Mod Note: Best of Eddie - click here to see the 2013 version.

The Street Before Christmas 2011

by Edmundo Braverman

'Twas the Street before Christmas, Two Thousand Eleven
The year of the protest that stunk to high Heaven
The year that the Eurozone went straight to the Devil
And DSK took room service to a whole other level

The Vampire Squid takes a well deserved back seat
As top billing this year goes to Occupy Wall Street
The hipsters and lowlifes invaded Zuccotti
Without a single thought given to showers or potties

They set up camp to bitch, moan, and vent
And declare what they're owed by the vile One Percent
There's a lot wrong with Wall Street; they did have a point
But you have to do more than play drums and smoke joints

This year oil traders had reason to sing
As crude bounced around for the whole Arab Spring
Revolts through the Mid East saw democracy broaden
And the SEALS finally croaked Osama bin Laden

Short sellers made CEOs lock up their daughters
None moreso than Carson Block's Muddy Waters
Plenty got hurt but I'm thinking the sorest
Had to be John Paulson on that miserable Sino-Forest

This was also the year of the doomed IPO
with offering after offering of Web 2.0
Underwriters smiled and passed the Grey Poupon
But the market was bleak for LinkedIn, Demand, and Groupon

If you're looking for something to warm your cockles
How 'bout the idiots in Congress and the debt ceiling debacle?
The Tea Bagger loonies took us right to the brink
And proved to the market that they wouldn't blink

Many in the U.S. were feeling betrayed
after Standard and Poors issued a downgrade
Apparently investors thought they were liars
as the yields dropped further with plenty of buyers

Speaking of pols who are easily berated
New York's own Tony got himself #Weinergated
There's just no excuse, not even blind drunk
for trolling the web and tweeting your junk

We can't hoist the egg nog and sing Auld Lang Syne
Without doffing the dunce cap to Jonny Corzine
A billion went missing while he was the chef
This guy gives new meaning to the letters MF

It's been a hell of a year, kids; one for the books
Some of the top guys are looking like schnooks
But that's how it works when you play this game
Winner or loser, you're never the same

But play you must and play you will
Take no prisoners and grab that skrill
Play for keeps, play like you're hell bent
I mean, what else is there...

The 99 Percent???

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Comments (17)


Haha great closer. Well done once again, Eddie.



"For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen."


Nice, Happy Santa Day!

Get busy living


encore encore


Brought tears to my eyes ;) Bravo!


Hahah died @ Corzine line, good job

Always be improving


Actually cracked up at my desk. Good show sport

I say fuck change, I don't chase dimes


One of your best! Thanks, and Merry Christmas, Eddie.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"


Merry Xmas! What a boss one this year. Fuck the 99%.


Eddie, you are a gentleman, a scholar, and a class act! Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com


Good job man

2011... that shit cray

In reply to wolfy

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