Tear cover letter for trading apart?
Hello, here is my cover letter with which I want to apply to a Trading Graduate Programme position at a European bank in London. I am happy for any hints/tips on wording/grammar to content to "scrap it because ...". Thank you very much in advance :)
Dear Sir or Madam,
That’s why I look forward to further discussing my qualifications with you. Should you require any additional information please feel free to contact me at XXX_mobile or XXX_email. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, XXX
*edited
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Just being a bit pernickety, its 'prize' not 'price'. Though they might put price tags on some theses.
I think the letter is fine, it shows you are interested in trading and that you've tried a bit before yourself. I'm guessing any technical know-how is covered in your resume/CV. If not, I'd suggest dropping a few technical terms to show that what you've learnt is actually useful.
"That's why" is too informal. Simply leaving this sentence out (so you start "Should...") is enough. Don't use abbreviations in a formal letter ('This is why' might do it)
"how quickly one can gain and, if not cautious, lose money"
etc.
Can I ask what kind of mathematics your PhD was/is in?
Thx very much for the feedback which I did incorporate. My PhD is in pure mathematics, number theory, no applications ;)
"Dear Sir or Madam" risks being immediately dumped in the trash. Find out who is in charge of admissions/hiring and address the letter directly to him or her. Also, you might want to find someone who is a fluent English speaker and is familiar with the appropriate idioms in the UK to assist you with future drafts. From an American perspective, in addition to some grammatical errors, parts of the letter read awkwardly- especially for a business letter.
Thx for the feedback rls!
Thread is closed since I updated/changed the cover letter by now based on your suggestions.
*edited
Dear Sir or Madam,
Having just completed my PhD studies in Mathematics at Munich University in Germany, I am now applying for your Graduate Programme XXX_Trading in London. [ADD COMPANY SPECIFIC INTEREST - just a sentence or two of why their programme vs. elsewhere]
When I initially started to invest money in the stock market, all of my decisions about the attractiveness of different assets came from performing fundamental analysis. I started before the burst of the dot-com bubble, and quickly learned how fast a person can make money and how much faster you can lose more of it if not careful. I later performed extensive research regarding technical analysis, [WHAT DID YOU LEARN? - "didn't make me a millionaire" is extremely informal]. Ultimately, I came to value the attractiveness of bond pricing arbitrage opportunities, through my experiences working at an asset management boutique. During my most recent internship I was able to improve Company X's risk management and solved operational problems by programming various tools in C++ as well as Excel/VBA. The high references I received for my work there as well as for my internship at a management consultancy indicate that I can successfully use and communicate my analytical skills in a team setting. As for my academic studies, I have received a prize for the best Master's and PhD theses in my class.
I am confident that your Graduate Programme provides an attractive professional introduction into trading; something that I have been eager to learn about in a more formal setting for a number of years. [Regarding my long-term goal of becoming a fund manager, I am certain that XXX as a large European player does provide challenging opportunities to use and expand my skills. - I would consider removing this they don't want to hear how youre going to start running the company when you don't even have an interview with them yet]
I look forward to further discussing my qualifications with you. Should you require any additional information please feel free to contact me at XXX_mobile or XXX_email. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, XXX
Just my thoughts - take w/ a grain of salt
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