Girl Help
Hey guys, I never really had to deal with girl situations before because I am usually just too scared to even go for girls lol. Well now, I have an attractive girl who is out of my league who is into me. Anyways, I am just SUPER afraid of rejection in every aspect in my life. I also sort of have low confidence with girls because I always think why me when they can go for someone who is more attractive and such.
I am 20 years old never been on a date or anything. I am not bad looking, I have lots of friends, and have a good social life in college. How much of a turn off would it be for someone who has 0 dating experience or anything? And how should I approach someone who I know is into me?
Dude, man up. This is exactly the reason you've never had a date. You may be a nice guy, but you'll never get the girls you want unless you're confident.
"out of your league"
judging by this thread we can file that one under modest claims
take a couple deep breaths and stop being a pussy.
Tell her you're going to intern at a BB's IBD and that you'll make bokoo bucks after you graduate.
tell her you might work at the Goldman Sachs one day
You could get tinder and mess around on that.
Or you could just talk to this girl and tell her to meet up for coffee.
.
give me her number and i'll ask her out. Now you've had the gut reaction from watching someone else take your girl. Risk ruining the happy pipe dream in your head and say something. You ARE on a timer, she wont put out interest in you for long. Look her in the eye, practise your lines, say clearly, dont mumble, dont eat your words, but they must be yours, they must be genuine and they must be to the point. If she hesitates, force an answer, yes or no.
Thank me later.
I never speak out for myself and don't know how to stand up for myself. The girl is a friend of my larger friend group so I see her a decent amount on weekends. Maybe should just wait till I have a little alcohol lol.
Ya you gotta sack up man. Like others have said, the worst that happens is she says no. I would rather get the "no" than not asking at all and wondering "what if?". This girl that I am seeing now I thought was out of my league as well. I had to ask her out a few times before she said yes. She said that she liked my persistence so she gave me a shot and it turns out she ended up liking me and we have been out a few times since.
Grow up. The last thing any woman wants is for a guy that has to get drunk in order to talk to her. If she likes you, she's waiting for an excuse to say yes. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you aren't comfortable with the stakes, don't play the game." ? In this instance, that means accepting it might not work out. You could do everything right, and it still not work out.
Assuming you've 'hung out' with her with your group of friends, change the pace to a one on one or something outside of your group of friends. Simple. If she says yes, she's comfortable (and wants to) going out with you alone, if no, well there you go.
For future reference, do not affiliate yourself with Chicago sports, Chicago sports are for men, a privilege if you will. Sullying the great name of my city with your unfounded insecurities is an affront... lol
@"ArcherVice" has some good posts on getting game, but I think it comes down to being confident, being cool, and weighing the odds. more on those below:
confidence. for many this is satisfaction with your physical attributes. so hit the gym, get a haircut, and unless you have a beard like Brian Wilson, shave your face.
being cool. I think this is a couple of things, Archer has much better points than I will because I definitely struggled with this in college (my confidence outweighed my nerdiness). but dress nicely, be social, and be a little apathetic.
weighing the odds. if none of this resonated with you, think about it like a math problem. the worst possible outcome is a "no." now, if you approach the girl like a gentleman and don't stalk her, her saying no is going to be the end of it. very limited negative repercussions. so if you make a spreadsheet with the discounted future pain from one no in the near term, you'll find that it makes almost no sense to NOT ask girls out.
all of this said, I think asking girls out on dates is a bit weird to begin with. when I was single, you didn't ask girls out on dates just randomly. you met them in class, at bars & parties, got their number, hit them up for group functions (fraternity cookouts/rush events/tailgates/day parties), and then after a few weeks took them out. but by that point you already had some sort of relationship with them anyway so the 1-on-1 date was not that hard to get.
Everyone should realize this at as young of an age as possible. Don't be a douchey pick up line artist or the wasted guy drooling all over himself while hitting on girls but you need to throw as much shit against the wall and see what sticks. Most of the crap falls down off the wall but when it sticks, you win. Rejection, by girls or anything (schools, jobs, when you're working and you're rejected in deals or your ideas are shot down by more senior guys in your firm), is slightly painful at first but you get used to it and realize that you're getting nowhere if you don't try.
Just talk to the girl like you would a friend, especially if she's already shown interest in you-that's more than half the battle won already. Don't be afraid. She's no different than you: she still needs to eat, sleep and shit just like you. It's the same when you're interviewing with people who are older than you. Don't be nervous. They're all just people.
Maybe she doesn't like Blackhawks fans?
That being said, the trick to getting any girl is being happy with yourself and not giving a fuck. She should feel like YOU are taking her along for the ride that is your life, not that she's some factor that now makes you successful.
Totally agree with this.
Blackhawk, you've asked for some help, the forum has told you not to fear rejection, and be confident. Your response is to make the excuse, "But I just have zero confidence with girls and interviews". Yes, you're being a pussy.
Practice approaching some girls you aren't attracted to in a neighborhood you don't regularly visit. Stop taking yourself so seriously, the girl will probably be polite either way. And no bank will ever hire you if you talk in an interview like you've talked on this thread. No excuses, no shame, no apologies.
agreed.
OP back to my original idea: seriously, what's so harmful about asking a girl to a group function?
you do have friends, don't you? and you guys don't just sit around and fap to excel I hope...have a party, have a tailgate, do something.
a way to mitigate the suckiness of rejection is by casting a lot of lines. if you're not a fisherman you won't get this but just bear with me. you want to think like a crab or shrimp fisherman, putting tons of nets/lines in the water so that even if you get skunked on one, you still come home with something. this is contrary to a guy who's hunting blue marlin. you may spend hours upon hours and get nothing, absolutely nothing. in financial terms, DIVERSIFY.
so invite girls in your class/girls you've met at the bar/whatever "hey, me and some of my buddies are having a party/tailgate/cookout on Saturday, you should come." and after she says yes, tell her to bring friends. then do that like 10 more times. the likelihood of you completely striking out (unless you ask the question like a total boob) is very small. if they say no, say "aww that's too bad, hope you can make the next one!" so you set the stage for you asking her out again.
OP I can pick up Blackhawks girls faster than you. (Right)
^It'd be funny if that's the chick OP is trying to hook up with LMAO.
That would be hilarious. If that were the case though OP has a little over 24 hours to seal the deal before I do.
By the way, I'm not posting these pics to brag or show off, but to show OP an example of how to text girls. Be direct, state what you want and what the plan is. Have some wit and humor and it'll fall into place.
That was pretty good. I am actually decent with talking to girls on Tinder just for the fun of it, there is an attractive girl who we exchange (non sexual) snap chats with. I sort of feel like I am missing out on life being 20 years old and never been on dates and such and just feel like I am feeling more behind. Makes you feel less of a man then other people.
OP - you post on this thread but aren't giving any updates. Did you talk to her yet or do anything with the advice given? We want some results.
OP pls
Pls respond
Tinder has made it easy for girls to sloot. If you are too much of a pussy to use an app for girls looking to get laid. Well you might be hopeless.
Most of the girls on tinder seem pretty slutty, but they operate on the 80/20 rule...80% of the girls on there go after 20% of the guys. Mostly the tall ones with great abs and biceps.
Sorry have not talked to her yet I'll update you guys when I do and how it goes.
On the other hand last night I was talking to some girl from my school on tinder. Athlete, very attractive,/chill, but she sleeps around a lot. So I do have some other options. We were talking and then she asked if I wanted to hang out so I gave her my # and snap chat.
When did a woman of loose virtue become a bad thing?
OP, go for her. It's a practice round, kinda like training wheels on a bike. Can you fail with training wheels? Yes, but it's pretty damn hard.
Just nervous because I am a super virgin. Can count on one hand for all the girls I even "made out" with.
I've never once, in my life, heard someone refer to themselves as a super virgin hahahaha. By hang out, I'm pretty sure she means, rip her pie. The snapchat thing sounds stupid, don't do that in the future. Also, get her number, don't give out yours. Regardless, have fun with it, sounds like a free throw.
What's wrong with snapchat? I already received a pretty suggestive one from her. Also when is it appropriate to ask for someones number? How do you casually ask for it in a conversation or something?
Not saying anything about you being social or not, but the thing that's obviously outside of your comfort zone is interacting with females. I'd say the same thing to you if public speaking was outside of your comfort zone.
There is nothing you can really do, but be yourself. You will probably be alot more comfortable the more you get to know her.
There is nothing you can really do, but be yourself. You will probably be alot more comfortable the more you get to know her.
You're gonna die one day so might as well just do it.
I like this.
Ever since I started thinking this way, my quality of life has gone up significantly.
OP, that girl and all of WSO wants you to make a move. Just do it man. You'll be happy you did.
Will post pics of this tinder convo - but I may got a date from a pretty cute blonde soccer girl. First time I was ever direct and said maybe we should see each other some time.
Didn't use any pick ups at all. I saw that she was a soccer player and I just talked about college soccer then said she was pretty cute we should meet up some time then she said definitely and she is continuing the conversation.
Why do you keep jumping around... put your smartphone and it's little app games away and take care of the business in the original post.
I miss the days when people just used landlines. And I'm still in school.
get off WSO and go for it
Well, the first thing you're gonna want to do is pull your tampon out. After that, it should all come fairly easy.
All the best, Trent
Hey guys just want to update you
That original girl does not go to my school anymore so that's sort of done
That second girl from tinder I brought her over and wow she was good looking. I was a little awkward and nervous and nothing happened. Sort of been texting on and off and I invited her back over but I think she rejected me as she didn't respond. Though thinking about it, I learned a lot and realized I cannot be a pussy as that's not what girls want.
I realized yes I am God awful with girls which sort of hurts my confidence and I might go on a break again and just focus on applications, keeping my GPA, and track/working out. Just a little down as it seems like my time of "youth" is sort of almost up and I missed out on so much I been realizing.
COME ON. The girl is probably rejecting you because she thinks you rejected her by not hooking up. If you're so bad with girls and upset because you're wasting your youth, its only going to get worse if you don't keep working on it. Like seriously how do you expect to be monetarily successful in life if you don't have the confidence/charm to please a horny chick that you met over a hook-up app.
Well I never really had a girl over so I was a little nervous and was too scared to try anything. It literately makes my stomach feel sick and hard to breathe (just like what happened for my Deloitte Interview) when I was texting her and stuff trying to get the balls for her to come over in the first place.
It's just hard putting into perspective why would a girl want to be with me when my roommates and all my friends are so much better.
Hey man don't give up,and stop bitching.You'll eventually make up for all the "youth" experiences you didn't have.
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