Can't even get responses on cold emails
(Senior Baboon, 192
Points)
on 3/11/11 at 5:41pm
Is there something wrong with what I wrote?
Hello Mr. X,
My name is ________ and I am currently a student at _____ University with graduation in July. I came across your profile and I am particularly interested in learning more about Equity Research covering XXX as it relates to my background. I have previous work experience in ________________ where I provided _____________ to commercial clients. I also have previous internship experiences at _____________ as well as a company called __________ that does X. Can I set up a time with you for a brief phone conversation to learn more about your background and if there are any opportunities at your firm?
Thanks,
Eric
Information overload. Make it
Information overload. Make it simpler and shorter.
-MBP
It doesn't read well either.
It doesn't read well either.
Oreos wrote: It doesn't read
It doesn't read well either.
so how would you fix it?
runthetown wrote: Oreos
It doesn't read well either.
so how would you fix it?
I'm not here to write your cold-emails for you. My comment was merely some food for thought....
It doesn't read well but
It doesn't read well but honestly it's better than 95% of the crap that is posted on here.
Oreos wrote: runthetown
It doesn't read well either.
so how would you fix it?
I'm not here to write your cold-emails for you. My comment was merely some food for thought....
taking 2 mins for a couple bullet points would be nice and helpful, otherwise your reply is useless.
Lol, served. Dude, youre
Lol, served. Dude, youre asking a guy for an informational interview, youre not giving him your resume. Im interested in your company/industry and was hoping youd be willing to meet over coffee to chat. Not quite that simple, but close enough
"WSO is like the 300 for anti spamage. None shall pass." -happypantsmcgee
"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
Go with this: Hello Mr. X, My
Go with this:
Hello Mr. X,
My name is ________ and I am currently a [junior] at _____ University. I came across your profile and I am particularly interested in learning more about Equity Research covering XXX. I have previously worked for [Firm A] and [Firm B] and love [Finance/the industry you want to cover]. Would you be free to briefly discuss your firm and your background over the phone? I am very interested in [the industry you want to cover], and would greatly appreciate any insight you can offer.
Thanks,
Eric
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it's not that bad, break it
it's not that bad, break it down into two paragraphs instead of a single long one. honestly cold emails are a numbers game, keep going at it. i dont think its your email quality holding you back
09grad wrote: it's not that
it's not that bad, break it down into two paragraphs instead of a single long one. honestly cold emails are a numbers game, keep going at it. i dont think its your email quality holding you back
It's actually a short paragraph, looks longer because the threads are narrower than an email window (it looks short when I copy paste it into my email program).
I think the original email didn't flow very well, I just put that together in 2 seconds so OP can feel free to change; I tried to make it less verbose and more direct and remove the part about him asking about working there. Agree it's mostly a numbers game, but email quality still matters.
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Honestly, I have an EXTREMELY
Honestly, I have an EXTREMELY high response rate to cold e-mails, but the reason why I do is because I NEVER EVER send out a form letter--and it's incredibly obvious to the recipient. I literally start from scratch before each cold e-mail. I do research, I relate something to another thing. Here are a few examples (please don't PM me about this topic--it's not an interesting topic to me and last time I posted on this I got inundated with PMs. I won't respond. It's nothing personal). Note that being extremely brief is not necessarily the most successful method--being INTERESTING, relevant, and HUMAN are the most important things.
Successful example 1:
[Addressee's first name], my name is [Name]. My father graduated from the University of [state] in the late 1950s, so your alma mater sparked my interest initially (for my entire childhood I remember [state] football glasses with schedules from 1983 listed on them in the kitchen cabinets). Recently I spent 14 months in underwriting at [company name] in [company city] before spending a year-and-a-half in asset management at [company name] in [company city]. I just moved home to [city] a week ago to be closer to my family. Since I'm fairly skilled in commercial real estate, I thought I'd reach out to you to see if your group had any kind of personnel need.
I'm skilled in financial modeling, market analysis, underwriting and valuation (I have 1,243 hours logged toward the MAI designation), and I have solid general knowledge of CRE legal documentation. In addition, I can supply to you a long list of excellent industry references about my work ethic and character. I know you're a busy man, so I sincerely appreciate your valuable time and any feedback you can give me. Thanks a lot.
[My name]
Successful example 2:
[Addressee's first name],
Since I’ve decided to move home to [city] from [city], I’ve been researching some companies and found yours intriguing. While your firm doesn’t seem to be a “traditional” investment bank, it’s the type of financial institution with services that I’ve thought always made sense—investment banking and related services for smaller firms.
I know it’s a long-shot, but if there were the availability or need, I’d be potentially interested in joining your team. I know you’d be looking for people with expertise in certain fields as well as those with entrepreneurial experience. As a commercial real estate expert, I also own a Virginia LLC that develops infill real estate in the [city] suburbs. In addition, I’ve been recently named Director of Business Development by [company], an 18-month-old luxury homebuilder founded by a former Toll Brothers Vice President (both of these are easily done in my spare time as hobbies).
In brief, I graduated from [university] with a B.S. in finance in 2007. I’ve worked at [company name] in underwriting and I currently work at [company name] in asset management in [city] (until I move back to [city]).
Again, I know it’s a long shot and I don’t think I’m quite experienced enough yet to fill the available Managing Director role posted, but if you think I could be a useful asset to your team, I’d love to speak with you.
Thank you for your time, [addressee's first name].
[My name]
Successful example 3:
[Addressee's first name],
With my knowledge of [related company's name] and the partnership between it and [addressee's company], I was doing some research and found that you joined up with [addressee's company name] this summer. What piqued my interest was the fact that you're heading a new [addressee's company name] production office in [city].
I was formerly with [company name] in underwriting and am currently with [company name] in asset management in [city]. However, I’m seeking to return home to [city] (where my family and sweetheart are). I thought since I’m looking to move back to [city] and since your fledgling office is likely looking to expand, I thought I’d offer my services to your production team in [city].
To keep things brief, I’m an extraordinarily hard worker—I’m willing to work nights and weekends. I have no ego about my job—for a good boss and a good group, I’m willing to do anything from wining and dining borrowers to vacuuming the office floor. I think I’d be a strong asset to your team—I have youth and vigor, I know multifamily finance well and I’m a straight-up hard worker.
I’d love to speak with you about joining up as a production analyst or something of the sort. If there’s any kind of interest, I’d be happy to speak with you about it and/or send you my resume.
Thanks for your time.
[My name]