Can u check my cover letter?

This is the main text and I just ask you to go through the text. I am not a native speaker.

I want to apply for an internship in UK and Switzerland....

Thanks!!!!

Dear Mrs. ABC

With reference to your job advertisement in your homepage and our pleasant phone conversation I wish to apply for an Internship in the M&A department at Credit Suisse. Given my background in several relevant finance courses during my studies and my practical experience I gained during my internships I am a particularly good fit for the Internship position at your firm.

I gained my first experience in M&A during my internship at ABC BANK which inspired my enthusiasm for banking, as well as granted me experience in applying my theoretical knowledge I gained at University into practical tasks. I worked in the financial institutions team where I was responsible for preparing financial analyses and valuations, draft presentations and doing research.

Furthermore, I gained deeper knowledge in company valuation and in using different databases for research by doing an internship at BCD BANK. I gained solid analytical and problem solving skills there. I was responsible for identifying and resolving financial reporting issues, as well as generating innovative methods to improve our research processes. I also fine-tuned my communication and consensus building skills, as I often needed to present and market my work to our team.

Currently, I am doing my Master in Economics where I am following additionally finance courses to provide a deeper understanding in corporate finance.
I am excited by the strong potential fit I see with Credit Suisse. I feel that the analytical, leadership and teamwork abilities gained through my employment and academic track have provided me with the tools and skills necessary to perform well in a banking career, and will allow me to make a significant contribution at your firm.

A copy of my resume is enclosed for your reference. I would welcome an opportunity to discuss my qualifications with you and learn more about Credit Suisse at your earliest convenience.

Thank you for your time and consideration and I am looking forward hearing from you.

Yours Sincerely,

Roger Rogerson

Enclosure: Resume

 

It's a little too wordy for a US cover letter. If this were a US position, I'd advise that 1-2 paragraphs, total of 5-8 sentences would be fine. You need to state what you're applying for, why you're interested in the job, and what you bring to the table. That's it. This is a short business memo that gets straight to the point for a lady who has to process hundreds- maybe thousands of resumes, not an essay.

The UK may be a little more formal and wordier. Would be good to get some insight from folks on the other side of the pond.

 
Ray Finkle:
I gained during my internships I am a particularly good fit for the Internship position at your firm.

lol

Thanks, you're hired!

it is maybe a bit pathetic....but do u think it is bad to write something like that??? Its just an internship I know, but if you think some phrases are exegarated.....

 
Best Response

Hastily-written New York "cover letter":

Ms ABC,

I just wanted to follow up on our phone call and send you a copy of my resume (see attached). I'm mostly interested in M&A at Credit Suisse- particularly in either Zurich or London. I feel my previous background working in mergers at BANK ABC could make me a good fit in CS's M&A group.

Please let me know if there's anything else I need to do to begin the application process. Thanks for your help so far, and I hope I can have the opportunity to work for your firm this summer.

Sincerely,

Roger Rogerson

DONE. Simple, to the point. Probably needs more work and maybe a little informal for European standards, but it's an improvement and doesn't lend itself to skimming.

 

IlliniProgrammer:
Hastily-written New York "cover letter":

Ms ABC,

I just wanted to follow up on our phone call and send you a copy of my resume (see attached). I'm mostly interested in M&A at Credit Suisse- particularly in either Zurich or London. I feel my previous background working in mergers at BANK ABC could make me a good fit in CS's M&A group.

Please let me know if there's anything else I need to do to begin the application process. Thanks for your help so far, and I hope I can have the opportunity to work for your firm this summer.

Sincerely,

Roger Rogerson

DONE. Simple, to the point. Probably needs more work and maybe a little informal for European standards, but it's an improvement and doesn't lend itself to skimming.

If I had any more SBs I would give +1 to you.

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