Crazy Stories !?

During my IB years we went to a bar/club and after a while we figured out that some in the group are on WSO. but, fearing we would all look up each others posts, we didn't disclose our user names and promised not to do it until we have left the company!

Guy I know was at a BB working on an insane deal. After slaving away all week finishing up a model, his MD emails him on a Friday with "no more comments, great job on this" and let him leave at 17:00. Fucking crazy.  

I'm not from 63rd

Several years ago, before I was in IB, I was an associate at a smaller investment fund.  One of the partners was the legal counsel.  Anyway, the fund was celebrating its 10th year anniversary and it was a big bash at the office.  Everyone (except me, because I tend to be pretty conservative about getting drunk at work events) was pretty wasted.  The partner was going around trolling people and he smacked me on the nuts (lightly) a couple times walking by.  So the third time, I kinda dodge and grab him and pretend to tackle him.  Anyway, he comes around for round 4 later so I said 'hey man, last time I almost took you down' as a joke so he said he wanted to wrestle for fun.  The next thing I know, I'm engaged in a grappling match with the guy on the floor and I end up on top...but he keeps going so I take his back and pretend to put a choke on him but don't squeeze and instantly let go.  Apparently this really upset him because he jumped up and took a swing at me before being tackled by other people.  He went home and slept it off and hugged me the next day and apologized....with carpet burn on his face.

Went yachting as intern, partner got knocked out

The head of HR went to give a high five then switched to a hand shake and I accidentally dabbed her up lmao

Bump

I once had an MBA associate shut up and not give me any comments. believe it or not, we finished the book in record time and the MD was very impressed. it turns out, being a ghost was beneficial for him as he built considerable clout with the analysts for not creating work but it ultimately bit him in the ass as it became known he did jack shit on projects. he ultimately got fired. I feel for the guy but at the same time had seen this coming for him. also I thought his name was jack for a full year and called him that everyday, only to find out about a year after I left the firm his name was actually brian. he never corrected me all those years ago, might have been a mute now that I think about it

Not super crazy but I walked my MD's dog, it was a blast. Tiny boutique in a beach town.

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I was an intern at a small investment fund and we had a company wide outing (office in Boston & SF). Well, we went go karting, and at first I thought it was kinda lame. Then I checked out the website for this place and the karts went like 45 mph. We got suited up and sent out in waves. I don't know how I even survived my first race, the SF team had some beef with the Boston team and there was a lot of yellow flags being waved. My MD was also cutting people off left and right, and at one point he spun out around a corner. I really wanted to pass him, because the whole thing was one giant d measuring contest. I made an aggressive move and he tried to block me. I side-swiped this man so hard and he spun around like three times. I hit my head off the race seat and I was seeing stars, and somehow managed to finish (and win) the race. Oddly enough, I think my unwarranted Type A agression impressed him. I've been at the firm ever since.

at an east village bar with the trading desk one night after an expensive broker dinner...all blitzed of course...got into a boxing match with the head of my trading desk (we both wrestled in school)...we both got a little bloody and got kicked out of the bar...next morning was like it never happened

few weeks later, same group went to the Roberts Steakhouse (also known as the Hustler Club -  45th and 11th) whole desk went into the champagne room after dinner and i watched the 48yr old head of the desk get 6 naked strippers lay on top of him and grind on him...and then he commanded all the younger guys get in there for their turn while throwing coke in the air like spraying a champagne bottle...but...coke

we had a chinese princess summer intern who demanded "respect" one day during a volatile trading session and was promptly given the cold shoulder, after which she ran to the bathroom crying and was never seen again

then there was a rates sales guy who had a heart attack while sitting at his desk....groups of guys going to Rub'n'Tug massage parlors after entertaining clients at dinner (in korea town)

this was the era of wolf of wall street....midget tossing parties...assistants giving blowjobs on the trading floor (one trader even married the asst who blew him under the desk)....food fights...2004-2007...what a time to be alive

During Thanksgiving break at my folks house I stole my dad's razor and threw it out at a buddy's house. Needless to say, my ol' man was not having it. Thought my mom took it. Shenanigans. 

Once was on a deal for an O&G company in Southeast US during the 2015 downturn. A man had started the company in the 70s and his kids had inherited it. One son was a psycho and the other was a drug addict. In order to nullify the drug addict’s ownership, the psycho son paid local police to strap a brick of cocaine underneath the drug addicts car. The psycho son also paid somebody to call in the brick of cocaine to send the addiction son to jail. The local police accomplice eventually came clean and while it was going through court, we had to have multiple board meetings with both the psycho son and a drug addiction son were in the same room together. I honestly thought either one of them were going to pull out a gun at any moment and kill us all. Drug addict son pacing around in circles the whole meeting, sweating profusely, murmuring and talking to himself. while we were trying to figure out a path forward.

We had a Partner just mentally snap on a Friday and quit in the middle of a project. He literally decided he couldn't take it anymore, sent a resignation email, then closed his laptop and left for vacation.

Ironically he's still here: he came back on Monday expecting to go through the logistics and sort out his exit stuff, instead he was inundated by concerned emails from his team members about how they could work with him to make things right.

Still torn whenever I think of that story. I can't decide if it's heartwarming that everyone made an effort on their end, or frightening that a damn Partner of all people ended up in a situation like that in the first place.

Wayyyy back when I was a summer analyst we had a big mid-summer event where the whole team went to a bar and held it down all night. One of the summer associates, who we all hated, was all over this girl all night. Around 1am, a VP in our group was sick of it and told us he was going to do something about it. Long story short, the VP goes home with her that night and now, a decade later, is married to her. The summer associate didn't get a return offer and is working some dead end FP&A job now. 

Feel free to ignore the anti-banking / anti-finance sentiment, but some of the stories are wild 

Story from my PE in China adventures.  We were DDing an infant formula company. Company claimed to have the corner aisle and displays in every Wumart and Wallmart in China. So my manager asked me and the other associate to go do some DD trips. That meant dropping in to getting in a car and going on a road trip, to tick off Wumart stores in random tier 4 podunk towns in the middle of nowhere. After visiting 3 or 4 such towns we pull in to a tiny whistle-stop town in the middle of nowhere. We check in to the town's only hotel.  I get to my room, and within 10 minutes get a call asking if I'd like "fuwu" (meaning 'service').  I don't need room service, so I decline. An hour later, I get another call, same thing.  I'm thinking to myself "I'm the only foreigner that's probably ever been here. Hotel is being super polite."  So I decline.  Two hours later, another call.  And then at 1 or 2 am, I get another call. At this point, I am iritable and tell them off a bit. "Your hotel is really nice. And I appreciate this extra mile service but I don't need any room service / towels or food at 2 in the morning."  Next morning I tell my colleague. He bursts out laughing. Silly foreigner.  Those are the local 'working girls' cold-calling the hotel, room by room, offering themselves up.  "They weren't offering tea my friend, but another kind of meal altogether."  And that kids is how I met your mother.  (just kidding). 

Giving a MD a handjob under the conference table during the 2019 Womxn’s Leadership Summit! Was able to interview w/ him during superday and really hit it off well/got an offer

Not my story but one of my buddies. Dude used to sit near an absolute dungeon troll whey-protein fueled fart machine analyst and a 8 or 9 chick. dungeon troll would rip loud wet smacking farts all the time. the worst part apparently was the smell. at one point, the chick complains to HR who tells the MD to get his analysts under control. The MD told DT to stop chugging whey and if he audibly heard him "rip a juicy one", he'd halve his bonus. long story short, the bullpen started egging DT on to basically play a twisted version of the "penis" game where he'd try to control the volume of his farts and get louder and louder until dangerously close to being heard by the MD. Fast forward a few months and my buddy (assoc at the time) had to fly with the MD and gasshole DT to a diligence session. apparently back in the day, flights on United/Delta/SW had seats where you face each other. So the MD, my buddy and DT sat facing the client's c-suite team. before take off, dungeon troll rips ass on the "richter scale" (not decibel scale) and the CLIENT says that's mfing gross. the dungeon troll analyst apparently denied it and the client said with a stragiht face "I saw you tilt your ass". buddy said the farter got no bonus that year

Del

Not my story but it's amazing so here goes (slightly less detailed for a degree of anonymity): 

Have a friend who post-MBA was working at a consulting firm and absolutely hated his job.  After wrapping up a big project, instead of flying back to their home office, he and a few of the junior people on the project went on a weekend trip to a place like Nashville/New Orleans/Vegas (i.e. popular trip spot to party).   First night there, he blacks out completely, wakes up the next day back at his AirBnB without his phone or wallet.  As he's trying to figure out what happened, one of his colleagues brings over his phone and shows him his work email.  At 3 AM the night before, my friend had sent the following email to his whole team (cc'ing several partners):  subject line of "2 weeks notice", body of email the two-fingered peace emoji.  He didn't remember sending it and tried to smooth it over with his partner the next week - the partner's response was he had 2 weeks to wrap up his work and leave.  

Two stories:

Flew to meet with a client (CEO and CFO) at a trade show. We attend the show and left early to grab drinks - actually several rounds of drinks. Then grabbed dinner followed by another several rounds of drinks. As the night was concluding, I pulled out my phone to get an Uber and my client said "don't worry about it, I'll drive you back to your hotel." Without even seccond guessing or thinking clearly about how drunk everyone clearly was, I accepted immediately. i was staying at a Marriott that had a long driveway to the front with several gardens on the sides and a roundabout by the front door. The drive went smoothly until we got to the driveway. My client (driving) thought he saw something in the road and verred off to the side going about 40 miles per hour. We eneded up driving through and destroying over 100 feet of newly manicured garden beds with recently planted flowers. Naturally, my client slammed on the brakes and the car eventually stoped and got stuck in the grass/mud. I got out and helped him free the car and as he was tryting to navigate the car back to the road, he somehow drove the car right into a park style bench, completely destroying it. My client then reveres, straightens out the car, gets it on the raod and takes off as fast as that piece of shit car can go. Next morning during check out I had the hotel manager show me the security camera footage and asked my who was driving. I said it was an Uber...

My company was hosting a holiday party in the office (pre-2009, MM IB) and hired a full catering company and bar tenders/wait staff to pass drinks. This was supposed to last from 5p to about 8pm but, the MDs kept extending the party. It ended up going to midnight or so. at about 11p I was going to call it a night. I headed back to my desk to get my stuff and, on my way, heard what sounded like a fight coming from the our large conference room. The windows were frosted glass so, you could not see what was going on. I busted open the door to find an overzealous VP half naked with a few hookers arguing about the price of thier "services." I never looked at that conference room the same after that. 

My last year of IB, our holiday party got pretty out of control. Started at dinner and then moved to a club where we ordered tables. One of my associates passed out adderall and we started ordering bottles. Each bottle of champagne was $1000 / each and we probably ordered a dozen of them plus anything else we wanted. All on the banks card. Things get a little blurry, but two VPs ended up making out in front of all of us. One analyst punched a server for some reason. I have no idea why (he was never seen again.. we found out later he was fired). All the MDs stayed out until 5AM with us and we were all back in the office at 9am still drunk. Kinda miss nights like those now...

I was working as an intern at a hedge fund. PM was super cheap. He made me scan all his receipts from his dinners and other stuff. He was spending more on one meal than I got paid in a week.

During one of my analyst years, I was invited to go on a closing dinner in the midwest at a mountain resort. After the dinner a few of us went out to the bars. Me and two other analysts were friends with one MD and proceeded to get him hammered with us. Its like 2am and we end up talking to some girl at the bar who sold weed so we buy an eighth off her and some dutches. We go back to our hotel and our MD challenges us to each roll our best blunt (him included). We end up sneaking onto the mountain we were staying at and proceeded to smoke every one of them until we could barely talk. The next morning me and the analysts are dragging given we were twisted up until 4am or so. The MD sees us at like 12pm and just smirks and says "I've been up since 8am and already ski'd half the mountain, let's go pussies". 

My wildest story is that I was able to flock every single Chad & Brad onto WSO to boast about their high life as an investment banker.

When we all know that you guys have that LBO model due for 8am.... and its fucking 9am right now. MD is gonna tweak. 

I am wondering if some of the party culture seen here still exists? or did it all stop after 2008?

I've had lunch with a client, where we both ordered burgers and he proceeded to eat his burger vertically. 

A real wtf moment, haha 

Non target friend got his first M&A interview ever at a top Elite boutique because he was a professional fighter and once trained (and knocked down) a partner at this firm. Finally got the internship and ended at another elite boutique as a FT analyst