to see more trolls like PJC.

  • rooster's picture

    I think you guys should really be careful before you select Investment Banking as your career on any of these dating sites. It was nearly four months ago that I first created my profile on match.com. I'm no Jonas brother, but consider myself a decent looking guy. Anyway, I selected investment banking as my career and listed my annual income, set up the rest of my profile (I like dogs, swimming, cocaine etc), and went to sleep. I figured I'd leave my line in the water for a day or so, and check back on it in a day or two. This is where shit got crazy.

    At the time, I had a lenovo thinkpad. Nothing fancy, just a solid workhorse of a laptop. Never had any issues, until that night. At around 3:15 AM, I woke up to a room filled with smoke and noticed a small glow coming from my desk. Upon closer inspection, the bitch was on fucking fire. Quickly, I poured out the dregs of a week-old Coors that was sitting on my desk to extinguish the small flame and opened the window to let the smoke out. I was tired as shit, so I went back to sleep.

    The next day at work, I tried to log into my account on match.com, but the site said that it was performing some routine maintenance and apologized for the inconvenience. Whatever I'll check the shit later.

    However, after signing into my email, I noticed an unusual message from Site Administration at match.com, and opened it to investigate. I read it. Apparently, the volume of women (and a few flamers) that attempted to message me caused the servers at the match.com headquarters to crash. They notified me that I was required to list my income at less than $80,000 annually, or I could keep my income but had to replace Investment Banking with Consulting. This would obviously cause the number of suitors to decrease and the site could resume normal operations. Fuck them and their site, attempting to degrade me to such lowly status. I went into the site and added my bonus to the annual income. Fuckers.

    Within two hours, all major news channels were covering the breaking news: a fire had broken out and engulfed the entire match.com headquarters at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory in Manhattan. The CEO at match.com quickly shifted the blame to the women making clothes a few floors below. You can read about the cover-up here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_Shirtwaist_F...). Match.com quickly booted their remote servers and the site was back online within minutes, and thanks to the beefed-up specs of the remote servers, I was able to access my inbox and begin reaping the rewards of my elite status.

    These days, in my free time I slay women at an average rate of 2 per hour. It would be more, but I prefer a ham and cheese sandwich in between sessions. The average quality of women is a 9.3 and I never double-dip. However, in order to protect me from the militias of middle-class men who wish to cut off my balls a la The Ladies Man for stealing all of the match.com women, I now have 5 german shepherds who wear bespoke bulletproof vests, and have hired Marvin Harrison as my full time bodyguard. Sometimes we run train.

    A few weeks after my apartment fire, FDNY Investigators determined that the cause of the fire was a blunt roach that was not fully extinguished and reignited when it came into contact with some Bacardi 151 that some stupid whore spilled on my desk when me and Marvin were Eiffel Towering her the night before.

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    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • rebelcross's picture

    Very well done Rooster, very nice. From start to finish well put together.

    PJC, Rooster...a few others, maybe even myself, we should give formal classes on trolling for all the wannabe trolls out there who don't know how to put together a competent, original and humorous post that delivers the goods like this. I'd award a banana if I could.

  • soitwouldseem's picture

    rooster that was hilarious.

  • D M's picture

    I award you an imaginary silver banana seeing as how I'm out. Thanks, rooster

    "You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
    "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

  • In reply to rooster
    alphadogg's picture

    rooster:
    They notified me that I was required to list my income at less than $80,000 annually, or I could keep my income but had to replace Investment Banking with Consulting. This would obviously cause the number of suitors to decrease and the site could resume normal operations. Fuck them and their site, attempting to degrade me to such lowly status. I went into the site and added my bonus to the annual income. Fuckers.

    LOL
  • In reply to alphadogg
    Chim Chim's picture

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  • rooster's picture

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • Swiss_Ninja's picture