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My colleague who started as a mba associate and is now vp level started in investment banking married and with kids. His wife stays at home with the kids and he will often leave at 6 or 7 and work from home the rest of the night. I think they are used to maintaining their lifestyle and he doesn't want to leave banking for that reason (not able to replicate income in another industry).
I personally am getting married and might go back to an associate role in banking in a year or so. And I am confident that I can make it work, but we will have very specific financial and time frame goals.
When i first started, there was a 2nd year analyst that got married, but he was a loser and didn't want to work because his wife "made" him come home. He didn't know how to handle his wife and career and ended up being asked to resign. He would literally turn off his phone sometimes at around 8PM and would be completely unreachable.
*edit - typos, details
By "very specific financial and time frame goals" do you mean only stay for a few years?
Prioritizing his family over work doesn't make him a "loser." To each his own.
He's not saying that. The guy was a loser (and likely still is) because he had a leash around his neck, not because he prioritized family. There's a way to do it without losing your dignity.
Does anyone know of a situation where someone got engaged or married during his or her 2 year analyst period?
Yes, personally went into IBD as analyst being married which was not always easy and required a lot of understanding from my wife's side. Couldn't have done it without her acceptance and support. I also tried to carve out time for dinners/appointments but always remained reachable for colleagues and made up for those hours by staying later or getting in early. Even know a guy who was married with a child towards the end of his analyst stint. So it's possible but your significant other should better know what is coming and support you in this.
Still was incredibly happy to move into PE where hours can still be long but you get more flexible on your working hours and it gets a bit easier to make plans, etc.
First year analyst here. Got married 2 months after I started.
has it affected your work / marriage in any way?
I know 2 investment bankers who are married (met at uni, married before they started their analyst stint at a top 3 BB). They are still together (and both at the same BB and recently became associates).
Are they happy and well suited for each other?
I'm having trouble imagining myself married to another ibanker.
For those that got married during their IB career, was it easy to be able to take time off for the wedding/honeymoon?
@TheDiscountRate - they seem happy yes. They don't work in the same team at the BB so I guess they don't see each other that much anyhow.
I would think that this would be the better setup given the options. At least as a spouse you understand. There wouldn't be difficult conversations in which the other doesn't understand the long hours and why you "can't just come home" after 5.
The Best of Braverman has taught me not to get married in my 20s
So you need a wife to not feel lonely? That's a d-bag comment, too.
Full disclosure: I agree completely with @"Edmundo Braverman" that you shouldn't get married in your 20's.
I know a guy who was hired by a BB as a MBA associate, got married right before starting on the desk, postponed his honeymoon twice due to work and then got let go as literally the first guy in the rounds of 2012.
Pathetic to give up so much of your life to an institution that could care less about you. Being a monkey is a losing proposition.
I got married about 9 months after starting working as a 1st year and currently in PE. It has been tough but managed expectations and focusing on time together (showing you care- outside of buying things) goes a long way.
How great would it be to create a fake wife and kid so you can "work from home". That would be the power move haha.
I've been married for roughly half of my i banking career. Based on my experience and observations of other married people in the office, it's much easier when your spouse also has an equally demanding career. My wife is an attorney and is accustomed to putting in long hours herself, so she gets that I'm not going to be leaving the office when most people do. Other people in my office that have spouses that either don't work or have jobs that work more traditional hours are constantly being called and texted about when they're coming home.
That said, being in a marriage in which both people work long hours can still be tough sometimes and makes having kids nearly impossible unless one person is willing to give up their career or hire a full time nanny.
I am a first year analyst at a BB who is married. I served in the Marines after high school so I am generally 4 years older than my analyst peers. My wife is a lawyer so we both work shitty hours, but this was a conscious decision we made together. Being married as a junior banker can definitely work, but you BOTH have to be on the same page as far as what life is going to be like.
I'm in the Marine Corps at the end of my enlistment right now looking to get into investment banking. If you could pm me I would really appreciate it.
Most guys I know over 35 in IB are married or divorced. it seems stressful enough being in a position of influence at a bank and having family issues to attend to as well. i cannot imagine being married as an analyst (way too young anyways).
You need to have a wife who 'gets it.'
I have seen both those that do and those that don't. In the neighborhood I live in, most of the people who live there are age 35-40, married, have kids under age 10 and either both parents work or only one works and brings in a relatively large income (Banker, Lawyer, Dentist, CPA, etc). My wife, as well as her friends who are also stay-at-home moms, realize that in order to have your nice big house and stay home with your kids means that dad works his ass off.
If you marry someone who realizes that your idyllic yuppy lifestyle goes "poof" and you turn into some jerkoff living in the suburbs and eating at Applebees if you demand your husband switches to a 9-5 job, then it's actually really easy to make your wife support the banker lifestyle. Plus, she has seen it get progressively better as you become a more senior associate and start to take on more of a 'VP-level' role in your group.
One of the negative things I have seen, and caused a good lawyer friend of mine to get divorced, are women who grow up in a well-to-do home but were born after their fathers were already well-established and making good money. My friend's ex-wife's father was a very established doctor with his own practice in Little Rock, AK. Big house, vacation home on a lake, couple of country club memberships, private schools for the kids, private college/university for the kids, always had a couple of new Mercedes in the driveway, etc. However, his daughter only saw him later in life after he had sweated it out as a medical student, intern, resident, etc. She saw him as this super rich, respected community member who was always home at 5 PM with no weekend work. She never connected the dots that her dad got crushed for little to no pay until he was probably 35 years old. She only saw the long term payoff of that investment and therefore did not understand why her ex-husband had to slug it out for 5-7 years, working long hours and giving up a lot of time with her, until you get to the lifestyle she took for granted growing up.
Bankers have it a lot better than doctors and lawyers in the sense that a second and third year associate really starts to see some good financial rewards pretty quickly. If you compare three guys who graduate from medical school / law school / business school at about the same age and go into medicine / big law / investment banking, the banker will start to see the cash MUCH more quickly. If you look at those same three guys when they are 40 (assuming they finished school at 28-30), the investment banker is probably in the best shape financially.
A bit of a long post, but it's all about finding a woman who 'gets it.' Unless your last name is Kennedy or you fall backwards into money like some dot-com dude who just gets lucky, you have to put in the hours. There's no way around it. It does not matter what you end up doing. Just make sure you have a wife who understands that. My wife knows that if she wants me home at 5 with no weekends, that is totally doable. However, that means my $350 all-in paycheck turns into an $85 all-in paycheck. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out what happens to your lifestyle.
I started in IB as a third year analyst married with one kid and expecting the second one in a month after the start date. While the guys above are right about having an understanding wife, in reality it's more complicated than that. Watching after a kid is tough, watching after two is even tougher. You have to also understand what your wife is going through and be as accommodating as possible.
It is also extremely important what kind of people you are working with. I was fortunate to get in the group where my MD also had two kids when he was an associate and he understood the whole drill. We had an unspoken agreement that he will be cognizant of my family needs as long as I'm performing well at work and not dropping the ball. My team's understanding was extremely helpful.
Do not get married in your 20's. Period. Take it from a guy that was married and divorced before he hit 30. Now, marrying a girl in her mid 20's while you are in your mid 30's seems like a worthwhile idea. I'll let you all know how that pans out when/if I make it to that point.
ITT: Mormons
I know two analysts who are married. One is a Mormon, while the other is a bit older. The Mormon loves it or at least does his best to hide his misery. The other guy works in a group with few hours, but his wife "gets it". On the other hand, I have a director who is married, and he's miserable. He's at that point where he's trying to make MD, and that's almost impossible given that his wife calls every day at 6PM to ask when he's coming home.
It's almost expected at the larger MM shops that if you are an MD with a wife, you are likely going to end up divorced. I won't name the shop, but there is one in the Midwest where literally the entire group of MDs in the office are divorced. There are two directors that are still married and one is for certainly on the outs since he recently cancelled yet another vacation on his wife and kids.
I can only imagine it being even worse at BBs and EBs.
Can we get an update from @TNA" about his views on marriage? Haha.
I'm a VP at an elite boutique. Partner is a medical doctor. My career is highly internationally mobile, his is much in demand but limited due to licensing requirements, we grew up in the same country but now I live in a different one and we're having problems. I think that the bonding phase of a relationship is important, if we had met at University maybe we would be handle the stress of my long hours/unpredictable work schedule/travel. But meeting now makes courtship difficult, there's just not enough time to emotionally connect. The pressure is for me to take a lower paying job outside the industry close to him or for him to relicence and move to my current city. That's a huge professional risk for him, what happens if I get moved to another country or the relationship doesn't work out? I don't want to downscale my career because many would say I targeted a MD for the "financial benefits' especially as his mother already doesn't like me! I think if you meet when one or both of you arent career-active this type of relationship could work, meeting while already established makes prioritizing the relationship very difficult. We may be heading for splitsville :( Any suggestions would be welcome, seeing an industrial psychologist later this month!
married i-bankers (Originally Posted: 02/06/2007)
Those of you who are in i-banking and are newly married how do you deal with the hours and your relationship..esp ifyour spouse isnt in this field..
This has already been discussed ad nausaeum. Equal parts communication, patience, and understanding on both sides.
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