I'm sure if you don't live under a rock you read about the "finance guy" that kept an incredibly detailed spreadsheet (attached to this post for logged in users) of his "prospects" on Match.com....and was dumb enough to actually send it out to one of his dates. I know, I know, old news... but why all the hate? clearly he was just doing what he was trained to do since he was a young boy.
First off, before we crush all the haters out there and definitively prove why Match.com and bankers are the perfect match, I have to ask ... Which one of you WSO Monkeys was this?!?! REALLY?! Have we taught you chimps nothing? Never share our secrets again or you will face an onslaught of monkey shit.
Without further ado, here are the 7 reasons why Match.com and bankers are actually the perfect marriage:
7. Match.com claims to have "inspired twice as many marriages as any other site in the world." Bankers claim to have inspired twice as many divorces as any other career in the world. Opposites attract.
6. With over 15 million members, anyone can sign up and join but the 1% can be as selective as they want. Looking for Sloan in that pullover v-neck sweater in salmon colored skinny jeans on her daddy's boat in the Hamptons? No problem.
5. Match.com now offers a 6-month guarantee: if you don't find someone special in 6 months, they will give you 6 months free. Dating bankers makes this guarantee obsolete. How will you know if Jimmy from M&A is that "special someone" if you've only seen him four times in the last 6 months? Should she ask for the refund? No! Now she has 6 more months to figure out the hard truth. Time well spent.
4. Bankers are trained to sell companies so it is an easy transition to sell themselves. Don't think we can hide our girl-like frame with a nicely tailored suit or hire strippers to pose casually with us like they are our friends? You're wrong.
3. With limited time and thousands of women to stalk, it is crucial to make this into a scientific process. Bankers excel at this: spreadsheets, valuations, DCFs, probabilities and a mind that is able to synthesize all of this information quickly and efficiently (tip: high probability of junk-in-the-trunk if all photos are chest and up)
2. Match.com is a goldmine for any value investor or banker that excels at spotting undervalued assets. Yes, that 35 year old MILF just winked at you and she doesn't care you're a 23 year old banker or how you got yourto balance.
1. WWBD. What Would Bateman Do?