I do not have kids, but I'm blessed to have several adorable nephews and nieces. I only get to see them like once a year, and not a day goes by that I don't think about them.
My oldest nephew just turned 12, so he is about to embark on his formative adolescence years. Rebellion against his parents, crushes on girls, getting in trouble, trying to be cool, will all become a part of his life. Hard to imagine since I still see him as that tiny baby I once held in my arms. But he will continually grow up. In light of this, there are several things I want my nephew to do in the coming years, which seems obvious now to me with the hindsight of age and experience.
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Be a good son and brother. The older I get, the more I appreciate the importance of family. I hope my nephew respects his parents and acts as a good role model to his younger siblings. I deeply regret not being a better son when I was younger, and this is something I can't take back as I see my parents age rapidly.
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Be well-rounded and happy. Taking things way too seriously at a young age is a recipe for disaster. This does not mean that one should not work hard to achive goals; rather, he needs to enjoy his teenage years by surrounding himself with good friends and non-academic activities that give him joy. Balance is key here.
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Play a sport. Thankfully my nephew already plays several sports. I think playing a sport in high school builds confidence, team skills, and leadership. It's one of those things that every teen should do if he's physically able to do so. Aside from general physical health, the benefits of playing a sport are many. Looking back, I really wish I was more active in this arena.
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Start studying for the SAT early. This may seem to contradict my earlier points, but I don't think so. I want my nephew to get into the best college he can, and I would shed tears of joy if here were to get into the HYP trinity, a goal that eluded me in high school and still haunts me to this day. I did not take the SAT seriously enough, thinking that my super high grades and extracurricular awards would somehow magically carry me through. I know for a fact that my scores were the main reason I was waitlisted at one of HYP rather than admitted, based on a conversation I had with a senior admissons officer regarding my waitlist status. I do not want my nephew to make the same mistake and am urging my sister to get the ball rolling on that front.
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Date early and often. No, I do not think my nephew should be some sort of a player who mistreats women. I do however want him to be comfortable with girls, learn the art of flirting, and go on dates, homecomings, and proms. This is part of becoming a man, and missing this development will hinder one's social progress immensely. Again, this is one area where I totally missed out, and although I became more social past college, the lack of this experience in high school definitely stunted my growth.
...It seems like you keep looking back to the past...never getting over it... What makes you think your nephew would have the same career goal/academic goal as you... Not everyone jerks off to the HYP prestige.
I understand that you care for your nephew but just let him be.
When he's a fully grown adult, he can make whatever decision he wants. But until then it's the job of his parents and other loved ones to push him in the right direction. This whole "just let him be" mentality is endemic in American culture and has done nothing but damage. It's the mindset that encourages teens to do what feels good regardless of the consequences. It's the mindset that makes kids think that their parents' primary job is to be their friends and oblige their every wishes.
I know she has gotten a lot of crap, but Amy Chua-Rubenfeld's "tiger mom" approach is HIGHLY preferable to the American alternative. She may have been tough, but her daughters are highly successful and will most likely be successful in their adult life due to their parents' tough love. Genetics matter, but so does nurture.
Right direction meaning HYP? You make me laugh.
you could have just titled this thread "my biggest regrets".
i hope you don't try to live vicariously through your nephew and push him to adopt your definitions of success, fun, failure, etc.
there's no reason to assume his life's purpose is to simply become a less shitty version of you.
Although you have the right ideas in mind, you have to let him live his life and allow him to roll with the punches on his own.
no HBS?
fail
If he's 12 though, when exactly should he start studying for the SAT? I feel like anything earlier than maybe the start of high school might be overkill, and even that's pushing it a bit... If I recall, I didn't start studying until the summer before junior year, then took it in the middle of junior year.
There's no such thing as overkill. You can't be too prepared, especially for something you know is coming up.
I took (but didn't study for) the SAT when I was 13 to see how I could hold up against those kinds of tests. I took it again my junior year of HS (again didn't study because I felt comfortable enough).
I agree. There's no such thing as overkill regarding academic preparation.
Really? This is only personal experience speaking but I knew plenty of the guys that were studying their ass off for those tests, and the difference between 4 years of studying and 1 year of studying isn't huge. At a certain point you reach critical mass IMO, but maybe for some people it helps to study that much more? I'm sure the marginal benefit of studying that extra time isn't as high as it would be spending that time improving yourself in some other areas. Saying there's no overkill in academic preparation is like saying there's nothing wrong with sitting in your room 24/7 studying, no?
I don't want my children (or extended family) to become Koreans.
There is such a thing as an overkill of academic preparation.
yes there is definitely such a thing as overkill. taking the test at 13, what the fuck is wrong with you? parents insane or something? or are you just asian? studying too early is useless, I took it twice junior year, didnt study at all, did pretty well, studied over the summer and took it in august/september senior year and blew that shit out of the water.
just be a kid, jesus christ, when i was 13 I was lighting bottle rockets off my deck and searching "boobs" and "porn" on askjeeves.com. growing up too fast is one of the biggest fears I have for my kids IMO. this doesn't mean fucking around in high school, you have to hit the books and be going full speed come 9th grade. but before that your life literally means nothing so have fun with it. you can make as many mistakes as you want with very few consequences.
why would anyone want to enter this giant shitty rat race before they have to?
what
You sound insecure as hell.
The last comment I'll make on this is I think there's a "happy medium" between Tiger Mom status and being one of those pussy parents who lets their kids just do what "makes them happy." HYP or bust is obviously a horrible mindset to have, but so is "it's okay to go to a community college" mentality. And yeah - it's not okay to go to a community college when you could have done much better, sorry. But success is not about making good grades at the end of the day, you need to give your kid enough freedom to figure some things out on his own, otherwise when he is out in the real world he's going to crash and burn. You can only do so much as a parent without your kids sharing the same vision for their future. And they won't share it unless they find out it's the right way on their own at some point.
I'd add learning a second language properly and spending a year or two abroad early on (before 20) to the list. I moved abroad for school when I was 16 and it shaped my personality in a big way - it's a great chance to break out of your comfort zone, try new things, meet new people and become independent and adaptable
This is just sad. Why do you post these things on WSO?
It's unusual to become an uncle at 2 years old these days, isn't it?
Why is everyone shitting on brady? He may be a bit over the top, but he does not want his nephew to make the same mistakes he did and wants the best for him.
Brady, serious question though. Do you really think that if you had gone to harvard/yale/princeton for undergrad, your life would have been that much better? What do you think you missed out on by going to penn ( a great fucking school) vs HYP aside from the higher prestige at the latter?
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