My gf of 5 years broke up with me after I got a PE offer. I have been laser focused on my career over the past few months and have taken her for granted. Talking to a few friends, there seems to be a surprisingly high rate of breakups right after people go through PE recruiting.
In retrospect, this makes sense. PE recruiting is incredibly stressful, and likely brings out the worst in you. You are incredibly stressed out with work, references, talking with headhunters, getting interviews it consumes your life and mind. In addition to the obvious lack of time to spend with your significant other, I think the bigger issue is that you don't have the thoughtfulness/energy to put into the relationship. Your sees the worst side of you and is neglected at the same time, so I am not surprised it is a pressing time for relationships. Thoughts?
To use the corny words: If she can't handle you at your worst (during PE recruiting) then she does not deserve you at your best (when PE is helping you rake in the dough).
Only girls and gays use that.
and he's def not a girl
In her defense, she was incredibly supportive throughout the process and in the first few months of banking. Probably been thinking about the break up for a while and held off until I got an offer. Friendly break up, but it's frustrating that she wouldn't give it another chance, especially now that things will be fundamentally different (check out of banking, easier PE hours)
5 years....she was probably wanting you to put a ring on it.
If you'd been married for a decade and had kids, I'd tell you to rethink your priorities but I can tell you the biggest mistake I ever made in my 20's was to put a relationship before career. Sucks but hey, you only get one shot at this and you worked REALLY hard to turn back now. You can make up with wifey later or find another one.
Shit sorry to hear that. I dont understand women who can't think on the bright side that what we do at the end of the day (if we become successful) benefits them in the long run. Did you tell her ahead of time that you would be busy during PE recruiting and explain to her?
I told her that recruiting would be rough for me and she always told me everything would be fine and was supportive, but obviously if for a few months of your PE search (took me about 8+ months of preparation and interviewing), it takes a toll on your relationship. We saw each other, but I would always be doing work/studying/e-mailing when I was with her. She just doesn't think that was the problem and that the real problem was long term incompatibility.
I'm going through the same thing as I attempt to make the sellside-buyside transition. Between case studies, interview prep, and managing my normal job, I have basically no time. And if I do ever find myself with a few free hours, I just want to be alone.
My girlfriend has been fantastically understanding, but I feel bad for her. If she was acting in her own best interests, she should have ended it months ago, but has instead stuck with me. I'm getting near the end of the process (hopefully), but even now I just need a few weeks to decompress. I don't want to think about going out or doing anything for a while.
Her problem was most likely that you are putting work significantly in front of her, which is not surprising given that you're in banking. Maybe she saw this as a continuing trend?
"especially now that things will be fundamentally different (check out of banking, easier PE hours)"
The problem is that it's near impossible to fully check out. Life will be better, yes, and it will (probably) be even better once you get to your PE firm, but don't for a second think that anyone in this competitive of an industry doesn't work hard. It'll be better, yes, but you'll still be tied to your phone, you'll still be on call 24/7. In any case, congrats, and good luck, man.
I've seen this happen to one of my close friends. Really was a surprise. Girls can be pretty shortsighted about careers sometimes...
Hang on tight to her! My gf said everything was okay and was supportive during the recruiting process too, but things still fell apart. The worst part is that now that I finally have my career figured out I have time to devote to someone, I'm alone
Yes, but the hours at my shop at much more bearable (leaving at 8-9 every day if I'm not in the final stages of a deal), and I think I can somewhat check out of banking. I spent so much time prepping that I got much more efficient at my banking job, and all that prep time can now be relationship time, so I think there is real impetus for personal change, at least in the next 4 years.
How hard is it to start a new relationship when you are working lighter banking hours (I can realistically pull of 9:30 to 10/11 and just a few hours on Sunday on average)?
Whoa, 8 months? That's most of a year, especially when you consider the limited availability the rest of the time. Honestly, if you put your job on hold for 8 months because you had serious relationship stuff....you'd be fired. You're lucky you made it that far. I'm deliberately being harsh on this because I think a lot of dudes in finance need to reset their expectations.
People starting a career really shouldn't bother with serious relationships if they can be avoided. Just my personal opinion. Again, it sucks and I wish it had worked out differently for you, but realistically this isn't a family friendly business and people that will stick out a relationship...especially the early stages...are the exception and definitely not the rule.
Looks like she didn't like the fact you were putting work in front of her. But if work is your priority, then your priorities clearly don't align. So I would say, move on dude.
But the thing is, I finally will have time/energy to focus on a relationship. I honestly think I can make things work but she clearly doesn't see things that way
Maybe just see if you can pick up where you left off. Seriously. Give it a day or two, be calm, and then just see what happens.
If the primary issue was time, then there is plenty of room to give it another go
Tried to work things out with her two days after the breakup but she was firm that she doesn't think we are compatible in the long run. I still think it was the whole career focus/tunnel vision. I'm trying to give her some time, don't know how/when I should fight for her again
get her prego?
Get out there and start dating again. It's a win win situation
If she doesn't come back to you, you've already started lining up a replacement.
Girls like guys that other girls like. If she has any feelings, having other women around will force her to act.
You can only win. This is basic psychology. Get out there tiger, you gots to gets you some action.
Yes, but if my ex thinks that we are not a good fit in the long run, why would she care if I'm seeing another girl or not. But you make a good point, I should just move on even though I am still open to getting back to her if she ever comes around to it
This cannot be serious.
I guess my point is if she knows we can't be together in the long run, it may hurt for her to see me move on, but ultimately she wouldn't really care
She does, but she's not going to say so explicitly. However it's more likely she says well do whatever you want because I don't mind. It's all lies. Same as: what happens? NOTHING!! We know there's something. Or shortly: pride/ego.
Be aware of the side effects of seeing another girl. Your gf may have been shaky in her beliefs, but once she sees that you have moved on so quickly she would think "my bf of 5 yrs is already seeing other ppl, he didn't feel any form of regret/loss at all as it seems". She would use this as an excuse to confirm that her decision was right.
That's just imho, but what do I know.
you guys make a very good point, I'm not going to flaunt the fact that I am going after other girls, but on fb, I have become friends with a few girls again. I don't know if it is worth the effort/opening myself up to more pain to give it another shot, even though the ball is completely in her court now.
Wait, is this a thread complaining about getting dumped? You just got a PE offer and are newly single. The only thing that sucked is this took 5 years. Prepare to slay and enjoy your life.
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