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Being happy with what you got
 

Arbitrage1980's picture
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:22pm
smiley.png

It goes without saying that every human being wants to be happy. We pursue education, careers, relationships, hobbies, etc., to maximize our happiness.

Looking back on my life as well as learning from others, I think envy and insecurity are perhaps the critical forces that cause us to be unhappy, oftentimes without us knowing it. We are stuck in a job, school, or situation that bothers us. Rather than taking proactive steps, we start looking at those who possess what we desire and covet their situation in life. We tell ourselves, "oh if only i were in his shoes or had XYZ, my life would be so much better." Coming from personal experience, this is a VERY dangerous trap, one that needs to be dismantled ASAP if you want to be an emotionally healthy person.

Some key points which I have really absorbed lately.

1. Do not think about what could have been. Only think about what will happen. We all have regrets about choices we made. Some of them may have been stupid and reckless. But no need to contemplate them now, wondering how our lives would be different if we had done X rather than Y. Learn from the mistakes but relentlessly push forward.

2. No matter how successful a person is, he is unhappy at times and struggles with insecurity and problems. This happened to me a lot when I would meet someone who is making great money, awesome job, beautiful girlfriend, great social life. And on the outside, their lives seem unbelievable. They always look happy; after all, on paper, they have it made. Surprisingly though, many people wear a facade in public. Even amongst my good friends, I have been shocked to discover that they struggled with bouts of depression or some other psychological issues. On the surface everything looked hunky dory. So do not envy others; ultimately, we are all humans going through this crazy thing known as life, struggling to figure things out and to make a place for ourselves in this world. In the midst of this, be truly thankful for what you have. I know this may sound cheesy, but the vast majority of humans in this world are in FAR worse situation than any of us on this forum. Taking a moment to just reflect on that reality often puts our concerns in the proper perspective.

3. Insecurity stems from not knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps no other quality is a deal breaker, professionally or personally, as insecurity. It eats away at our core, thus impeding our ability to achieve our full potential. Part of being a secure confident person is knowing what you're good and bad at and making decisions based on that self-knowledge. For example, I am not exactly the charismatic type who can walk into a bar and leave with a hot woman. Nor am I the life of the party who attracts people whenever he walks into a room. This reality used to bother me a lot, making me feel insecure in social settings. The key to overcoming this is to tell myself, "look, you may not be the most outgoing guy, but that's okay because you have skills and attributes that are quite unique. Leverage them to your benefit and to the benefit of others." Moreover, by focusing on your strengths, your professional and personal goals become more clear. Rather than chasing a hazy vision of what others deem to be "cool" or "prestigious", you will pursue the path that is right for you.

4. Very few experiences are worth the hype. This may sound like I'm being a negative party pooper. Allow me to explain. One consequence of envy and insecurity is that we start fantasizing about a certain person, object, or goal and putting them on a pedestal. This could be money, job, admission to a certain school, dream girlfriend, etc. Too often, even when we get what we want, the luster wears off rather quickly, and we're back where we started. If you were unhappy before accomplishing your goal, you WILL be unhappy afterwards unless you make fundamental changes. Aside from family and a handful of very good friends, much of life is a blur, a series of events that may seem of the utmost improtance at that moment but ultimately in the grand scheme of things, don't matter that much.

I have more thoughts but will stop here. As someone in his early 30's I'm amazed at how much I'm constantly learning about myself and life in general.

Best of luck, monkeys.

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Comments

spaceagecowboy's picture

you da mcman man.

HF
(Orangutan, 272
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 12:48pm

you da mcman man.

bankerobber's picture

I'd say write down those

(Chimp, 11
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 12:50pm

I'd say write down those fuqkups as a sunk cost, learn from your mistakes, try to forget it yet never make the same mistake twice and move on...

It's not the Harvard MBA, but what you *do* that defines you.

But who are we kidding, it's all HBS.

UFOinsider's picture

I'm happy with what I've got

O
(Human, 10,349
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:29pm

I'm happy with what I've got but want MORE. Sometimes, I lose sight of what matters, so thank you for post.

:D

YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...

BTbanker's picture

good read

IB
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:15pm

good read

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

WallStreetOasis.com's picture

always keep perspective.

EN
(Human, 12,074
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:18pm

always keep perspective. Good reminder.

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BlackHat's picture

It's hard to argue with 'be

HF
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:21pm

It's hard to argue with 'be happy with what you got,' because the only other option is 'be unhappy,' but don't be ignorant of what you are capable of having either. In some cases, being happy with what you have just means being content with underperforming your potential... and settling for mediocrity might be great for some people, but not for everyone.

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

melvvvar's picture

according to another member,

(King Kong, 1,693
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:24pm

according to another member, admission into HBS will open up haremloads of poon, respect, prestige, and money out the ass.

so i say OP has got it all wrong.

UFOinsider's picture

melvvvar: according to

O
(Human, 10,349
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:27pm
melvvvar:

according to another member, admission into HBS will open up haremloads of poon, respect, prestige, and money out the ass.

so i say OP has got it all wrong.

Not sure if serious, trolling, or both, but agreed. That same member probably has an unhealthy obsession bordering on pathalogical, so a dose of perspective would likely help. Perspective will likely prevent them from some type of newsworthy blowout should they not be accepted into said harem-access-granting-institution :/

YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...

Pienaar21's picture

Be hungry, but also cognizant

(Baboon, 101
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:37pm

Be hungry, but also cognizant of the fact that things can ALWAYS be worse. Good read.

happypantsmcgee's picture

Pienaar21: Be hungry, but

O
(Almost Human, 9,621
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 1:52pm
Pienaar21:

Be hungry, but also cognizant of the fact that things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hate this comment. Yes, I could always be on fire. That would make it worse. Hardly seems like a meaningful way to look at things though.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

SirTradesaLot's picture

melvvvar: according to

 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 2:01pm
melvvvar:

according to another member, admission into HBS will open up haremloads of poon, respect, prestige, and money out the ass.

so i say OP has got it all wrong.

Hahahahaha
I wonder who it could be?
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/motivational...

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

BlackHat's picture

happypantsmcgee: Pienaar21:

HF
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 2:06pm
happypantsmcgee:
Pienaar21:

Be hungry, but also cognizant of the fact that things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hate this comment. Yes, I could always be on fire. That would make it worse. Hardly seems like a meaningful way to look at things though.

The "there's kids starving in Japan" way of thinking has been lost on me since I was 6. I don't give a fuck about them because they're on the other side of the world, point to the guy who is in a similar situation and is having one shitty ass time and maybe the comparison will hit a little closer to home, hahaha.

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

That_Aston's picture

Good post. Although, I was

CF
(Gorilla, 574
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 2:15pm

Good post. Although, I was prepared for a bullet point acknowledging erectile dysfunction. :/

Here to learn and hopefully pass on some knowledge as well. SB if I helped.

Pienaar21's picture

happypantsmcgee: Pienaar21:

(Baboon, 101
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 2:18pm
happypantsmcgee:
Pienaar21:

Be hungry, but also cognizant of the fact that things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hate this comment. Yes, I could always be on fire. That would make it worse. Hardly seems like a meaningful way to look at things though.

Must suck being such a cynic.

I'm not saying to tell yourself "Well shit, most of the people in this world live on $100 a month. May be I should be thankful with that job at Mickey D's after all!". I'm saying, the next time you, or another monkey, finds themselves depressed because they landed a gig that pays them 90k out of school, after bonus, rather than 100k, to remember things can be somewhat significantly worse.

As others have said, work hard but keep things in perspective. Life is about balance.

WSOusername's picture

Great post, just a couple

 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 2:19pm

Great post, just a couple thoughts of my own which will most likely be considered tl;dr:
1) While it is certainly important to be happy with where you are, to a certain extent a little unhappiness can be leveraged into motivation and thus progress. For example, how can you bust your ass in school to get good grades if you're happy with landing some mediocre job? How can you bust your ass in the gym to get in shape, if you're happy being a fat ass? You get the point. Maybe I'm biased, but most of the happiest people I know are also the least motivated.... just an irony? perhaps, but perhaps not.
2) Regarding the proverbial pedestal, I completely agree. The appeal of most things, is the idea of how you dont have it but someone else does, not necessarily the attainment of said thing. I'm sure anyone who has ever put something on a pedestal (whether it be relating to girls, academics, sports, admissions... anything) and achieved said thing, knows what I'm talking about. It goes from an over-dramatized image of how awesome things will be "if only", to meh.... what's next?
3) Lastly, I also agree with "insecurity stems from not knowing your strengths and weaknesses". I find younger people have this propensity to grasp onto their inefficiencies while ignoring their efficiencies. Nobody is perfect at everything. That genius is probably mad awkward, that social butterfly is probably dumb as shit, you get the point. One of the cool things I've noticed from growing up is how you go from harping on your weaknesses, to recognizing your strengths and accepting how you can't be perfect at everything.

GBS

JDimon's picture

To OP - great post and you're

(Orangutan, 252
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 3:06pm

There is already a book on you. That book is already being written. And if I talked to your friends, your teachers, your professionals, your family, I would know so much about you I wouldn't even have to meet you. You write the book the way you want to be

Pienaar21's picture

JDimon: However, I've

(Baboon, 101
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 3:17pm
prudentinvestor's picture

Here's my advice for all the

(Orangutan, 317
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 3:31pm
R0bin's picture

If Michael Jordan was happy

(Orangutan, 292
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 3:40pm

Baby you're the perfect shape, baby you're the perfect weight. Treat me like my birthday, I want it this way and I want it that way. It makes a man feel good baby.

Hayek's picture

Droppin' some real talk. SB

CO
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 3:48pm
LIBORtarian's picture

I'm going to flip this around

HF
(Chimp, 4
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 4:21pm
TheSquale's picture

Very good post. You said it

AM
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 4:24pm
BlackHat's picture

LIBORtarian: I'm going to

HF
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 4:24pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

Nabooru's picture

Interesting topic, but I just

(Gorilla, 689
 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 4:56pm

Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?

SirTradesaLot's picture

I have a never ending desire

 
Points)
 on 8/8/12 at 5:19pm

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

eignenvector's picture

Doing whatever makes you

AM
 
Points)
 on 8/9/12 at 10:07am

"When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen."
- JP Morgan

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