Critique my Resume[take 2]

Thanks to everyone for critiquing my original resume. Especially 2 IB1, goalieman688, drexelalum11, pjones1021, xabaglione, duno123, and MezzCat. Would love to hear from you again.

I guess my fault was that I uploaded my general resume online (one I use at the career fairs with tons of various jobs). This new draft is intended for getting an internship in banking/finance. I would like to know your opinion, particularly about these parts:

  1. Under SKILLS, ACTIVITIES & INTERESTS, 3rd bullet point "US Perminent Resident (citizenship expected Sep'09". You opinion on wording/placement at the resume? Some people suggested that based on my last name & fluency some employers might worry about my residency status. I would love to write that I came to the US 5 years ago w/o bluntly stating it.

  2. In one of the resumes I notices phrase "Worked 10 - 12 hours a week to support myself financially," or something of same sort. What's your opinion about this fact?

P.S.: What kind of banking/finance related gigs (part time job, research, volunteering, etc.) would make my resume stronger? So far I have only one.

 

You need to extend your morgan stanley stint a little bit more. Im not to sure what program you were enrolled in but sounds like you got some great training. Also I hope you understand that in interviews they will ask you anything thats on your resume. Qualitative/Fundamental/ Technical analysis are all very broad subject matters. I hope you can back your knowledge up buddy. I doubt in detail you can describe differences between those three.

 

Technical: you really don't need to list word/excel/powerpoint. If you for some reason still feel inclined, just put down office

  • no need for the US Permanent Resident. No point in bringing this up. On your actual application, this will be covered.

-put firefighter as an activity, not job (unless you are going into more detail, but it's pretty self explanatory)

  • your work experience right now says absolutely nothing. None of it is interesting, worth reading, or speaks about any actual accomplishments. I'd do a complete rewrite and would consider taking some of it off if you really have nothing to add

  • sitting through a lecture by a MS VP is not work experience. Put it as an activity. If I see that, I'm going to ask you about it. When you tell me you sat through a lecture (or did anything other than go into the actual office on a regular basis), you're automatically eliminated in my mind. Attending a lecture is not "interning", and it shows a lack of integrity if you try to play off this EC as a job

  • fix your SATs. do SAT II Math: XXX ... no need for your verbal

 
Best Response

-I wouldn't take GPA out to 2 decimal points. Also, don't denote it as "Cumulative GPA," unless it is denoted otherwise that is assumed. Simply write as GPA: 3.9 s -SAT is formatted odd. Where is your normal Math score? We don't want to know your custom split, that is fuzzy math. If you got an 800 on Math II, I'd assume you did well on the regular math section. Write it as: SAT: XXXX (XXX M, 620 V) -The "all quarter's on dean's list looks odd messing with your capitalization flow. I'd write "Dean's List, 2006-Present" -Move "expected highest honors down from your degree line to a bullet point. Write as "Magna Cum Laude, Expected" -Your work experience should have a year by both months, i.e. Aug. 09-Sep. 09. Your formatting will be inconsistent otherwise -March 09 hasn't passed yet, you should denote the MS gig as "-present" -The MS gig obviously is new, but focus more on what you've done, give specifics, and quantify your experience and results -Lose "Intercollegiate" from your Athletic department gig. -Under that gig, don't say "opened/closed facility. Firstly, don't use the slashes, but also give more info on how this evidences attention to detail -don't say you cooperated with government organizations, write that you coordinated this, intereacted, developed a security plan, et cetera. Make it seem this was more important than picking up a phone -give more info on how you screened hires and how you identified when hires were needed -your task lists should be fleshed out more; don't say what they were, but emphasize the organizational import of this and the leadership involved -also, don't differentiate between your two roles there as different jobs, just delete the "event staff" line and expand the dates on the line above. Do something to make the two line below that more important. maybe combine them with other bullets above so you don't have a massive number of lists -don't be scared to say what you did as a wildlife firefighter, emphasize how this shows accountability, hard word, leadership, etc. make it clear this was cool as well. -don't list when you were promoted on the vet gig, just give your highest title. you weren't there long enough and it was long enough ago for the distinction not to matter -Change the title to "UC Davis Veterinary Medicine Public Relations" -your first buller there seems extraneous. no one cares if you assisted, make it pretty or lose it. -the second line should not mention the promotion, it should be moved to the first bullet and focus on data collection and database creation, which can be made to seem relevant -ditto with the archives, make it clear how you independently managed these archives (if you weren't independent, they don't need to know) -the skills section should still lose half of the technical section. It is not necessary to go two lines so you can put down word/excel/powerpoint. lose those or just write MS Office (i'd strongly suggest just losing it) -Format your ECs less like work experience, or else move it above skills. Certainly don't date your interests though (six months of powerlifting makes me wonder how you could possibly be winning competitions, and then I think roids). If you keep it there, make it one line and format as: *Activities: Powerlifting (APA California 181lb Record , 2008 NorCal Open 1st Place Benchpress), Segundo Leadership & Activities Council, UC Davis Athletics Club Those last two certainly didn't deserve their own lines, let alone two a piece

It's better, and at least readable. Make a few changes post again and you should be close. I'd very much suggest that you use this resume for all of your jobs as well, not just applying for banking. It is much better than the old one and it doesn't make sense not to utilize it.

 

2 dipset1011. There were about 600 students who applied. When they called me, there were 20 spots open and 300 more students to interview. It was not "those classes to take". We have to drive to Sacramento and go to HIS office twice a week: once for his "lectures", and another time for reading research reports. There are couple of kids from Berkeley who are in program. We also perform market study and virtual stock portfolio, so haters, are you that serious? And on top of that we can get internship and credits if we want to. Dont you worry about me if at interview someone will ask me about this internship.

I thought that students who want to be ibankers would be one of the most intellectual and open minded people (especially the ones from Ivy Leagues). I always ignored comments about some kids from Ivy Leagues being stuck up little brats. But jeeze some people here love to make assumptions and judge each other. Next time try to be open minded, kk?

2you-down-with-SEC That guys from video pretends to be 1) CEO; 2) Wrote book; 3) Great dancer; 4) Tennis player; 5) From Ivy League; 6) Martial Arts trainee; 7) Could bench (arguably). I have nothing, nothing similar with him. Do you like to run outside? Well, do you say everyone that you are track&field athlete? No, same with powerlifting and benchpress. Just because that guy benched questionable weight does not make him even close to powerlifters (btw none of his benches would count in real competition). That's sad that after his pathetic video a lot of people in finance/ibanking associate powerlifters with his video. I also have Red Card to prove that I was a firefighter, but oh wait, you never been one, so you don't even know what's that card about.

Anyhow. Thanks to people who left their opinions and advices

 
Emil:
2 dipset1011. There were about 600 students who applied. When they called me, there were 20 spots open and 300 more students to interview. It was not "those classes to take". We have to drive to Sacramento and go to HIS office twice a week: once for his "lectures", and another time for reading research reports. There are couple of kids from Berkeley who are in program. We also perform market study and virtual stock portfolio, so haters, are you that serious? And on top of that we can get internship and credits if we want to. Dont you worry about me if at interview someone will ask me about this internship.

That's still not an internship-- should be listed as an activity IMO

I thought that students who want to be ibankers would be one of the most intellectual and open minded people (especially the ones from Ivy Leagues). I always ignored comments about some kids from Ivy Leagues being stuck up little brats. But jeeze some people here love to make assumptions and judge each other. Next time try to be open minded, kk?

being open-minded involves considering something before rushing to judgment. In your case, there's not much to consider.

The issue is that you really don't know what you're getting into and haven't done much research. Spend the summer reading up on what investment banking actually is and how to break in to the field. Come back here after you do some reading on your own--- it's annoying when you come here and expect us to carry you through everything

 
Emil:
There were about 600 students who applied. When they called me, there were 20 spots open and 300 more students to interview. It was not "those classes to take". We have to drive to Sacramento and go to HIS office twice a week: once for his "lectures", and another time for reading research reports. There are couple of kids from Berkeley who are in program. We also perform market study and virtual stock portfolio, so haters, are you that serious? And on top of that we can get internship and credits if we want to.

Are you serious? I've heard driving in California is difficult, but that doesn't mean it qualifies you for ibd. I suspect when you say you "can get internships and credits" you mean UCD will give you credit for doing this program, which hardly makes it a real job. And "are a couple kids from Berkleley who are in program (sic)" - for someone who finds prestigious schools so anathema, it is interesting how you view the presence of students from a more prestigious institution than your own as validation of your actions.

I agree with what has been said; it is one thing to come and ask for our help, but to then describe those who told you to find a moral compass as "haters" is a sure fire way to elicit the type of responses some have left. It seems you know extremely little about investment banking; I'd be surprised if you could differentiate what an M&A banker does from the guy at Edward Jones. There is plenty of excellent information on jobs in the financial industry available, both online and in print. I'd suggest you take advantage of these resources. Considering you couldn't explain the first thing about the role of an investment banker, I'm confused how you think you should be applying for this job. It is certainly not going to be handed to you, and your explaining away lies on your resume gives the rest of us a bad name.

 

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