Improving your game
Game: that ineffable quality which all men aspire to possess, so we can attract women. People have written books and articles on it. Heck, there are men out there who call themselves "pickup artists" and do this for a living.
Your humble blogger is no casanova or a master of the game. However, I have gone out a lot in my younger days and have seen a thing or two. I still give advice to my friends on their various social situations. One thing that has struck me over all these years was the same type of mistakes guys make when they are talking to women, especially the ones they are attracted to.
With that being said, I want to offer a list of do's and dont's. A lot of this is obvious; I do not pretend to offer any profound insight into male-female social dynamics. But I think it's worth doing a recap since after all summer is in full session, and millions of men throughout this great country are eagerly going out, with hopes of meeting women.
1. Do not go to a venue with the sole purpose of picking up women. Huh? Isn't this counter-intuitive? After all, isn't that why single men go out in the first place? Well, yes and no. There is nothing wrong with going out and trying to meet women. The problem though is when too many single guys go out ONLY for that purpose rather than trying to have fun with their friends. Men who do this are quite easy to spot. They are in the corner with their bros, nursing a gin and tonic, and scoping out the women at the bar. Their obsession with finding someone makes them unattractive and needy. Women find this creepy. They want fun laid-back men who are able to have a great time regardless of the circumstances.
2. Always maintain eye contact when speaking to a woman. I actually struggle with this quite a lot. Looking someone directly in the eye, especially an attractive woman, can be very tough. The eyes are the windows into the soul, as the old saying goes. And not being able to look directly at someone reveals insecurity, perhaps the most unattractive quality you can convey to a woman. I would go as far as to say that being overweight is less of a hindrance than being insecure. So guys, whenever you are chatting a lovely lady up, look her directly in the eye. And try to smile. Staring at someone without any change in facial expressions is obviously creepy.
3. Do not get overly emotional. By this, I mean maintain a stable voice tone and body posture when speaking with a woman. Sounds easy right? Well, it's actually tougher than it looks. A lot of us, when we are trying to impress a woman with a certain story, will tend to raise our voice and use hand gestures way too often. Being overly emotional in this regard is unmasculine and somewhat goofy. It also displays a sense of neediness, as if we are seeking her affirmation of our worth. Always stay even-keeled. Do not let your voice tone get too high. And when speaking, try to relax your arms by your side, so you don't start flapping them around.
4. Go with the flow of the conversation. Don't constantly think about what you will say next. I'm so guilty of this it's not even funny. You are talking to someone, and while you're listening to her words, your brain is saying, "ok, once she stops talking what can i say next to make her laugh or come across as interesting?" STOP THIS NOW. This only kills the flow of the conversation, and it will hinder your ability to enjoy the moment. You will also get a lot more nervous when you do this as well as losing focus on the actual interaction. So make sure that you are attentive, fully absorbing her statements. You will come across as authentic to the woman, as someone who cares about learning more about her.
So these are just my thoughts. I hope all the WSO monkeys have a great social summer!
"If life were fair, there would be no opportunity for arbitrage."
http://www.leveragedsellout.com/2007/09/the-banker-method/
Just bringing back a classic. This website seems to have gotten pretty fucking soft lately.
guilty at times of all, but definitely agree. good advice.
solid
SB for you. I am very glad that we are getting more non-finance related blogs.
Call all the shots, rip all the spots, rock all the rocks, top all the drops
Way too basic man. Most of my bros internalized this type of shit in grade 9 lol
Especially in NYC, if you want a 10 with cool personality, you gotta bring big guns in.
Also, a bit off-topic ... I swear this city is infested with goddamn gold-diggers. It's not even funny. Materialistic bitches with no brains or education wanting to land a wealthy "hedge fund guy," who will support the trophy-wife lifestyle that these hoes dream about.
All great points. SB for you. Picture reminded me of the book. Might have to give it another read.
Anyways, if I could add anything is don't be discouraged when a woman rejects you. Take it in stride and move on. Rather than ignoring it, most men will dwell on the situation letting it affect their "game" in the future. Essentially, it's just a numbers game.
With the eye contact, if you look away and appear uninterested every so often; it makes you seem like you're a catch and talking to her is NBD. However putting your hands around your face or looking at her but away from her eyes comes off as nervous.
This is at least from my experience and it adds an element of forcing her to fight for your attention.
If you need to read a book on how to talk to women, you are probably not going to excel at talking to women.
Just be good looking and casually insulting. Also, under no circumstances are you to mouth the words to "Call Me Maybe."
Eye contact, open-minded, composure, normal personalty... awesome man, thanks for the revolutionary ideas
Act normal. The best game is not trying to game. Just be yourself, unless yourself sucks.
The interesting thing I have noticed is that women have thousands of magazines and books with tips on how to find a man and how to make a man happy but for men there isin't really a lot out there. Its considered unmanly to not know this stuff internally or to have to ask for help. As a result of this I see many guys suffering in silence or settling for unattractive/ugly women. In our PC femminist society with female teachers, ritalin galore and porn on tap its no wonder that men have lost their ability to interact with women. Although I think stuff like the Game and the Mystery Method can be a bit creepy they deffinatley offer a way to open your eyes if your an AFC or a nice guy who finishes last.
agreed with the eye contact to an extent, 100% eye contact is creepy. aim for 80% or so. Enough to be polite and make a statement that you arent avoiding it, but gives her some time to escape it. You're having a conversation, not a staring contest.
All the game wisdom you will ever need can be found through these two sources:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/
http://www.rooshv.com/
finally..tips to help me lose my virginity..thanks OP!
So, basic interaction skills? If you don't have this down by your early 20's your screwed
There's no perfect formula. Get the courage and just talk to a girl... end of story. It's like baseball, play the numbers game and hope you'll get attention from at a rate of .300%.
All those mystery methods are gimmicks... essentially a guy is hitting on x girls and some percentage responds. If you don't try to approach chicks then you'll be at 0.
Also women are complicated as hell so don't try to analyze them too much. Be careful from assuming a girl likes you because such actions can be false signals (touching hair, smiling, etc.)
I'm pretty sure were were all aware of these points, but I liked them spelled out like this. Simple, to the point. SB for you. Also, as someone mentioned above, it is a numbers game ultimately. The more you go up to bat, the more likely you are to hit home runs (versus not going up to bat at all). Good luck and remember to have fun.
Well, I think that psychologically many men see women as the images that they see in magazines (Kate Upton in GQ) etc. and develop a fear of approach based on the viewpoint that she's a goddess. Literally, they fall down and worship her, develop shyness and generally treat her with kid gloves. See her as a human being who has to wash her ass, isn't perfect like in the movies/magazines and treat her as such. Most of being an AFC is because of fear of her. Try to imagine her taking a big shit.
Mmmm yummy, take a big one all over my chest
How does she do that? With a bidet?
I never seem to be able to pay full attention to what they are saying...this kills conversations pretty damn quick.
Regarding #2...if you can't comfortably look her in the eyes, in all seriousness stare at the eyebrows. No one can tell the difference; it looks as if you're focused right on the eyes.
Agreed about just having fun with your friends and not trying too hard.
no one should be going out "to get chicks"...it'll ruin your night..you're better off just letting it happen...good call
I disagree. The good PUAs go out only to pick up chicks, but they have good game so it doesn't come off like that. Personally though, I have had better success at times when I just went out to have fun and it happened naturally.
Calling Swaggon
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