Lost, Feeling Like a Failure, and would appreciate any guidance, thank you
22M w/ ADHD in the US
I transferred from a school with a 3.91 GPA after my freshman, to a top school and just finished my third year with a cumulative 3.4 GPA.
Sophomore year I got into a relationship, became incredibly lazy and shitty/unethical, and GF left me. I was incredibly needy and codependent/anxious avoidant attachment. I grew incredibly depressed for months on end, and pulled myself together again at the start of junior year and after a summer going to visit family.
I kept getting involved with girls and useless extraneous shit for fun and lost the incredible self-discipline I once had. Also had incredible hubris and overconfidence that I could get stuff done at the last second, and ultimately did terrible on exams.
With another semester or two to go, I have no internship this summer. I had aspirations of working in finance, going to a top business school, and working in management/C-suite of companies. That future seems bleak and unachievable now. I have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. I feel ashamed, I feel like I've let down my parents who invested so much in me, and I feel terrible I acted so recklessly. I have $140k in student loans, and am dreading having to pay those back, but I'm even more angry I wasted the past two years, doing shitty in classes and in life, not getting my shit together, and being a waste of potential.
I've gotten my second C+ in a class. Grad business school aspirations are done for. No school will accept me. I'm also Asian so I have that going against me as well.
I feel like I missed the narrow window of opportunity I once had. Everyone else seems to have gotten on the train to a good future, and I missed it by being an idiot. I don't know how to proceed, nor what to do. I've lost my purpose. What are your thoughts?
Lol
Pull it together man. You missed a window, don't miss another one drowning in self pity. Suicidal thoughts? Are you serious?
You can do better than that. You did it before.
suicidal thoughts? just dont think them! its so simple
I'm sorry for not sounding more empathetic. There are people with more debt out there that still make a living. There are people out there with lower grades that still get all kinds of jobs and progressively do better (wso is full of those stories). Feeling that your life is ruined because you had c-suite aspirations?!
I'm not saying his feelings aren't real. I just hope he realises sooner rather than later than there's more to life, that there are ways out and that sometimes it's OK to settle of a little less in the short term.
To op: if the responses you received from the remaining posters (that are more sensible than mine maybe) aren't enough to help you find a new mindset, then please, please do speak to family, friends and a therapist before you harm yourself
Life is long. There are plenty of people who didn't get their #1 choice job after undergrad, and they still did exceptionally well. The cream always rises to the top. Keep working and you'll make it.
Fully agree^
Try to retroactively withdraw from the C+ classes, some programs allow for it and it'll significantly boost your GPA.
I had a lower GPA than you, was written up for drug use in my sophomore year, and attended an average liberal arts college (non finance major, non-diversity) and still got a job in IB (although I had to network a lott just to get my foot in the door). There were many days where I felt discouraged while recruiting, but it's all about your attitude. Keep your head high always and keep pushing forwards.
People face academic and social set backs a lot more than you think. Happens all the time, but you're young and have a lot of years ahead of you. Seriously, just believe in yourself and it'll work itself out.
I'm at a average LAC and took the semester off b4 starting IB FT. Second that attitude is the best asset you can have. I became too depressed after the passing of my grandfather and started questioning life and what is "happiness" - cried every single day of the semester. Can't say I still have a positive outlook on things, but I can tell you that my hungry for success and grateful for everyone I spoke to attitude helped me break in.
You missed a train, so what? Get on the next one and get to where you want to go. Endless trains and endless destinations.
What train? Pardon me, but what the fuck are you even talking about? You're still a fetus starting his adult life. Your understanding of adult life is at the same level as a baby learning the ABCs. Do you really think that someone of your age in high finánce is really on the path to achieving Nirvana? Your future MD/Principals friends will also reach their 60s and have the same thoughts as the garbage man: "Was this life? Well then, fuck me". With your attitude, you're also on this road. How do I know? Because your emotional state is dependent on social expectations. You lack the balls to live a life true to yourself. Your current failures lowered your expectations about what success is by tying it up to IB or whatever you want to do. As all is relative, the guy in banking will have higher expectations about what success is (spoiler: PE/HF). The PE guy would have higher ones (spoiler: HF/Business owner). The HF guy will have higher ones (spoiler: Become Ken Griffin). Everybody has a ceiling of what success means based on their current circumstances. So why not skip all this nonsense (especially the grass-always-greener syndrome) and reach the same conclusion as a 40-year-old MD would reach: I wish I was doing something else in life? Your current circumstances are a spectacular place to be because it puts a barrier in a path that is worse than your mind makes from it, but sadly, you're blind to the opportunity that this situation presents itself (namely, exploring something more profitable and interesting).
I get it, when you've been a loser in those past 2 years, your expectations about "improving" is getting a good job and hopefully going for an MBA. But see those goals as a reflection of a defeated mind anchored to some expectations that sound good only when relatively looked to its current situation. If you were in a better position now, this "train" that you're talking about will be seen in the same way as a PE Principal would look at Big 4 - a waste of time and potential.
Also, about your ADHD, read more about how nutrition and other factors affect concentration and focus. Andrew Huberman also has an episode on this I think. There are tons of ways to improve your brain's potential but people are lazy and opt for pills.
Agreed. Hate it when they put kids on these things that mess with their brain chemicals.
Would you care to give a few examples of these "more profitable/interesting paths" OP could explore? Just curious as I'm around OPs age and thinking about what to do as well after not converting my IB SA and screwing up many final rounds in OC/FT recruiting rn:-/but do understand there are other paths out there which may be more interesting to me though I'm not sure where to start.
Imagine you had to make a list of the 100 people you admire the most . . basically the 100 careers you’d most like to have.
Ask yourself, how many of those people had it all figured out in their junior year of college. One? Zero?
You said the future you imagined seems unlikely at this point, apparently because you don’t have a junior year internship. That’s plainly absurd. But I get why you feel that way, because forums like this one create a mentality of “the path”.
The path is only real if your lifelong goal is a PE associate gig at Blackstone or KKR. That specific role is available only to those who hit the right spots from high school through the 2nd week of their analyst stint when the mega PE fund made them an offer.
Any other role you could ever want is still up for grabs.
I was able to break into IB with a worse gpa than you, nothing is ever that out of reach when you’re young.
Your path to IB might be more convoluted now, but not closed. Maybe you do credit for awhile or work at some crappy middle tier bank like Baird for awhile. But if you work hard you can still make it.
First step, shake off your past failures and set a goal of finishing your college career strong. Finance is a large place and there are plenty of people who have made it from weak schools and poor academic profiles.
Next, study and prep diligently so when you do
land that interview you perform well. Exercise, eat well and limit alcohol for your last year. Pretend it’s your penance.
And finally, never make excuses like mentioning your adhd. Guess what? In todays world we all have short attention spans and find it hard to focus. You’re not special in that regard.
My thoughts? You won't get anywhere in life with that attitude. And not to say anything too off base, but mental illness is an over used cop out. Sometimes you just have to make yourself do what you don't want to do. Sure, it's easier said than done, but get out of bed, put your big boy pants on, and be productive with your life. You have the necessary tools in life to make something of yourself, but the "woe is me" attitude won't get you very far.
Use all that for motivation. You still have a chance to turn it around. We all wished we did better in college, I sure do. However, it's not the end of the world. Withdraw from the class, if applicable. Pick your grades back up, apply for internship, look into certifications, and network. This coming from a person who had multiple C's in college, but is a senior financial analyst and in MBA school. You'll be alright.
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