Best Cock Ups
Monkeys, I was reading someone else's post about war stories, wanted to kick off a thread about the best cock-ups you've seen, or maybe your 'friend' committed.
My personal favourite:
First year analyst (kid is a rock start) is sitting in the cab with three MDs on the way to an RFP pitch. The MDs are planning who's going to say what, and talk to which pages. Kid realises that some of the pages they are talking about are not in the book.
When they get out of the car:
- Rockstar to MD: "some of those pages that you talked about are not in the book"
- MD: "you'll have to repeat that, it didn't make any sense"
- Rockstar: "some of the pages you talked about, they aren't in the book"
- MD: "Why The Fuck Not!"
-Rockstar: "when we went through the book last night, you pulled those pages out and put them on the floor, so I deleted them"
MD walks away for a couple seconds, composes himself.
- MD: "ok, give me the book"
MD looks through the book, swears a bit, then explains the change of plan to the other MDs.
Rockstar wants to disappear the whole elevator trip, meeting starts:
- MD to potential clients: "Look, we're not going to waste your time with a lot of pages telling you what we know about your company, the industry, or our creds, let's just get right to the strategy"
Short answer to the question did they win the pitch: No
Side note, Rockstar got poached by PE, he gave notice on the day bonuses hit the account, so good news to kids that have seriously cocked-up, there's still hope.
Personally, Ron Jeremy. YMMV.
The fuck is a cock up? Is that like when you lay down on your stomach and lift yourself up with your boner?
Cock-Up
Typical gay investment banking banter. Bet OP is in the LGBT group at his firm.
I ain't no snitch.
you gotta be british
Not mine but another associate in my team.
Putting together a 90+ page pitch for a large European airline M&A piece. Flicking through the printed version and notice that the CEOs name has been spelt wrong on about page 63, too late to change it.
Still won the bake off.
We had a 1980's-era binding machine at my boutique. I use the term "machine" loosely, because it was totally manual--line up about 6 sheets at a time, use the lever to punch the holes, and set them aside until you had a fully punched book. Then you could put in the comb, pry it open, and settle the pages into your bound book.
IT WAS AWFUL. A run of 10 50-page books took FOREVER.
I was rushing to get a set of books done for a pitch, and in my hurry, one (just one) of the books ended up totally and completely out of order. Section IV had a handful of pages from Section II in it, Section V and Section III were switched, it was a total mess. And of course, who gets that one book? The CEO of the business, the recipient of the pitch.
We didn't win the pitch. My team went easy on me because they could see I was pretty torn up about it, but it's not like they were thrilled.
Holy shit, was it this binding machine? http://www.innovomachine.com/photo/f580cdb6109fb08a0cf79fcaf07595b2/ZX-…
Hahahaa I had to use one of these. So fucked. It took forever
Not my doing, but know somebody that accidentally brought the fairness opinion deck for the management team instead of the investor presentation announcing the deal to the conference call for the deal. MD asked the VP if he thought the analyst should be fired on the spot...fortunately they got the books on an iPad in time for use on the call.
does that really merit instant firing?
So imagine this...board room full of company management, the chairman, a few bankers all about to dial into the conference call to explain the deal to investors. CEO opens the deck to see its the wrong material.
While a smooth CEO would likely be able to play it off, can you imagine the embarrassment that would bring the MD in that situation?
Buddy of mine at a boutique IB.
Pitch to PE for a pharmaceuticals company roll-up, while back now, but the names of certain companies were changed in order to protect the IP the IB had.
As he was walking to the pitch with the two MDs he realized that he had left the names of the firms in the overview of the company (mid-sentence, easy to miss) so essentially just sat there and as they walked through the pitch the MDs, PE all saw this at the same time.
One MD shot him a lot as if to say 'I am going to skull fuck you when we get outside'. Lost the bakeoff. Got the return offer. They laugh about it now, but at the time you could have cut the tension with a knife.
And that is why any intern worth their salt (or analyst / associate for that matter!) learns to love Ctrl+F.
I can visualize this look so well. +SB
Can't really say I blame the analyst though. If there's any doubt about whether throwing it on the floor means you want it or not, then you aren't consistent enough in your communication style.
Cock up sounds like some dick enlarging/enhancement procedure... just saying.
Why?
Biggest one I have seen was by a new analyst who had just joined our team. On Friday evening a potential client requested that we pitch to them in another European country on the Tuesday morning (we were in London). It was a super confidential demerger of a large corporate followed by a number of transformational M&A opps.
A team of 3 of us pulled together a great book, spot on and really working around the clock. We all left the office at 5am on the Tuesday morning, knowing the MD flew out at 8am the next morning, with the analyst trusted to courier the books.
At 6:30am I'm woken by a call to my personal phone, it's the MD asking where the book is and why the analyst wasn't answering his phone... After many frantic calls and emails to the analyst, it turned out the analyst had managed to incorrectly transcribe the MDs address on the envelope of the books, and the books had been posted to house number 21, not 12...
MD went to the pitch without any books, they were subsequently emailed over, but somehow he secured the mandate. No repercussions for the analyst, he's still well regarded within that team too!
Another late night f*ck up story (Originally Posted: 12/11/2008)
I f*cked up one of my models late last night, and a few sr members of the deal team are en route to the client with my flawed model. It isn't slap-you-in-the-face obvious, but I have a feeling if it is noticed, I will be slapped in the face when my sr's get back. Its just one part of a piece of a model.
Do I call and point it out, or let fate run its course?
I hope you went to church last weekend boy! Seriously, unless the financials are the reason for the meeting to begin with, we rarely ever discuss them with clients in a face to face meeting as there are far better uses of the time. You really have two options:
1) Call and warn them so that they don't go into a detailed discussion with the client.
2) Wait and hope.
Neither are great options, but #2 is a lot more fun and suspenseful.
~~~~~~~~~~~ CompBanker
What was the error?
Brown_Bateman- last week you're asking what to do when job shadowing, this week you're giving people advice?
Arcanne- without getting too specific, say your comparing EBITDA multiples using different EBITDA's, so you've got a multiple for LTM, t+0, t+1, t+2. One of my EBITDAs was significantly higher/lower than what it should have been, which skewed my EV after being applied to the multiple.
I've come to face reality.... it will be noticed. But looking back, I don't see how I could have done anything different. There's no way I would have caught that mistake at midnight last night. And there was no way for me to intervene this morning, even if I got in at 6 am and checked my models and found the mistake.
Just gonna to have to take it on the chin.
Dude your bonus is gonna be miserable anyway who the f cares
The way I see it, if you call and admit you fucked up, you're screwed 100%. If you let it ride, you've got a chance of making out. Whether you feign ignorance or man-up, you don't get extra points in banking from my experience.
I'm with Game Theory on this one.
We're about to enter a Great Depression. Don't you want a president who's already dressed for it?
F'ing up an EBITDA multiple which skews your EV Ssunds like a pretty obvious mistake...call 'em and own up to it before its too late
Hey guys, I thought you get points by owning up early? At least people can know about it -- isn't the worst thing is to have clients catch the mistake?
@monkey147--in finance you never get points for anything. Ever. Not honesty, not ethics, anything. As a junior person your whole job is to just not piss anyone off, stay out of the way, and try to not get fired.
As another poster mentioned, if you admit the mistake then your MD will view this as a failure on your part. Doesn't matter if the client sees it or not. "You effed up, and we don't want people who make mistakes on our team."
Let it ride, and hope it doesn't get noticed. And if it does, look at the mistake, and admit you messed up (but certainly do not mention that you caught is hours before and were debating whether or not to tell them).
As GameTheory said, you have a 100% chance of getting screwed if you admit it ahead of time, and maybe a 75% chance of getting screwed if you shut up and hope no one notices it or cares.....
fuck it, don't tell them.
for all you little girls out there that's not the right interview answer by the way
Halberstram, your Asian escort has no idea what's coming her way tonight, does she?
i love the distinctly different opinions given by those with a star next to their names versus those who dont. im in no position to give my opinion but i can imagine the OP knows who to trust.
the people with stars aren't the only bankers on the site. in all honesty, the ones with stars are the ones who sometimes don't have the nuts to really tell it how it is which is why the site owner, patrick, likes them.
and for the record, i'll probably get banned from the site for that last comment so i'll just have to mask my IP address to create another user name (again) since the site started blocking my via IP address lately.
Why should you get banned for your post?
You are just expressing an opinion and that is what forums are for, banning you for that would be just wrong.
Or am I going to get banned for defending you as well?
IBNutz - congrats on masking your IP to create another username. obviously your need to let everyone hear your "straight-talk" has made you go to great lengths. Nothing you've said would even come close to getting you banned. i only ban complete trolls and usually after giving them (you) 2-3 chances.
One last thing - I don't "like" the Certified Users...they just happen to have enough ballz (unlike you) to prove that they work in the industry by sending me an e-mail from their work address(knowing that their confidentiality is safe).
keep trying, Patrick
IBnutz = angry troll
it's take a lot more than badmouthing patrick for him to ban you (i.e. spamming, incessant trolling).
i've been banned before. anyway... i wouldn't classify myself as an angry troll.... just a guy who is pissed at this market and probably going to lose my job. so in that respect i get annoyed at some of the idiots that post stupid shit on here or the clowns that post 2 day old news articles as if none of us already saw the post on dealbreaker.
OP... by the way... what happened when your MD came back from the meeting? seems like you would have said something if you got railed.
Ethics, team effort all that does not matter.
All they will be looking for is a reason to screw you on your bonus. this will certainly be one.
dont hand them the reason. let fate play its part. IB is a weird jungle, normal business laws do not apply. every man on his own, and watch your back for knife pricks.
I didn't perceive any indication that the mistake was noticed.
We get our bonus numbers in a few short days, and I saw the compensation committee convening... today was definitely not the day to embarrass my MD's in front of the client.
Seriously.
There you go: Lesson learned.
Wait it out!
These are relatively mild. How about emailing something sensitive to the wrong person because outlook autocompleted the wrong email address (XYZ.COM>[email protected] instead of [email protected]). Huge, huge mess, especially if there's non-public info about a company with a publicly traded security. (Which in IB, there almost always is). My "friend" did it once or twice.
A few years back at a really successful PWM shop we had just hired on a new analyst. He was trying his hardest to make a good impression his first week. Volunteering, asking anyone if they needed help, etc. Poor guy even spent his first days filing papers non-stop trying to be useful.
The advisor eventually got annoyed at him being a try-hard and told him to re-order all office supplies that need to be restocked and handed him his credit card. Half an hour later, we hear the analyst's phone slam with him saying in panic "Oh my god. I'm so fucked.. This can't be happening!". The whole floor looks at each other, wondering what could be so dramatic about ordering office supplies. The analyst quickly gets out of his chair and desperately interrupts the advisor's meeting with a client (a big no-no) and is told to go sort it himself. The guy goes back to his chair obviously distressed. We all wonder wtf just happened. The kid looks stressed for the rest of the week like someone is going to kill him.
Next Monday rolls around and the advisor walks into the office obviously pissed off. He angrily tells everyone to stop what they're doing. Everyone panics. He holds up a box of office supplies and yells "Who the fuck ordered office supplies to my house?!?!" as he throws one of the boxes into the ground.
Everyone looks at each other confused, wondering who could possibly be that stupid. Turns out the kid used the address attached to the advisor's credit card and not the office location when he ordered the supplies. He tried to cancel the order but it was too late. Kid lasted two weeks but the laughs have lasted years.
If you were on a PWM team a few years back, why is your name PWM Hopeful?
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That advisor sounds like an asshole. If you get that pissed off with having office supplies accidentally delivered to your home, you have issues.
My team was working on a sell side deal for what was a fairly crappy asset. Three bidders were invited into the final stage of the deal. The analyst from our team running the data room screwed up the privacy settings and all three parties were able to see each other in the dataroom.
Subsequently, and unbeknownst to us, the bidders then decided to have a meeting with each other and formed a consortium. So the MD had to go back to the client and tell them that we'd fucked up, and that the competitive bid process had turned into only one offer - which the consortium lowballed too. Suffices to say that the analyst got ripped to pieces.
This is truly a huge fuckup in my opinion. I'd fire him.
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