Getting back in the Game
I've been following WSO for a while but this is my first post. 2 months ago I split with my girlfriend of 3 years. we lived together for a year and a half. long story short she wanted a "real" commitment and I clearly wasn't ready for a number of reasons (thats for another post). Bottom line, I've been on the sidelines for a LONG time and looking for some advice. I'm going on a "date" with a chic this weekend and wondering if I should disclose I'm recently getting out of a long term relationship. I'm not looking to get back into anything serious just want to get out there and meet new talent. Also, whats the best way to transition from married life to being single?
Divulging anything like that on a date is a seriously bad idea. Especially early on. I can't see any benefit in it at all.
You aren't on the same team on the dating stage of the relationship. You're trying to sell yourself to her but at the same time make it seem that you're a commodity in demand.
Try and line up other options, doesnt have to be dates, but areas where dates could come from). it'll help your attitude and approach (its her or bust, and not in a good meaning of the word bust).
Dont try hard. Stand your ground. Women dont like pushovers. Pander to her and you're toast. There's a difference between being polite and being subservient. Take the lead on almost all decision making. Don't order for her (assuming you're doing dinner), but have in mind something on the menu in case she asks. (p.s. order something that the restaurant will do well, not what you think she'd like to eat).
DO NOT GO TO A CINEMA.
Ask about her and dont just sit and fucking nod. Ultimately if you arent right for each other, then you want to get out as fast as possible, Don't waste her time (or yours).
Getting back in the game? Please. I am the fuckin' game pal.
Don't unload that kind of baggage on her this early on, maybe date 2 or 3 if you hit it off with her. 2nd poster got it right, women don't like men who pander to them. Have fun, be confident, make her laugh and you'll be fine.
telling chicks you broke up is good for rebounds. do you want to work on your one-night stand game or your dating game?
always wear my custom bright red FUBU jersey on 1st dates, works errrtime. red is the color of the bull - shows u r strong and manly, and subliminally tells bishes u can shoot giant bull-sized loads
If you mention that, she'll automatically assume that you are looking for a rebound chick. Bad idea. On a good date, neither you nor the girl should be asking about the reasons you're single, or mention any past relationships or any baggage. Even if she's saying she's sorry and it must be tough and all that, all she would be thinking about is "HELL NO"
Like mentioned above, take lead on almost everything but give her a chance to take the lead on something so you can see if she actually can handle her own and for her to see that you're open minded and not a douchenozzle.
Finally dress well, and make her laugh. Good Luck
OK first of all I don't know any guy who trashes a girl he slept with on a first date for being a "slut." Second girls do not love sex as much as guys. You are judging this off of what noise they make during sex and making it seem like women somehow get more pleasure out of it than men which is completely untrue. Hell half the time they can't even orgasm during sex (inb4 small penis joke). They make more noise because 1) they are expected to and/or fake it and 2) they are just more vocal. Unless you are a rapist, women hold all of the power in initial sexual encounters. They know men are trying to have sex with them yet they still play mind games and make it difficult. Like you said part of this is because of social stigma of being a slut but still, if you are alone with a girl on a date (as opposed to you being at a party and everyone seeing you leave together) then she has no reason to not want to go home with you and if she is really attracted to you, and she would have an incentive to if she thought it would help the relationship develop.
Girls do not want to "have sex from the start." They enjoy it, sure, but they have many other reasons to date or enter into a relationship. It is your job to make them want it. If sex was all they wanted from a relationship they they could just cut to the chase and buy a dildo. I would suggest losing your virginity before you talk about girls.
Yikes, I pity your sex life my man. I take it you never had a girl or two in college that you just hooked up with? Or if you did, you clearly weren't doing your job sheesh. Girls are just as sexual as men, and they enjoy sex just as much. Obviously it varies from woman to woman, but I've been with women I considered more sexual than I.
As for the not orgasming thing, you're right to a certain extent. But I think that issue stems from us not understanding what do to and how to use what we have. It's harder for women to get their rocks off, but if you go into it with that goal and you know what you're doing, you're gonna get there.
Girls do not want to have sex from the start? What?! Societal norms prevent women from doing/saying what they really want to do sexually. When a girl loses her inhibition (or just gets really turned on) they'll let you know what they're really thinking. In college I sat next to a cute girl in my business class. We talked regularly in class but I never made a move. I saw this girl at a bar a couple weeks before graduation and she came up to me and whispered in my ear that she's wanted to have sex with me since I first sat down in class. Don't ever believe that girls aren't as sexual as men.
roofies
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