I'm sure if you don't live under a rock you read about the "finance guy" that kept an incredibly detailed spreadsheet (attached to this post for logged in users) of his "prospects" on Match.com....and was dumb enough to actually send it out to one of his dates. I know, I know, old news... but why all the hate? clearly he was just doing what he was trained to do since he was a young boy.
First off, before we crush all the haters out there and definitively prove why Match.com and bankers are the perfect match, I have to ask ... Which one of you WSO Monkeys was this?!?! REALLY?! Have we taught you chimps nothing? Never share our secrets again or you will face an onslaught of monkey shit.
Without further ado, here are the 7 reasons why Match.com and bankers are actually the perfect marriage:
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Match.com claims to have "inspired twice as many marriages as any other site in the world." Bankers claim to have inspired twice as many divorces as any other career in the world. Opposites attract.
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With over 15 million members, anyone can sign up and join but the 1% can be as selective as they want. Looking for Sloan in that pullover v-neck sweater in salmon colored skinny jeans on her daddy's boat in the Hamptons? No problem.
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Match.com now offers a 6-month guarantee: if you don't find someone special in 6 months, they will give you 6 months free. Dating bankers makes this guarantee obsolete. How will you know if Jimmy from M&A is that "special someone" if you've only seen him four times in the last 6 months? Should she ask for the refund? No! Now she has 6 more months to figure out the hard truth. Time well spent.
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Bankers are trained to sell companies so it is an easy transition to sell themselves. Don't think we can hide our girl-like frame with a nicely tailored suit or hire strippers to pose casually with us like they are our friends? You're wrong.
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With limited time and thousands of women to stalk, it is crucial to make this into a scientific process. Bankers excel at this: spreadsheets, valuations, DCFs, probabilities and a mind that is able to synthesize all of this information quickly and efficiently (tip: high probability of junk-in-the-trunk if all photos are chest and up)
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Match.com is a goldmine for any value investor or banker that excels at spotting undervalued assets. Yes, that 35 year old MILF just winked at you and she doesn't care you're a 23 year old banker or how you got your balance sheet to balance.
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WWBD. What Would Bateman Do?
| Attachment | Size |
|---|---|
| Prospects (4.7.12)_redacted.xlsx 15.42 KB | 15.42 KB |
holy shit YOU CAN ATTACH SPREAD SHEET?!!>!
Mind. Blown.
monitor casually heard thats what swagon says when he gets busted for stalking people
WWDDD - What Would Don Draper Do
Internet dating? Dude, just show up to the bar and be fucking awesome.
Damn, just opened that spreadsheet. It was more disturbing than I originally thought :|
I think Capt. K said on a previous thread that the guy in question is a tertiary acquaintance of his (also that the guy's not really a "banker" in the classic sense). Hopefully he weighs in to spill the beans here.
All that aside, is this really so bad? The comments about the girls aren't overly harsh, he's just trying to keep everything straight. How is that "incredibly creepy"? This is absolutely no different than the proverbial "little black book" that guys have been keeping since the beginning of time.
10/10
ashleymadison looks better on resume
I am not annoyed by the guy and don't think he is creepy at all; dating is exhausting and it could get very confusing if you're doing it on line. It's always good to keep tabs instead of texting the wrong person an invitation to see all 6 Star Wars movies and then get the response of "I thought you were cool, have a nice life...NERD".*
What is eating at me is his lack of excel skills. He could've done so much better.
All that being said, I've spent my fair share of time on Match, and honestly had a pretty great experience. Went out with some awesome (and hot) girls, and actually found a really great one that I'm still dating. I'd add to the above list:
Still, stick it out - online dating has definitely crossed the chasm into "normal people". Most girls on there aren't socially weird, gaming you for dates, etc. They're just normal people trying to meet someone someplace besides bars.
I also met my current girlfriend on Match.com, so this theory must be true.
Hey dude if I were you I wouldn't vault out of the Online Dating closet quite yet. It is still generically understood that Internet dating still carries a broad stigma because the personas promulgated by individuals within these communities hardly match who and how they are in real life. Not that self presentment is always accurate in real life, but it is surely easier to construct online personas than ones in real life. I think everyone would disagree with your closing pitch also -- certainly using personal netoworks / friends / meeting people in real life is superior.
I'm a girl and I approve of this spreadsheet.
Real playas don't need to keep it straight tho'... AMIRITE
Props to Patrick and CaptK for their Match.com prowess.
Now be honest, what's wrong with them that they're using online dating?
I'm betting vestigial tail.
Amiright???
Online dating was looked down upon lets say 3-4 years ago, but now pretty much everyone who doesn't have a gf/bf by 30 is using it. EB the thing in "real life" is that you're always sizing the other person and not making moves, because 99% of the people are afraid of rejection and end up hooking up with their friends or friends friend. But on match.com everyone is there for a single goal "hook-up". That being said, I still prefer real life and have decided not to date for the next 5 yrs.
The lesson here is if you're not a pussy, you will never have to use online dating!
As far wtf is wrong with this girl to be on those sites, girl I've recently been seeing works full-time, has a startup that just got its first round of investors, and plays a sport semi-pro. I'm not nearly as busy but if I don't have time to go on the prowl then she definitely doesn't.
I DIDN'T KNOW VLOOKUPS STOOD FOR VAGINA LOOKUPS ?!?!?!?!?!
Why isn't there a dating site for people who work on Wall Street? They could call it WSFB (Wall Street Fuckbook)
Facebook Ass Exchange?
i have the original spreadsheet. but not sharing :o)
can i have she_monkey I will leak it
i wanna blow Dave... like now.
Do you like Match.com? I’ve been a big eHarmony fan since the release of their site in 2000. Before that I really didn’t understand their work. They were too artsy, too intellectual. It was on eHarmony where dating became more apparent. I think the facet of compatibility is the site’s undisputed masterpiece. It’s an epic meditation on intangibility.
See: Reason #1.
This is an incredible thread.
I wish the excel spreadsheet was longer with more comments on it, etc.
Perhaps one of you guys could try to get an updated version?
I'm curious who that first girl was... the one who forwarded the spreadsheet to her friends.
She's from Oyster Bay, which is near my neck of the woods and is about the same age.
Why I don't want to date for the next 5 yrs? Because I don't want drama in my life. I'd rather focus on making money.
Does that mean that you'll have the willpower to refrain from baby-making activities for half a decade?
Or will you call upon the one-nighters who have no reservations with sleeping with the entire city lol?
I know, sometimes I really want to be in a committed relationship but after spending an hour with any girl I realize I'm so happy that I'm not. All the women I've come across till now are insane, as in have weird ego problems and create drama when there is no need. So I'm not looking forward to any girl atm. I would like to focus on my career and have fun.
Money is simply a conduit to filthy poon, which is the penultimate currency. Time to refocus, grasshopper.
This guy worked at FactSet and is now Ladder Capital?
Is he really an investment banker?
^ Can I just ask how old you guys are (that use such online services)?
Just curious because I don't get the impression that a lot of people in their 20s (especially early/mid) would be using that service? Maybe I'm wrong. Does match.com provide a lot of liquidity for young assets lol?
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