Below average resume critique

I don't know if this is a troll, but if not...

You need to spin the work at your mom's salon into something more relevant. Go and read some books on consulting and business analysis and incorporate the stuff. You want to make it seem as if you were doing business development type stuff, so put something about marketing strategy, put how you improved sales by X %, say how you did some competitor analysis, that sort of stuff. Do enough reading so that you know them in and out, develop a sales strategy and actually do the comp analysis, your parents don't have to use it - just so you can talk about it in an interview. Needless to say, change the name from 'Mom's hair salon'.

Set yourself up with some money in a trading account and manage a small portfolio, you can then add this to your resume. Put something like "Conducted bottom up fundamental analysis of stocks for a value investment strategy generating X% CAGR.

Once you have done that, start cold calling and try to get a boutique internship in something more relevant. Initially you will probably have to shoot for something unpaid.

You need to get really hungry and prove to people you are useful to the firm (boutique) and will get the job done. And there is only 1-way for you to do that: become the best fucking analyst in the world that can be picked up at a cheap/fair price. You need to be worth 60,70,80K for a years worth of your work. If you network successfully, you could possibly up boutique into an MM firm, but I wouldn't count on that.

I dont think you'll make it into PE or consulting with that kind of CV without getting lucky with networking. The best work experience you could get for now that isn't too far-fetched still gets you somewhere is PWM, non-profit consulting, non-profit financial analyst, a start-up company. Better options would be valuation analyst, business advisory (including litigation).

Another thing i've seen people in a similar position to you do is find some kind of PE/IB/HF/consulting boutique that recently started up or is really small and could use the extra man power. In those situations, the work might be very pointless and clerical so you need to use your judgement to see if they are actually worth your time.

Lastly, you will run into some very sketchy firms out there. I ran into a whole bunch while searching for internships so be careful and don't work for a place that's doing something illegal or operating like blackmore partners in chicago.

There are TONS of boutiques out there. The work isn't sexy at this level so all you want to focus on is learning the necessary skills to add value to a legit PE / consulting firm down the road

Why would you want resume critiques that are below average!? If you're trying to establish yourself, you should try to seek the best resume reviews possible. Rookie mistake bro.

oh and change your resume format.

Lol

Join the army and then go to B school.

Not a troll account, believe it or not. I struggled with depression and social anxiety in college, but no more excuses. I'm going to definitely try to spin my accomplishments under my mom's hair salon, and will try to start from the ground up at a extremely small boutique, as suggested. Thanks for the advice,guys!

Any other advice would be extremely valuable to me.

Thanks! I think I will go ahead and proceed with option 1. I've already sent out about 10 cold emails to various small PWM and consulting firms.

However, should I really get rid of the hair salon stuff? I feel like getting rid of it would make my resume appear even more bare bones.

Oh boy, you sure have a long way to go. Meanwhile, start reading what TNA said... 10 cold emails? You need to cast a massive net man, no joke. If I were you I'd start calling every single boutique I find around the area (at least).

Thanks for being as realistic as possible with me guys. Here's my updated resume:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B67WCsCZZrsiRnA1bFE1d1pWclk

I took you guys' advice and deleted the hair salon stuff. I decided to add some econ related papers I've worked on. Is this a good idea? All of the projects were completed using R and I feel that they shows the employer I'm familiar with statistics, economics, and programming. Should I add a footnote explaining that the code and papers themselves can be made available upon request?

edit: all of the projects were completed for my Analysis of Economic Data class.

Definitely better now. But you really, really need an internship now. I can't emphasize how important it is you start networking hardcore.

lol