JP Morgan Farewell

Below is an email sent out by a guy leaving JP Morgan this past week

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

To Bob (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

One!

 
cackmenimble:
Having dealt with teh complete idiots in the phone banking department of Chase Bank, I'm not suprised.

This guy is definately not an investment banker.

Haha...exactly what my father said.

 

he sent it out to the ENTIRE bank? it seems like it - the letter addresses jamie dimon on down.

depends on what position he's in. it's ballsy if he never plans on working for a co. even closely related to JPM, its stupid if he does. if he's moving down south to some shithole town then no one's gonna care, if he stays in NYC this was a stupid move.

 
idkoop:
he sent it out to the ENTIRE bank? it seems like it - the letter addresses jamie dimon on down.

depends on what position he's in. it's ballsy if he never plans on working for a co. even closely related to JPM, its stupid if he does. if he's moving down south to some shithole town then no one's gonna care, if he stays in NYC this was a stupid move.

It didn't need to be sent to everyone in the bank. E-mails like this get passed around very quickly in large companies, and I'm sure the original author was well aware of that fact, and acknowledged people from different sectors of the bank knowing this.

 

It could get forwarded anywhere - anywhere at all. Possibly even the media. It only take one person to leak the real name - then you're dead. Remember the law school grad who got into an email spat with a partner at a law firm, and responded with 'bla bla bla'? It made national news.

Most employers now Google employee's names. I've done it, as a hiring manager. You can't erase the internet. If it makes the news - any news - it will pop up on the Google search forever. Whether or not you're in NYC.

By the way - everyone should Google themselves before applying for a job - any job.

 

This guy will not only never work at JP or related companies again, but will also never work in finance again. It's happened to people before - his email has made the rounds across the whole street and crossed the pond.

@ Bryan - agree that he isn't in IBD. But similar emails have (not often enough though :) been sent by exiting i-bankers.

"Living the dream 24/7 on http://theallnighter.blogspot.com"

____________________________________________________________ "LIVING THE DREAM 24/7 ON http://THEALLNIGHTER.BLOGSPOT.COM" ____________________________________________________________
 
AllNighter:
This guy will not only never work at JP or related companies again, but will also never work in finance again. It's happened to people before - his email has made the rounds across the whole street and crossed the pond.

@ Bryan - agree that he isn't in IBD. But similar emails have (not often enough though :) been sent by exiting i-bankers.

"Living the dream 24/7 on http://theallnighter.blogspot.com"

Funny how future masters of the universe can't calculate the risk/return of one of these e-mails.

 

People!

Realize that this guy doesn't want to work in FINANCE, he's probably an 'account manager' who checks your credit score when you pressure him for a lower apr %.

He doesn't care, he hates his job, he doesn't want to work at a crappy retail bank.

For anyone who hasn't used CHASE before, never do, they are a worthless bunch of idiots there. JPMorgan sold itself to the devil when it developed that relationship.

 
bryan1:
People!

Realize that this guy doesn't want to work in FINANCE, he's probably an 'account manager' who checks your credit score when you pressure him for a lower apr %.

He doesn't care, he hates his job, he doesn't want to work at a crappy retail bank.

For anyone who hasn't used CHASE before, never do, they are a worthless bunch of idiots there. JPMorgan sold itself to the devil when it developed that relationship.

lol

"Living the dream 24/7 at http://theallnighter.blogspot.com"

____________________________________________________________ "LIVING THE DREAM 24/7 ON http://THEALLNIGHTER.BLOGSPOT.COM" ____________________________________________________________
 

Lame letter. If this person had any balls at all he would have brought these complaints up BEFORE he weasled out and quit the company.

On top of everything, he accuses the company of sexism, and at the same time calls his ex-boss "sweet heart" while making sexual innuendos.

Loooooser

 

Actually, ignore my last post. The author of this letter clearly rippped off/drew inspiration from a similar letter Hahn wrote approximately two years ago. That also provides an entertaining read.

 

..but I like the guy just fror his balls. He is probably going to get screwed but I hate the feeling of being given shit and not being able to do anything back. Most people simply wouldnt have the balls not because they wouldn't want to but simplybecause they would be scared of the consequences. I hope it work out for him

 

sure he'll get screwed if he ever tries to work for a bank/finance related firm/global corporate, but if he wants a change of career as a satarical columnist/online reporter/standup comedian/any industry that rewards outrage over conformity, he would've done a lot of good for himself getting in the door.

 

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