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Hi,

So basically, I've realized that I'm not that smart and to get a job, I need to be good enough socially so people may hire me because I'm "fun to work with". This is legitimately, more than grades, something I want to work on my last year and a half or so of college. I've already lost leadership in clubs because I'm an anti-social, depressing piece of shot, so please give me serious answers so I can at least be a fun person even if my GPA and extra curriculars are lacking. I need help particularly starting conversations with everyone and not just being a stock market nerd.

Thanks

Comments (28)

  • Gekko21's picture

    Drinking a lot and "getting out there".....you would be surprised how social you become when you have more to talk about than the latest episode of CSI.

    "Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA."

  • happypantsmcgee's picture

    Buy the book, "Power - Why Some Have it and Others Don't" Read the first chapter, throw it away and go to a bar. Walk up to a random chick walking down the sidewalk and ask to buy her a bagel. She'll say no and you'll realize that you aren't dead and that life goes on. It's like anything else dude, just gotta go out and do it.

    If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

  • oSnap's picture

    One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

    Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

    Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

  • rafiki's picture

    Drink, find people to drink with. Play loud drinking games that get you kicked out of bars when out with just the guys. Karaoke when out with women. Don't be a hater. Talk to everyone, because they are all just as insecure, they can just hide it better.

  • In reply to oSnap
    Anonymous1's picture

    oSnap:
    One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

    Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

    Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

    Great post.

  • In reply to oSnap
    blastoise's picture

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  • ivoteforthatguy's picture

    If you are a happy person within, it will show. If not, it will show. The world is more clever than we give it credit for. Our true selves ALWAYS emerge in the long run. ALWAYS.

    Think and be positive, and everything else will flow.

    The next step is practice. You have to get out there and not be afraid of looking the fool. Don't be afraid of rejection or censure or whatever. Stay positive and keep engaging people.

  • In reply to Anonymous1
    Situation's picture

    Anonymous1:
    oSnap:
    One thing I picked up from the working world... no one likes someone who is always talking others down, because the common perception is that if you're openly shit talking co-workers, then there's a chance you'll shit talk THEM behind their back.

    Be a positive person... not to the point of being Kool-Aid drinking retard, but if you spend time talking about good traits of other people then people might feel that you're more inclined to say good things about THEM, and in turn want to improve their relationship with you. Don't go around complimenting random people for no reason, but we had a new guy start a while back and I grabbed a beer with him after work and he was pretty fun, so why not let others know? You don't need to verbally blow the guy to others, all I said was "You know that new guy Brett? I grabbed a beer with him, he's a good shit" and moved on with the conversation.

    Being liked involves being a genuinely good person. Don't put down others to make up for your own insecurities, don't constantly shit on other people's parade. Try to be well read and knowledgeable so your opinions are given serious weight, but unless people ASK for you to weigh in on potentially sensitive issues (politics, religion, view on gay marriage, etc.), stick to discussing facts and leave out the color commentary. Not everyone gives a shit what you think, but they will appreciate you providing information for them to base opinions off of.

    Great post.

    Pretty spot on.

    Take your work seriously, but never yourself - so laugh more. Talk to everyone, and exude confidence, which is as simple as good eye contact, the tone of your voice and a smile. Emulate those who are the life of the party.

    Get out there and meet as many people as you can. Take initiative and start the conversation. Look for a common interest with whomever you are speaking with - that is what will truly spark the conversation. Idk man, just take a risk and understand that there is nothing to loose.

  • ivoteforthatguy's picture

    Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

  • CaptK's picture

    3rd vote here for "The Game". A lot of people think it's just about hitting on girls, but in reality it's about relating to people, make and female. Strauss and the "pickup culture" have done a lot of studying around what makes people enjoy the company of others, how to be the kind of person people want to be around, and how to create that magnetic personality that attracts women and makes guys want to be your friend. It's applicable in bars on the weekend, and then in the office on Monday morning.

    - Capt K -
    "Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, bait the hook with prestige." - Paul Graham

  • In reply to ivoteforthatguy
    oSnap's picture

    ivoteforthatguy:
    Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

    I'd be real careful with that, there are some points that translate well to networking and others that should be only used to trick drunk girls into one night stands... negging co-workers or people you're networking with will likely do more harm than good. Demonstrating higher value is good, but intentionally lowering the value of those around you will backfire when you're trying to build long term relationships with people where your end game is to get something from them (a referral).

  • In reply to oSnap
    ivoteforthatguy's picture

    oSnap:
    ivoteforthatguy:
    Read The Game by Neil Strauss. The principles generalize beyond picking up women.

    I'd be real careful with that, there are some points that translate well to networking and others that should be only used to trick drunk girls into one night stands... negging co-workers or people you're networking with will likely do more harm than good. Demonstrating higher value is good, but intentionally lowering the value of those around you will backfire when you're trying to build long term relationships with people where your end game is to get something from them (a referral).

    Yes, you do have to be careful. Some of the tactics, such as negging, are STRICTLY for sargeing on chicks. Neg a GUY hard enough and he will punch you in the cock. Trying to demonstrate high value to your work group in the Strauss mode will win you their contempt as an unbearable douchenozzle in no time.

    Select your tools carefully.

    The important thing is the underlying theme: project GENUINE CONFIDENCE in all that you do. That will solve 80% of your social problems. It gets only easier with time.

  • TNA's picture

    I suppose The Game should only be recommended when someone has common sense. If you neg your boss after reading the book you are not socially retarded, you are plain retarded.

  • LIBOR's picture

    Haha The Game is recommended about once a month on this site. I (fourth?) the recommendation.

  • NetsCowboys's picture

    The Game was hilarious.

  • In reply to Situation
    Proboscis's picture

    [/quote]

    Take your work seriously, but never yourself - so laugh more.[/quote]

    I like that. +1

    Proboscis

  • New Yorker's picture

    Do you actually know what anti-social means? It doesn't relate to being "outgoing" many anti-social people can be outgoing

  • eyelikecheese's picture

    Humans are naturally anti-social species. We are lone gatherers, something like wolves. That is why the beer/drug companies make money hand over fist, preying on the insecurities and shortcomings of human nature. Thats why every recommends a book, a beer, a miracle pill, or some other social lubricant. Once you realize that everyone else is just as anti-social as you, except they mask it by taking the advice of others(reading a book), or social lubricants(mind-altering substances), then you will will realize how unhappy most peoples realities are.

  • Midas Mulligan Magoo's picture

    Jeff,

    There's a lot of good suggestions in this thread but you essentially need to keep only one thing in mind.

    People like to feel good. This can mean different things for different people. Using girls as an example, some like to be complimented and some like a mean motherfucker to tell them what to do and how to do it. There's no magic formula.

    Get to know people. Don't be pushy. Remember that "fitting in" often means quantity > quality. You won't be able to build strong relationships with everyone and if you try hard you will often get disappointed.

    Set a goal of talking to some number of people this week that you don't know. I would go with 15 that's 2/6 days and 3 on the 7th. It doesn't have to be anything major...stand at a crosswalk and say loudly in the direction of the person next to you "this fucking dont walk sign sucks", they probably won't respond...may roll their eyes...may talk back or may call you an asshole...it doesn't matter.

    What you will realize via repeated interaction with people and this is what those of us with actual game know...is that people have little "tells" and signals that will show you how to proceed...

    Big eyes, gaping mouth...excitement, shock, awe

    Squinting, stiff chin...spite, resentment, anger

    The more you talk to people, the more you will recognize these visual cues. This is what those with high emotional intelligence posses over those with a high intelligence quotient.

    Above all, however, you have to adopt a good attitude. You're a 20ish year old kid who hasn't seen shit in life and you're already convinced that you are somehow lacking because you haven't gotten into IBD (yet).

    Fuck people. Go out. Enjoy. Fuck up royally. Learn from it. That's the only proven path to success and happiness.

    Good luck.

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