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Improving your game
 

Arbitrage1980's picture
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 10:30pm
pua.jpg

Game: that ineffable quality which all men aspire to possess, so we can attract women. People have written books and articles on it. Heck, there are men out there who call themselves "pickup artists" and do this for a living.

Your humble blogger is no casanova or a master of the game. However, I have gone out a lot in my younger days and have seen a thing or two. I still give advice to my friends on their various social situations. One thing that has struck me over all these years was the same type of mistakes guys make when they are talking to women, especially the ones they are attracted to.

With that being said, I want to offer a list of do's and dont's. A lot of this is obvious; I do not pretend to offer any profound insight into male-female social dynamics. But I think it's worth doing a recap since after all summer is in full session, and millions of men throughout this great country are eagerly going out, with hopes of meeting women.

1. Do not go to a venue with the sole purpose of picking up women. Huh? Isn't this counter-intuitive? After all, isn't that why single men go out in the first place? Well, yes and no. There is nothing wrong with going out and trying to meet women. The problem though is when too many single guys go out ONLY for that purpose rather than trying to have fun with their friends. Men who do this are quite easy to spot. They are in the corner with their bros, nursing a gin and tonic, and scoping out the women at the bar. Their obsession with finding someone makes them unattractive and needy. Women find this creepy. They want fun laid-back men who are able to have a great time regardless of the circumstances.

2. Always maintain eye contact when speaking to a woman. I actually struggle with this quite a lot. Looking someone directly in the eye, especially an attractive woman, can be very tough. The eyes are the windows into the soul, as the old saying goes. And not being able to look directly at someone reveals insecurity, perhaps the most unattractive quality you can convey to a woman. I would go as far as to say that being overweight is less of a hindrance than being insecure. So guys, whenever you are chatting a lovely lady up, look her directly in the eye. And try to smile. Staring at someone without any change in facial expressions is obviously creepy.

3. Do not get overly emotional. By this, I mean maintain a stable voice tone and body posture when speaking with a woman. Sounds easy right? Well, it's actually tougher than it looks. A lot of us, when we are trying to impress a woman with a certain story, will tend to raise our voice and use hand gestures way too often. Being overly emotional in this regard is unmasculine and somewhat goofy. It also displays a sense of neediness, as if we are seeking her affirmation of our worth. Always stay even-keeled. Do not let your voice tone get too high. And when speaking, try to relax your arms by your side, so you don't start flapping them around.

4. Go with the flow of the conversation. Don't constantly think about what you will say next. I'm so guilty of this it's not even funny. You are talking to someone, and while you're listening to her words, your brain is saying, "ok, once she stops talking what can i say next to make her laugh or come across as interesting?" STOP THIS NOW. This only kills the flow of the conversation, and it will hinder your ability to enjoy the moment. You will also get a lot more nervous when you do this as well as losing focus on the actual interaction. So make sure that you are attentive, fully absorbing her statements. You will come across as authentic to the woman, as someone who cares about learning more about her.

So these are just my thoughts. I hope all the WSO monkeys have a great social summer!

"If life were fair, there would be no opportunity for arbitrage."

See my other WSO blog posts
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Comments

neilol's picture

LSO: In all his material, I

IB
(Orangutan, 251
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:28pm
LSO:

In all his material, I was unable to find the only opener I’ve ever had to use: “Waddup bitch, I work in Finnance.” The risk is zero, and transition to “normal conversation” is instantaneous, where the phrase “normal conversation” refers to “sex.” Direct, but highly functional. All of Mystery’s canned material doesn’t even come close to capturing the spirit of this single sentence.

http://www.leveragedsellout.com/2007/09/the-banker...

Just bringing back a classic. This website seems to have gotten pretty fucking soft lately.

Buddyfox's picture

guilty at times of all, but

O
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:52pm

guilty at times of all, but definitely agree. good advice.

See my Monday Morning Brainteasers

bballerct50's picture

solid

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 5:13pm

solid

Human's picture

SB for you. I am very glad

PE
(King Kong, 1,891
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 5:23pm

SB for you. I am very glad that we are getting more non-finance related blogs.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."

Tommy Too-toned's picture

Call all the shots, rip all

(Gorilla, 505
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 7:07pm

Call all the shots, rip all the spots, rock all the rocks, top all the drops

CanadianPositiveCarry's picture

Way too basic man. Most of my

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 8:26pm

Way too basic man. Most of my bros internalized this type of shit in grade 9 lol

CanadianPositiveCarry's picture

Especially in NYC, if you

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 8:28pm

Especially in NYC, if you want a 10 with cool personality, you gotta bring big guns in.

CanadianPositiveCarry's picture

Also, a bit off-topic ... I

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 8:34pm

Also, a bit off-topic ... I swear this city is infested with goddamn gold-diggers. It's not even funny. Materialistic bitches with no brains or education wanting to land a wealthy "hedge fund guy," who will support the trophy-wife lifestyle that these hoes dream about.

luccabananas's picture

All great points. SB for you.

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:37pm

All great points. SB for you. Picture reminded me of the book. Might have to give it another read.

Anyways, if I could add anything is don't be discouraged when a woman rejects you. Take it in stride and move on. Rather than ignoring it, most men will dwell on the situation letting it affect their "game" in the future. Essentially, it's just a numbers game.

18-1's picture

With the eye contact, if you

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:44pm

With the eye contact, if you look away and appear uninterested every so often; it makes you seem like you're a catch and talking to her is NBD. However putting your hands around your face or looking at her but away from her eyes comes off as nervous.

This is at least from my experience and it adds an element of forcing her to fight for your attention.

Enjayes's picture

If you need to read a book on

(Monkey, 34
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:53pm

If you need to read a book on how to talk to women, you are probably not going to excel at talking to women.

Just be good looking and casually insulting. Also, under no circumstances are you to mouth the words to "Call Me Maybe."

TCB... you know taking care of business

mb666's picture

Eye contact, open-minded,

VC
(Gorilla, 687
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 1:12am

Eye contact, open-minded, composure, normal personalty... awesome man, thanks for the revolutionary ideas

Old Grand-Dad's picture

Act normal. The best game is

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 3:39am

Act normal. The best game is not trying to game. Just be yourself, unless yourself sucks.

Ovechkin08's picture

The interesting thing I have

O
(Orangutan, 306
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 4:23am

The interesting thing I have noticed is that women have thousands of magazines and books with tips on how to find a man and how to make a man happy but for men there isin't really a lot out there. Its considered unmanly to not know this stuff internally or to have to ask for help. As a result of this I see many guys suffering in silence or settling for unattractive/ugly women. In our PC femminist society with female teachers, ritalin galore and porn on tap its no wonder that men have lost their ability to interact with women. Although I think stuff like the Game and the Mystery Method can be a bit creepy they deffinatley offer a way to open your eyes if your an AFC or a nice guy who finishes last.

trazer985's picture

agreed with the eye contact

ST
(King Kong, 1,747
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 5:04am

agreed with the eye contact to an extent, 100% eye contact is creepy. aim for 80% or so. Enough to be polite and make a statement that you arent avoiding it, but gives her some time to escape it. You're having a conversation, not a staring contest.

laser's picture

All the game wisdom you will

(Monkey, 43
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 5:12am
TonyPerkis's picture

finally..tips to help me lose

AM
(King Kong, 1,578
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 6:46am

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Whgm45's picture

So, basic interaction skills?

ST
(Orangutan, 301
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 9:22am
mb666's picture

There's no perfect formula.

VC
(Gorilla, 687
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 9:33am
George87's picture

I'm pretty sure were were all

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 10:42am
Heist's picture

#'s completely. Have a great

(Baboon, 131
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 11:51am
TraderDaily's picture

Well, I think that

(King Kong, 1,045
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 12:38pm
Tommy Too-toned's picture

TraderDaily: See her as a

(Gorilla, 505
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 1:31pm
brandon st randy's picture

TraderDaily: See her as a

PE
(Gorilla, 705
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 7:09pm

...well, he's no use to us if Detroit is his idea of a small town!

Onetwobit's picture

I never seem to be able to

CF
(Orangutan, 255
 
Points)
 on 6/23/12 at 10:26am
In The Flesh's picture

Regarding #2...if you can't

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,814
 
Points)
 on 6/23/12 at 11:44am

Head of Metal Website: www.headofmetal.com

https://twitter.com/headofmetal2012

Studiofan's picture

Calling Swaggon

IB
(Orangutan, 253
 
Points)
 on 6/24/12 at 9:35pm
TonyPerkis's picture

In The Flesh: Agreed about

AM
(King Kong, 1,578
 
Points)
 on 6/25/12 at 5:43am

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Banker88's picture

TonyPerkis: In The

IB
(King Kong, 1,650
 
Points)
 on 6/25/12 at 7:11pm
Johnny Ringo's picture

Banker88: TonyPerkis: In

HF
 
Points)
 on 6/26/12 at 9:39am

Eventus stultorum magister.

swagon's picture

Studiofan: Calling

EN
(Neanderthal, 2,973
 
Points)
 on 6/27/12 at 9:25pm
TexasTim's picture

A man could have sex every

(Baboon, 101
 
Points)
 on 6/28/12 at 10:30am

There is life and death. I'm going to bust my ass to make an impact 'til the latter comes.

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