How To Become Extroverted
So I know that most people in banking and trading are huge extroverts, but I am certainly not one of them. I have been introverted all my life. I am gradually becoming more extroverted now as I get older, but I am not where I need to be to be successful or comfortable in social situations. I mean, I am not awkward or anything, but I just tend to sit and listen and feel like I don't say anything when people are talking.
Is there any way to change this? Is there really any way to become more extroverted? One thing that I have done for a while is just to act like I am extroverted, even though its almost painful on the inside, which has worked somewhat in making me more comfortable. But is there really any other way to do it, and do you guys think its possible?






This has to be a troll post.
This has to be a troll post. A deeply disturbed troll who has probably sat on the sidelines trolling/introverting till they realized that it pays to be a human. Again business is about WHO YOU ARE not WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Can't change personality.
step 1. Change ur name from wannabe because that is exactly what you are
step 2. Gain some confidence, everyone else isn't extroverted...they are obnoxious, oblivious and have no filter
step 3. While considering and convincing yourself of step 2...become the 'rational voice'... you will speak more, and offend less.
...troll
Most of the IBD analysts I
Most of the IBD analysts I have ever been friends with, met, interviewed, etc... are not overly extroverted. It would be tough to grind out 80-100 hours in a cube with very little social interaction if you were extremely extroverted. Extroverts largely draw their energy from other people rather than from themselves.
Once you get beyond the analyst level the social dynamic changes tremendously. At the end of the day the senior bankers are nothing more than salesmen. It's certainly different than selling used cars, but their goal is to sell the bank's clients on its services and brand.
Extraversion and introversion
Extraversion and introversion are built-in personality traits. Your personality doesn't change much after age 3 or 4. But I think you're using the term wrong. Extraverts are basically those who are energized by being around people and introverts are those who are energized by quiet/alone time. Being "shy" or untalkative has nothing to do with extraversion or introversion.
The real question is, how do I be less shy and more talkative even though it pains me? Necessity is the mother of all invention. If you have to, you will. If it's hurting your career or your life then, out of necessity, you will push through. That personality trait will not change--but perhaps "acting" will become more normal the more you do it.
alcohol
alcohol
whatwhatwhat
alcohol
This. Or addy. Assuming you actually mean outgoing/talkative and not extroverted.
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
jasond999 wrote: This has to
This has to be a troll post. A deeply disturbed troll who has probably sat on the sidelines trolling/introverting till they realized that it pays to be a human. Again business is about WHO YOU ARE not WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Can't change personality.
step 1. Change ur name from wannabe because that is exactly what you are
step 2. Gain some confidence, everyone else isn't extroverted...they are obnoxious, oblivious and have no filter
step 3. While considering and convincing yourself of step 2...become the 'rational voice'... you will speak more, and offend less.
...troll
You, sir, are an ass. The man is trying to work through a real, difficult problem to better himself - hes identified a problem and he is looking for input on the best ways to solve it. Hes not worse as a character for having this trait.
Op, Virginia gives good advice. I would recommend reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you have the money and time, Id also advise you to attend the Carnegie public speaking course - Warren Buffett was rather introverted as a young man, and he took this course and has credited his having taken it with his success as a speaker and in general. The important things to realize, I think are several:
Smile
Learn to appreciate people, and that everyone has something(s) appreciable about them, and talk in terms of the other persons interests
Make the other person feel important, and give them plenty of opportunity to talk
I think a good way to develop these habits is to go out of your way to develop them. Try to give appreciation to at least one person a day who you otherwise wouldn't have reason to. Go to networking events and talk to people who you otherwise wouldn't. Also, read Ben Franklin's autobiography. He has a method for improving his character that he started when he was young and which he practiced through his life that he considered crucial to his success.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin#Thi...
I used to have a lot of trouble in social situations. I remember going to parties and being utterly terrified, and feeling drained of all my energy when I was there. It takes time to work on this, and I still see myself slipping up, but it is worth it.
“...all truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
- Schopenhauer
Sex, then you will sing I
Sex, then you will sing
I JUST HAD SEX (by akon)
most extrovert thing you will ever do.
I want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed,
Go Bucks!!
you can't categorize bankers
you can't categorize bankers or traders as just extroverted or introverted. sure, you have to know how to talk to people, but you don't necessarily have to make yourself be known at all times.
just be yourself, and be okay with it. you can be a quiet person in the workplace, but as long as you are comfortable in your own skin, then people will respect you.
that being said, i am a huge dale carnegie fan - so read on to get some good pointers (won't teach you how to be extroverted, that's innate in my opinion).
cheers
Capitalist
Throughout my childhood, I
Throughout my childhood, I was painfully shy. I lacked confidence and my upbringing in a strict / suffocating family environment only severely aggravated this issue. I was also poor and didn't have many friends growing up (partially due to my personality and partially due to reasons outside my control). I guess all that isolation and existential loneliness gave me a lot of time to think - I realized that I wasn't very happy and wanted to be everything that I wasn't. Although I didn't have much, I did have a fire in my belly and a lot of determination. At 18, I left home for college and vowed to come back as a different person.
It is eight years later... I ran into a high school friend awhile back who was shocked how much I changed. We hung out and he was so impressed that I was confident, funny, attractive (surprising how much a lot of muscle and nice clothes / grooming can do) and could chat up hot girls at the bars with ease. To this day, I still don't believe that I am a natural extrovert and see myself as an introvert at heart. I enjoy stealing times here and there for short moments solitude and the beauty that comes with self-reflection. Nonetheless, I am in finance now and have to schmooze and party virtually 24/7. I am a salesman and being smooth / convincing is what keeps us employed. I say this with a certain sense of resignation but also a lot of pride in the new life that I now lead.
What helped me change completely were:
-Be successful = I got a great job, a MBA from a top school and a covetted investment banking career. You will be surprised to see what success can do for one's confidence and the perceived value of self. Furthermore, it compels others to see you differently. If others are impressed by you, they value your opinions more and it is a lot easier communicating with them. So work hard at whatever you do!
-Set specific goals = I used to set these clear and tangible numerical goals for myself and it did wonders. For example, goals I used to set were "I will talk to 5 people no matter what at the event tonight" or "If I see someone interesting, I will approach that person to talk within 3 seconds" or "I will make 25 calls by the end of the day." These goals challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and get better
-Start on the phone = I used to be awkward speaking to people in person so I practiced a lot over the phone (for my job). I realized that I could be anyone I wanted over the phone. The person on the other side couldn't see me so I experimented with different sides of myself. Sometimes, I tried to be aggressive and sometimes I tried to be nice. I realized after hundreds of calls that I have a knack for humor and made that my personal style
-Accumulate expertise = If you have nothing to say, try to be interesting by gaining a lot of knowledge and expertise on a specific subject matter. For example, be very well-versed in politics or be very passionate about a certain sport. Thus, if you end up talking about these subjects, you will be surprised to find that you will have more than enough you want to say
-Be opinionated = Be yourself, have a voice and believe in the merits of your thoughts. I used to always be neutral and never take a stand. I realized that this made me boring and useless as a person in conversations. No matter what the topic or subject manner, be willing to take a stand and defend your opinion
-Be determined = Realize that success comes with a price. In finance, being vocal, confident and smooth is necessary to getting ahead. Know that you will not get the girl of your dreams without trying. See the beauty in failure and know that the only way you stagnate is that you don't dare to take a step forward
Good luck!
I just remembered a video
I just remembered a video where Buffett addresses this directly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfuXKpMFUjc
“...all truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
- Schopenhauer
Ambition wrote: Sex, then you
Sex, then you will sing
I JUST HAD SEX (by LONELY ISLAND ft. akon)
most extrovert thing you will ever do.
FIFY.
I'm somewhat interested in this as well. I am an outgoing person, but the feedback I've received in mocks/informationals is that I seem quiet/need to show more energy. I think it may just be because I'm nervous and I hope as I do more interviews I will come across as more energetic and passionate. Any tips?
Join Toast Masters.
Join Toast Masters.
My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.
I think the key is not
I think the key is not necessarily to be an "extroverted" person per say, but to be an INTERESTING person. Put down the computer/ipad/iphone/whatever. Unplug and observe. Travel, explore, and observe people. Think about things, read interesting books, explore new hobbies. While you can't change some fundamental things, the brain is surprisingly adaptable to new situations and most "leadership" skills aren't innate. As Vancouver said, be successful in your field and have interesting insights. Be someone who people want to talk to, and listen attentively to others. Often the most "extroverted" people are not the most fun to be around, as they can be brash, uncouth, and annoying. Know when to talk and when to shut up.
The key problem most "introverts" have is they either spend too much time with themselves or do things that aren't really productive. Don't be an introvert who plays World of Warcraft 10 hours a day, as many introverts give themselves the excuse to do. Be proactive and explore new topics and think deeply. Some of the most interesting people I know are the most reflective and experienced individuals. Test yourself. Exercise hard, go explore new places, and meet new people. If you do that, everything else will come. As a society we often value the loud and visible, but some of the true leaders I know are the ones in the background who aren't noticed everyday. Those are the people working the true magic.
troll
troll
Good is the enemy of Great
Great post by Vancouver
Great post by Vancouver Canucks 2011. I'm a natural introvert but my shyness or lack thereof has changed a lot over the years. I used to talk to everybody until I was about 10 and then decided people would think me more mature if I didn't talk so much. Fast-forward five years and I was talking too little and the pendulum has been swinging ever since.
The same dynamics have affected my professional life. At an interview 3 years ago, people felt I was too reserved and shy. Last week, an interviewer was saying I was confident and had a lot of personality. Like VT4Ever said, if this starts affecting your career, you'll find a way to push through.
Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews
Introversion has nothing to
N.R.G. wrote: Introversion
whatwhatwhat
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
Have sex. Seriously.
AlsatianCousin wrote: Have
I want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed,
Go Bucks!!
have you considered the
Why's everyone hating on the
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
tlynch5 wrote: Why's everyone
Most of the people who work
meh, I am a bit shy and
I'm mad shy but I am adorable
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
WannabeBanker740, Thought you
"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
N.R.G. wrote: Introversion
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Pe
I wanted to embed this, but
don't worry about it, I've
The masked avenger par sexellence
Take an acting class, thats
The hills are alive with the sound of horsepower! - Jeremy Clarkson
another one:
"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
BullMkt wrote: Take an acting
I want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed,
Go Bucks!!
Do you ride public transit to
Being Type A does not mean
GCABJ wrote: Being Type A
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
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If you wanna become
I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk
TonyPerkis wrote: If you
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
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TonyPerkis wrote: If you
Virginia Tech 4ever wrote:
I want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed,
Go Bucks!!
the solution is to go to a
You can be introverted - just
UFOinsider wrote: TonyPerkis
I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk
I was in a similiar situation
Thanks GoodBread, BlackRainn
Vancouver Canucks 2011
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...