My real response to the MBA essay

Because of my gmat score and the dismal state of MBA applications, I know it makes absolutely no difference what I write here. Normally, I would tell you I want to get an MBA so I can start a business raising puppies for poor schoolchildren in war-ravaged, droubt-ridden regions of East Africa, or that I have a brilliant idea for a website condescendingly providing opportunities for women and minorities to better themselves even though they’re much happier the way they are than I am.

But just this once, I’d like to answer this question honestly.

This isn’t what I ever wanted to do with my life. This is never where I pictured my life going. I wanted to join the Peace Corps, go into politics, create my own startup, write a book, or do something really significant with my time. But that’s just not how it goes. My Peace Corps application kept getting pushed back indefinitely until I finally gave up. I don’t have nearly the money or connections to go into politics. I have none of the technical expertise to create my own startup. And my writing abilities and life experience would make for a pretty unbearable read.

I’m applying to business school because I absolutely hate my job, I miss college and want very much to sleep with more pretty sorority girls, and because I want a new job that pays me a higher salary for less hours of work. I’m sick of living in a f-ing shoebox in New York and can’t wait to bring my spoils to someplace warm where $100,000 will make me feel like I was born into royalty. My future career ambitions consist of sitting in an office discussing synergies and value chains whilst growing older and thereby, for no other reason, acquiring higher and higher status in the organization, so that I can earn more money while doing less of the work. Meanwhile I intend to live a worry-free upper-middle class lifestyle in a rather large house with many tropical getaways, while letting my inheritance grow so that my kids will one day be able to live even more comfortably and work even less. My family will surely continue to repeat this process until they are living so comfortably with so little to do that they are able to get involved in politics and have an ability to change the world, but at that point will almost invariably be more interested in preserving the status quo and their position in society.