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How to become less socially retarded (serious)?
 

Al Bundy's picture
ER
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:11am
depressed11.jpg

Hi,

So basically, I've realized that I'm not that smart and to get a job, I need to be good enough socially so people may hire me because I'm "fun to work with". This is legitimately, more than grades, something I want to work on my last year and a half or so of college. I've already lost leadership in clubs because I'm an anti-social, depressing piece of shot, so please give me serious answers so I can at least be a fun person even if my GPA and extra curriculars are lacking. I need help particularly starting conversations with everyone and not just being a stock market nerd.

Thanks

Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.
Tags:
TNA's picture

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win

O
(Human, 13,533
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:14am

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-Pe...

http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Rela...

Join toastmasters. Start making friends. Stop talking about your problems and being a downer.

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Gekko21's picture

Drinking a lot and "getting

(Neanderthal, 2,671
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:21am

Drinking a lot and "getting out there".....you would be surprised how social you become when you have more to talk about than the latest episode of CSI.

"Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA."

happypantsmcgee's picture

Buy the book, "Power - Why

O
(Almost Human, 9,621
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:30am

Buy the book, "Power - Why Some Have it and Others Don't" Read the first chapter, throw it away and go to a bar. Walk up to a random chick walking down the sidewalk and ask to buy her a bagel. She'll say no and you'll realize that you aren't dead and that life goes on. It's like anything else dude, just gotta go out and do it.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

oSnap's picture

One thing I picked up from

ST
(Baboon, 107
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:32am

One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

rafiki's picture

Drink, find people to drink

(Orangutan, 317
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:38am

Drink, find people to drink with. Play loud drinking games that get you kicked out of bars when out with just the guys. Karaoke when out with women. Don't be a hater. Talk to everyone, because they are all just as insecure, they can just hide it better.

Anonymous1's picture

oSnap wrote: One thing I

(Baboon, 168
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:39am
oSnap:

One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

Great post.

blastoise's picture

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O
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:54am

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ivoteforthatguy's picture

If you are a happy person

O
(Neanderthal, 2,210
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:53am

If you are a happy person within, it will show. If not, it will show. The world is more clever than we give it credit for. Our true selves ALWAYS emerge in the long run. ALWAYS.

Think and be positive, and everything else will flow.

The next step is practice. You have to get out there and not be afraid of looking the fool. Don't be afraid of rejection or censure or whatever. Stay positive and keep engaging people.

Situation's picture

Anonymous1 wrote: oSnap

IB
(Orangutan, 290
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:57am
Anonymous1:
oSnap:

One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

Great post.

Pretty spot on.

Take your work seriously, but never yourself - so laugh more. Talk to everyone, and exude confidence, which is as simple as good eye contact, the tone of your voice and a smile. Emulate those who are the life of the party.

Get out there and meet as many people as you can. Take initiative and start the conversation. Look for a common interest with whomever you are speaking with - that is what will truly spark the conversation. Idk man, just take a risk and understand that there is nothing to loose.

ivoteforthatguy's picture

Read The Game by Neil

O
(Neanderthal, 2,210
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:01am

Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

TNA's picture

The Game is a must read by

O
(Human, 13,533
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:03am

The Game is a must read by all. I really enjoyed the book also.

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CaptK's picture

3rd vote here for "The Game".

PE
(Neanderthal, 2,344
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:06am

3rd vote here for "The Game". A lot of people think it's just about hitting on girls, but in reality it's about relating to people, make and female. Strauss and the "pickup culture" have done a lot of studying around what makes people enjoy the company of others, how to be the kind of person people want to be around, and how to create that magnetic personality that attracts women and makes guys want to be your friend. It's applicable in bars on the weekend, and then in the office on Monday morning.

- Capt K -
"Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, bait the hook with prestige." - Paul Graham

oSnap's picture

ivoteforthatguy wrote: Read

ST
(Baboon, 107
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:08am
ivoteforthatguy:

Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

I'd be real careful with that, there are some points that translate well to networking and others that should be only used to trick drunk girls into one night stands... negging co-workers or people you're networking with will likely do more harm than good. Demonstrating higher value is good, but intentionally lowering the value of those around you will backfire when you're trying to build long term relationships with people where your end game is to get something from them (a referral).

ivoteforthatguy's picture

oSnap wrote: ivoteforthatguy

O
(Neanderthal, 2,210
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:15am
oSnap:
ivoteforthatguy:

Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

I'd be real careful with that, there are some points that translate well to networking and others that should be only used to trick drunk girls into one night stands... negging co-workers or people you're networking with will likely do more harm than good. Demonstrating higher value is good, but intentionally lowering the value of those around you will backfire when you're trying to build long term relationships with people where your end game is to get something from them (a referral).

Yes, you do have to be careful. Some of the tactics, such as negging, are STRICTLY for sargeing on chicks. Neg a GUY hard enough and he will punch you in the cock. Trying to demonstrate high value to your work group in the Strauss mode will win you their contempt as an unbearable douchenozzle in no time.

Select your tools carefully.

The important thing is the underlying theme: project GENUINE CONFIDENCE in all that you do. That will solve 80% of your social problems. It gets only easier with time.

TNA's picture

I suppose The Game should

O
(Human, 13,533
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:24am

I suppose The Game should only be recommended when someone has common sense. If you neg your boss after reading the book you are not socially retarded, you are plain retarded.

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ivoteforthatguy's picture

Anthony . wrote: If you neg

O
(Neanderthal, 2,210
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:27am
LIBOR's picture

Haha The Game is recommended

EN
(Neanderthal, 2,156
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:33am

looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?

NetsCowboys's picture

The Game was hilarious.

 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:59am
Proboscis's picture

[/quote] Take your work

CO
(King Kong, 1,041
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 4:22am

Proboscis

New Yorker's picture

Do you actually know what

(Gorilla, 704
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 7:32am

Humans are naturally

eyelikecheese (not verified)
(Chimp, 0
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 8:01am
Midas Mulligan Magoo's picture

Jeff, There's a lot of good

 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 8:05am

Where I unload on Twits and take verbal S***s

Al Bundy's picture

Are there any ways to be

ER
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 10:21am

Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.

mehp's picture

red bulls?

 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 10:30am
Old Major's picture

Watch the Yes Man with Jim

(Monkey, 30
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 10:47am
jonnyseed's picture

Jeffrey, First off, it's good

ER
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 11:31am
Conphas's picture

If you have a problem just

 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 1:26pm
monkeysama's picture

PM me and we'll do a mock

O
(King Kong, 1,622
 
Points)
 on 11/15/10 at 2:18pm

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