Leveraged Sellout Part II
(Senior Monkey, 83
Points)
on 11/4/10 at 12:49pm
This post may raise some eyebrows, but to those of you troubled by what I am asking for, please go sit on something.
As for the rest of you, I really miss leveragedsellout.com. I don't care if the creater never worked in banking. His follies produced more laughs than any other website I have had the pleasure of persuing.
I propose a collective effort via the wallstreetoasis community to recreate something even better. Maybe we create a "thread" dedicated to leveraged sellout Pat II, in which individuals can contribute their pension to employee hyperbole at will.
Any thoughts?
To get the wheels in motion,
To get the wheels in motion, lets post some of our favorite LSO quotes. I'll get the party started:
As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been chartered to do whatever the hell kind of finance I want since I was 10, screaming at Production (Celia, my Hispanic maid) to not fuck up comb-binding my book reports. “You numbered the Table of Contents?!” I’d scream at her, winging the thing across the kitchen. And then I’d provide the brand of constructive feedback you might hear from a pissed off MD at Goldman:
“This kind of shit might fly at Banco Popular, but not in my house.”
See my other WSO blog posts
Too easy: "One second I was
Too easy:
"One second I was an innocuous American car, wearing shorts and a polo. The next second—BAM! I was transformed and growling back at myself in a $3k bespoke suit, 1000 feet tall, ready to shoot M&A lasers out of my elbows. The Optimus Mother Fucking Prime of Banking, baby."
"Then I chuckled to myself
"Then I chuckled to myself and made a clever joke about the demise of Optimus Subprime, a once promising autobot."
Haha! Classic. I considered that one.
See my other WSO blog posts
Which would you rather
Which would you rather be?
(A) An M&A MD at Jeffries
(B) A PWM VP at Bear
(C) A trade settlement analyst at Lehman
(D) A HR intern at GS
(E) A janitor at Citadel
Chicago12345 wrote: Which
Which would you rather be?
(A) An M&A MD at Jeffries
(B) A PWM VP at Bear
(C) A trade settlement analyst at Lehman
(D) A HR intern at GS
(E) A janitor at Citadel
-Absolutely classic- my second favorite.
I can't remember what post it
I can't remember what post it was in, but the one that goes something along the lines of "Fi as in finance. Fi as in fickle with my private jets." is hilarious as well.
Silver banana to the first person to post it.
See my other WSO blog posts
Found it: Yes, your Mom and
Found it:
Yes, your Mom and your broke-ass girlfriend both got you gift certificates to Banana for Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you wear that Middle-America shit to work, son! This is FI-nance. FI as in “FIx me a drink, Jeeves.” FI as in “FIlling my wallet with Benjamins.” FI as in “FIckle with my private jets.” Not FI as in “FIt really well when I tried it on at the mall in Piscataway.” Ugh.
See my other WSO blog posts
Bro, I know you only made
Bro, I know you only made like $55k traveling to Bumblefuck, Idaho every week to provide “strategic insight” and “thought leadership,” but please, at least go to TJ Maxx and get some some slightly imperfect Brooks Brothers. Get on eBay or something and buy that shit used for God’s sakes. Yes, your Mom and your broke-ass girlfriend both got you gift certificates to Banana for Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you wear that Middle-America shit to work, son! This is FI-nance. FI as in “FIx me a drink, Jeeves.” FI as in “FIlling my wallet with Benjamins.” FI as in “FIckle with my private jets.” Not FI as in “FIt really well when I tried it on at the mall in Piscataway.” Ugh.
I like my women like I like
I like my women like I like my loafers: expensive, fit, and more often than not, with a bit of bling around their necks. They’re probably my two favorite things in the world, women and loafers. Put to it, I’m not even certain which one I’d pick over the other. I’d normally be tempted to select women, but, it is summer right now, meaning that until the government mandates a universally implanted, 3-month contraceptive device (sans mood swings), the winner would have to be my loafers—the ones I can safely slip into bareback.
Note: My affinity for black and brown loafers does not quite carry over to their female counterparts.
Right as we were getting to
Right as we were getting to the door, I saw The Turd, and he was talking to an older Black man with an axe sticking out of his head.
Suddenly, it clicked.
“Wachovia!” I burst confidently from across the room, pointing at him with my index finger.
Both The Turd and Stan O’Neal turned and sent back congratulatory looks. They nodded their heads in unison, smiled, and gave me four, big shit-eating thumbs ups.
Two analysts converse
Two analysts converse surreptitiously while eating lunch at their desks
“Yo Dude, guess what?”
“What?”
“This MD at work today f*ing took off his shoes and slammed them on the desk of some HR chick and was like ‘clean these.’”
“Hahah, oh snap! That is hot. Get this though, the other day, this MD accidentally spills coffee on this analyst’s shirt. MD doesn’t really say anything, just goes on working. The analyst is moping around all day whining about his shirt and shit. So finally, the MD drops $100 bill on the analyst’s desk and goes ‘F*ckin quit whining and just go buy yourself a new shirt if its that big a f*ckin’ deal.’ So the analyst is all happy and shit because he got the POS at Marshalls for like $15. But then, the MD says ‘But I own that shirt now, give it to me’ and makes the analyst give him the shirt go the rest of the day with no shirt!”
“OH MY F*ING GOD MD’s ARE SO AMAZING�”
“I know dog, they are such BALLERS. I can’t wait till I’m pulling in huge deals for the firm and rockin out.”
“I know dog, they’ll be able to see our Big Swinging Dicks from Queens!”
“Queens? Is that in Jersey?”
I win here, I win there...
http://leveragedsellout.com/
http://leveragedsellout.com/
For all those unaware of what lies beyond the WSO walls.
I just purchased my third
I just purchased my third pair of Ferragamo loafers, and I think my wardrobe is nearly complete! Looking into my closet makes me harder than I get when I smell the deep, earthy ink aroma of a fresh WSJ. My seven Burberry scarfs, folded neatly and stacked one on top of the other create a pillow of heavenly checkeredness, are my personal flair, my “je ne sais quoi,” if I may. I have aggregated one Brooks Brothers shirt in every single color and in all three of their styles. I get a little nervous about wearing anything not from The Brooks, but I also got a couple Thomas Pink shirts. Apparently, it’s very British; and I like to be worldly.
fdba Emory Blaine and BBA or otherwise trying to find the perfect pseudonym.
One time, I was in the
One time, I was in the Hamptons, and I got a call from our MD asking me to finish up a few things. I just hate getting sand in my laptop, so I called up the ol' Changster and asked him if he wouldn't mind helping me out quickly. "You're a machine, man! Shouldn't take more than a couple, ten hours," I encouraged him.
I could hear him getting into the huffing part of his impersonation over the phone, and I was curious how that lighthearted snarl might convey itself cellularly. But then he added a new element to his routine, screaming, "FINE. JUST FUCKING STOP CALLING ME CHANG! I'M KOREAN. MY LAST NAME IS LEE," and slamming down the phone.
What a joker! Love that guy.
this one is funnier if you
this one is funnier if you know the context:
“I don’t’ know what you’re talking about, girl,” he stated, flatly, a newfound air of arrogance in his voice. There was a floater sitting on top of the TV, and, staring Amy deeply in the eyes, he picked it up and slammed back the remnants. Right before exiting the room, he reached into his pocket and took out his business card, which was covered in a thin film of unadulterated, raw sugar. He showcased it briefly like a game show prize and then pressed it down firmly on top of the TV stand. Pointing at the card and then back up at his face, Rohit clarified: “That’s how sweet I am.”
LSO is hysterical. No need to
looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
What happened to Amit
I win here, I win there...
"I have been practicing
I win here, I win there...