How do you stop being butthurt and emotional in this business?

How old are you? I'm a late-20's dude and it's my boss who needs to come correct.

I wouldn't say thinking of it as money at the end of the day is the right way to go about it.

You gotta understand that anyone and everyone makes mistakes. In any case, your solution to remedying the mistake is more important than the mistake it self. If you properly handle every mistake you make, you'll see that your boss's reaction to future problems will also change.

If you constantly find yourself making mistakes that you can't fix, then something's wrong in your process and you need to reflect on that.

Just putting it off as "money" at the end of the day isn't a positive attitude to go about it and won't help you progress.

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You should have done what theaccountingmajor and I did - chosen a less respected major and settled for a life of mediocrity.

Crying? Really? Jesus Christ.

Are you female or male?

Become calloused. This isn't sarcasm, this is my real opinion.

Develop a complex. Everyone else is an idiot and they don't have strong self-control, allowing themselves to blurt out nasty responses when things don't go their way. You gotta rationalize a bit.

you are currently immature....how do you fix that? grow up.

"screwing up" ?? "coming in late" ??

you deserve to get fired. you are lucky the worst that happens is to get yelled at.

if you think otherwise...then yes, you are very immature.

how do you fix? stop screwing up...stop coming in late. if you can't manage those 2 things, then you really don't deserve the job in the 1st place.

If you are actually screwing up and/or showing up late, then yes, you should be taking it personally as in your productivity and your attendance are drawing negative attention to you.

We all have bad days where we might be more strained, stressed, sleep-deprived, pissed about something not remotely work-related, and sure, it can be upsetting if someone who is having their own bad day somehow lashes out at us... but that's a case where you did nothing wrong, you were simply collateral damage and whoever was nearby was going to get hit with that person's personal shit-gun.

Otherwise, if it's your direct behavior that's ticking off your higher-ups, then the onus is on you to improve said behavior and there'll be no reason for you to get yelled at.

And it shouldn't come down to "it's all about the Benjamins"... it should come down to doing the job well and not standing out for negative issues/being a time-suck/etc.

Look, it’s unprofesssional to cry, ever. It’s actually unprofessional to display emotions other than regret/frustration (related to business issues affecting the whole firm) or contentness/happiness (business + personal life).

That’s the rule. I’m not telling you this is healthy or ideal, but such is life in high finance.

That said, your core issue seems (likely) to be that you feel personally attacked when corrected. This is normal - most people who self-select into IB are very self-centered and have an inflated sense of self-worth. The thing that helped me (may not help you tho!) is to realize that people (who are VPs or older) in high finance, spend much of their day coaching CEO/CFOs , so this is effectively free life coaching (which your non-banking/consulting peers will pay out the ass for later in life)..The intracies of a model don’t matter - engaging with clients/senior management in a thoughtful way is literally the whole game.

TLDR: If they’re off base, ignore them. If they’re right and you’re butthurt, recognize that this is literally all the valuable development you signed up for.

You need to detach your emotions from what they're saying. Also if you get punched in the head often enough you just get numb to it.

You have to detach emotions from your decisions anyway. Make calculated long term oriented decisions. By this I mean that you have to consider your alternatives, what is the best for your career. If you can move easily elsewhere, and your workplace is abusive, then consider it. If you are getting monetary or career value, then suck it up. Improve your ability and behavior, and do your best. Save up f u money.

There were jobs I quit when I got pissed, and regret it. And there was definitely a job recently where I should have told the boss to step back and literally fuck his own face (shout out to Tropic Thunder).

Did you have my old boss? Haha. I had a superior who used to publicly yell at me on a dead-ass quiet floor for everyone to hear and it fucking sucks. Sometimes it's just a reflection that my boss was in a bad mood and took it out on me despite it being out of my control. This is straight up TOXIC behavior. A boss with bad EQ can screw you up as a person and your career if you're not careful.

Psychologically, "manning up" is why kids have died in this industry without looking for help. Others internalize the hurt and become assholes themselves, thus completing the Wall Street culture cycle.

People can't help how they feel when something external is put upon them. We're fucking HUMANS, remember? Unfortunately the answer to your problem isn't easy. Sometimes your boss could be right to yell, sometimes most definitely not. The key is to make positive/constructive conclusions about your attitude with it and sticking by it whenever the negative thoughts/emotions come back. It's not the immediate negative feeling that is damaging but the haunting of it: the re-emergence of those negative feelings whenever you think back to that moment or look at your boss

When I was an intern, I worked alongside the senior manager. I was the only one who did everything for him (tiny company). He was the typical micro manager who complained about every little thing. I mean, literally every bloody thing can set him off. I shed tear in front of him once, only because i was disappointed in myself and that I literally felt like the worst employee in the world. I learned from it and I dont sweat those things anymore.

You just need to make sure you learn from your mistakes, know your boss and what set them off, if it's you or if they are just stressed, after a while, you are affected by it less and less. If your boss is geniunely making your life miserable tho, consider quitting.

Its okay to feel sad. You have to accept your feelings first. If you keep running away from them they will come back stronger. Try developing some new coping mechanisms - download the app Headspace and do meditation for 10 minutes every day - it can do wonders. Try writing your feelings out in a journal or going to the gym like others have suggested. I am sending you a flying hug. You are a brave, strong person and you will get through this.

I don't know your boss - but maybe he or she gets pleasure out of making you feel bad. He or she knows you will react this way - so the best revenge is to not give them that pleasure and not react. Soon maybe it will be less fun for them and they will stop.

Also be careful who you share your feelings with - many people can be draining and unsupportive. (You can see that by some of the mean comments on this thread.) You have to learn to keep such things to a small close group of friends and family. Perhaps reach out to your old friends or your parents.

My ex MD was an insane, sadistic bitch (I can say this because I'm a woman). She'd yell at people for no apparent reason, give them crazy instructions just to see them fail, explode if she'd ever get corrected, and in a meeting she'd isolate and belittle any random team member whenever some nasty comment would fly into her crazy head. I felt like shit in my first couple of months there, but kept a low profile, trying to be as unseen as possible after watching my colleagues getting double whammy of abuse after she'd catch them crying in the corner. After a while my quietness turned to anger, and I'd explode at her in return, but that too didn't make things better. Fast forward, moral of the story, I learned to see the big picture, see that this woman was clearly sick from something beyond my perception, and totally irrelevant for my "life" in the long run. Unless knifing me in a dark alley one day lol, she was pretty insignificant. Every time I heard her yell I'd count all the things I had beyond her, like what I had to look forward to when I'd leave the office, etc. And that's the attitude I've maintained alongside my bosses ever since the experience. I highly recommend it.

Massive amounts of Juuling and Tinder to assuage any butthurt

I always just reply "Sounds good!" even if it doesn't sound good

What I've found to be successful (from my perspective), is having a direct conversation with your PM/MD.

I've definitely been on the receiving end of sternness/irritation, but I'm always sure to be as direct as possible and address it early. For example, a couple months back, I felt a shift in my PM's attitude towards me (seemingly more stern/irritated with me), and I set up 20 minutes in the day to catch up with him. I straight up asked him "Have I done something to piss you off recently? Because I feel like lately you've been irritated with me and I'm trying to figure out what I do to change that dynamic".

My PM had an immediate change in his demeanor, and since then, it's been all good.

Crying/feeling irritated does nothing to help your situation except prolong a cycle of negativity. Generally speaking, both the sell-side and buy-side require a level of mental fortitude. Always be direct when possible, and if your situation doesn't change, leave. To me, money doesn't justify a shitty work experience. Find a place that's more conducive to your mental health (something that is very overlooked in our industry).

Worked under a crazy MD (as many people have). It's been recommended by others, but to reiterate, ignore and pretend like everything is dandy. In my experience, the person will begin to respect your ability to control emotions and focus on the task at hand. Not to mention, if you're being publicly berated and just act chill then your peers will notice, undoubtedly making the dick MD look like an idiot / psycho. It's not an easy skill to develop, but will be useful for your entire career.

Define, "stern voice." If it's literally just that, toughen up. I don't think you'd do well in the military, lol. That all said, some leaders are just toxic and best avoided. But in your case, I think toughen up is the right answer.

Didn't cry, but I can relate to the OP, just thinking of when I started my first job in IB. It could also be that you have insecurity issues whether you realize it or not. You think that their yelling at you is reflective of their perception of you, a worthless piece of shit. But then you subconsciously accept it, feel vulnerable and start thinking that you are failing in life, career or whatever is important to your self-esteem, hence the need to cry. Don't give in to their bullying. At the end of the day, this is just another job and you will still be fine after all, even if you get fired. You are not worthless, and once you leave your job, your boss is just another random old man on the street. Now, if you consistently arrive late or repeat the same mistakes, go fucking fix that.

Short answer: no. Because I work in the back office. I make 130/year and work 40 hours/week. We all go home at 5pm. Theres nothing to complain about. Stop being a bitch.

Don't take anything personally at work, ever. Evaluate every decision based on what can further your chances of promotion/raise/responsibility. Usually this means stroking an asshole's ego and agreeing with their rant.

Everyone is having waaay too much Stockholm syndrome here. OP needs to get out from under this godawful system. OP needs to make it to the buyside.

If you can demonstrate you can originate, build, and successfully release a Sharpe 2 alpha, because you think differently than everyone on the sellside, people on the buyside will stop telling you how to do your job and let you just sorta do your thing. I suspect it's the same way for traditional researchers on some level, although the attribution is a little nuttier. In the quant space, we will ask you smart questions that are fair. (IE what's the t-stat, etc, etc)

News flash to sellside folks: when we meet with sellside quant researchers, we don't give a shit if there's a typo in the presentation book. We really don't. There are typos in our presentations. Be nice to yourselves and, yes, try to catch errors, but don't kill yourself. Fear, insecurity, and dumb bosses are the enemies of good ideas.

What we care about is if your results are reproducible, how high-quality your idea is, and whether your idea can make money ex-post. But mostly, how high-quality your idea is.

From our perspective, in systematic strategies, it's better to show up to a hedge fund with your shirt on backwards, a dead bird in your hair, a horribly misspelled presentation, and a really high quality idea that we can trade on than it is to show up with a highly polished presentation about how momentum factors in Barra have done over the past twelve months.

You know obviously we respect the sales guy-- we need good execution and a high quality sales guy can kinda act as our broker's COO on that front. And he is going to feel embarrassed if you're not polished. But we go to these meetings for the researcher, and really, to get their ideas-- we personally care a lot more about the idea than a perfect presentation. And for the guy from Quant Research, it's OK to be a James Altucher. The guys sitting on the other side of the table are James Altuchers. Just, come with some high quality ideas.

Have you considered like I don't know not fucking up all the time? I don't think being abusive is a good management style but seriously. Being late? You're an adult. Fucking figure out how to get to work on time.

Edit: IP's right I'm being too harsh. If you deal with people screaming and yelling at you over trivial pointless shit just remember that they're the ones with the problem, not you. If they treat you this way chances are they treat everyone this way. Always remember that everyone reaps what they sow eventually. Karma's a bitch.

This OP is probably trolling. Who goes on a message board full of republican ass holes and asks how to stop crying at work?

Stop complaining, keep crying or quit. If you can't handle someone speaking in a stern voice you probably don't belong in the industry. What are you going to do when it's a client that raises their voice, because it does happen. Cry then, you'll probably get fired.

Don't fuck up and there won't be anything to cry about. If you can't take the heat they'll find a chef who can.

This really affected me when I first started. A 2nd year gave told me that eventually you develop a professional apathy, and he couldn’t be more right. You realize they yell at you and 2 seconds later they don’t remember it, they don’t care. Eventually, you will realize this and not care either.

Apologize for the issue and take ownership. If given the opportunity to explain why you were late do so in a respectful manner. If it was a technical mistake take note as too what you did wrong. Then move on with your day.

WTF I see a lot of just suck it up bro comments here. The real answer is to GTFO and move to another job. Toxic managers will make your life hell and it's not worth it working for them.

I think smart people know not to yell at juniors or fuck with people because no man is an island and if you act like an asshole people FUCKING REMEMBER that shit and word gets around fast. Piss people off enough and they'll hold a life-long grudge and you'll never get their business. The business world can be really small and all it takes is one bad review to sway someone. Also, if you ever feel an MD has truly crossed the line with unacceptable behavior and you figure there's no point in cultivating that relationship, after you've left the firm, don't hesitate to send an email to the company CEO. Emails like that gets read and even if you don't see immediate consequences it does get "filed away" for a rainy day. Your MDs are not invulnerable, they are employees who work for other employees.

I've only heard stories of MDs freaking out and yelling at people because most MDs know that kind of behavior hurts their career. I've never seen an MD or VP make someone cry and if they did they'd be marked with a big target on their back. You may not see it but management investors don't like unstable twats who freak the fuck out. They want cool, collected unemotional leaders at the end of the day.

When I was younger I used to internalize all the negative comments I got and it made me feel like crap. Honestly, no one has the right to disrespect you. No one should be put on top of a pedestal no matter how successful they are. I've had people dislike me for whatever reason and there was literally nothing I could do to appease them. It's fool's errand to try to convince someone to like you. Maybe you can take some mindfulness classes or something but it's just something I got more comfortable with over time.

For now just wear a shit eating grin on your face until you can GTFO.