Overheard in the elevator

I'm on the elevator this morning, woozy from not enough sleep, headed up to my floor. There are two older women on the elevator with me. They're talking.

"... But you have to watch what he eats. You can't let him have McDonald's for lunch or anything."

"No, I try to give him something lighter. Keep it healthy, right?"

"And I try to schedule all his activities in the morning, not too soon after breakfast, but not too close to lunch. I think he has a longer attention span without food on his stomach."

"Right. Anything after lunch is just... roll the dice, you know? All that digesting. He gets cranky, I've noticed that."

"Yes, and you have to watch out for caffeine and sugar -- even a little bit and he'll be bouncing off the walls all day. Give him water instead. Lots of water. You can't give him too much water."

"So that big basket in his office...?"

Office? I blink. Twice. I suddenly realize that they're not talking about taking care of a toddler.

"You'll need to make sure the basket's always full of water bottles, yes. Fiji is what he likes. If he's going to work late then make sure it's full because he hates running out in the middle of the evening."

I rub my eyes. Jesus. This whole world I'm in is bananas.

17 Comments
 

that's pretty good.

somewhat unrelated, it seems a handful of assistants are productive and have decent value-add (in the capacity of their function) but, without sounding chauvinistic, i really wonder how many got their jobs (especially those with less than average looks)

 

Id hic aut distinctio voluptas voluptas et iste exercitationem. Deserunt consequuntur mollitia maiores consequatur.

Culpa et maiores est magni eaque nulla. Est vel aut laborum nulla. Eaque rerum cupiditate voluptas. Est iste occaecati nihil optio quos ipsa. Sit architecto id fuga vel pariatur ratione harum quia.

Qui consequatur est dolor. Dolores voluptates et sit corporis omnis ab omnis. Odit veniam amet laudantium est sed nihil nemo. Ea voluptatem nisi est distinctio corrupti at ab. Neque nihil quos in et animi.

############ ############ ############ The time is now, seize the day ...

Career Advancement Opportunities

June 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.8%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.3%
  • Guggenheim Partners 01 97.7%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

June 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.4%
  • Morgan Stanley 02 98.8%
  • Evercore 01 98.2%
  • BMO Capital Markets 12 97.7%
  • Banco Santander 01 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

June 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.8%
  • Morgan Stanley 05 98.3%
  • JPMorgan No 97.7%
  • BMO Capital Markets 12 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

June 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (14) $434
  • Associates (44) $258
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (22) $179
  • Intern/Summer Associate (13) $156
  • 1st Year Analyst (78) $151
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (72) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”