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Wall Street Oasis » Forums » I-Banking Bullpen
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The Sunlight Hurts My Eyes...
 

rufiolove's picture
rufiolove
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 3,218
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:00pm
sleeping_at_work.jpg

I want to start to bring back the douchey candor of LSO that we all know and love... Below is my morning, in the best Logan impression I can muster in my sleep deprived state... Hope you enjoy...

As I wake after a near all nighter, the bulk of which was wasted tweaking valuation ranges in pitch for a client whose acquisition prospects parallel the attractiveness of a rehab-era Lindsay Lohan, haphazardly casting aside the fleeting comfort of my graphic print, Marimekko sheets, I arrive at a very sobering and unfortunate realization—that the dream from which I have just been roused, was in fact merely a dream and that the only decidedly Finnish objects in my bed are in fact my sheets, and not, as I had hoped, a pair of blissfully content supermodels.

I pause for a few seconds to reflect on my new reality, and to enjoy the most tolerable portion of my wake-up routine, allowing the copasetic and altogether reassuring vocal genius of Borgore to serenade me into the begrudging acceptance that today is in fact happening and that I cannot delay getting ready for my inevitable servitude at the office any longer…

Decisions, but I want it all, so I get it all, I wanna eat the whole cake… I’m not sharin’, I’m not sharin’… you should have learned how to bake. Yes I want it all, so I get it all, I wanna eat the whole cake… I’m not sharin’, I’m not sharin’, you should have learned Bitches Love Cake…

As the bass wobble and synth melody arrive perfectly after a well-timed build up to the drop, I reluctantly silence my phone, grab my towel and proceed to the shower, singing the chorus under my breath, happily, though woefully out-of-key.
After thumbing my way past various hues of blue and boring but reliably crisp white shirts, I finally decide on subdued lavender gingham to accompany the mundane regularity of my charcoal suit… it’s only a Tuesday but I’m feeling adventurous, so fuck it. I tie a careless four-in-hand, step into my loafers, and make my way thru my living room, reminiscing of the days when I used to spend a bit of quality morning time with Joe Kernen and company before cheerily making my way to the office, bright-eyed and naively optimistic.

As I make my way to the door, I reluctantly stop to grab my berry from the end table, and acknowledge the marginal improvement from the not-too-distant horrors of my first year when I used to sleep with it underneath my pillow… the sheets then were lower thread count and still noticeably devoid of Finnish supermodels, but hey, I’m a glass half full kind of guy—time to check the damage and see what vengeance has been doled out in the three and a half hours since I departed the office, as if in poetic punitive response to the additional 45 minutes of snoozing I have so selfishly enjoyed. Keying in the unimaginative password of “banker5,” yields an un-alarming 14 unread messages, and a delightful respite from the anticipated anguish absolves me momentarily of all worry.

I elect to take the stairs rather than the elevator (I’m no saint… the walk from the 4th floor isn’t nearly enough activity to warrant even deluded self affirmation given the seamless-fueled war I have waged on my crumbling physique over the past week). Passing Fred, my ever reliable and cheerful doorman, I receive a genuine ”Have a great day, boss! Man, I love that guy… with a job as unapologetically unpredictable as mine, constants are an absolute necessity.

I respond with a sincere “Freddie! My, man… You do the same! ” making a mental note that I want to tip him even better next year, regardless of the fact that he rarely, if ever, opens the door for me.
Casually strolling out of my complex, I recheck my berry, hoping to find only harmless mergermarket updates or internal blasts. Instead, panic sets in as I read the terrifying words,

Client seeking new alternatives. Deep dives on non-core assets requested. Let’s chat ASAP.

My faith in humanity, so delicately restored mere moments ago thru my happy exchange with Freddie has been replaced… first with earnest denial, then soul crushing despair, finally culminating in seething rage. I contemplate the joyful ignorance shared by my two roommates, graciously saved from the tumultuous rollercoaster of emotions that composes my daily routine, and posit that my day has likely peaked… It’s only 9:37am…

”Nah… who am I kidding…” I take a moment to remind myself that while the past two years have been excruciating, playing host to some of the highest highs and lowest lows, that in just a few short months it will all be over and that a new chapter will commence.

I laugh a bit to keep from crying, then recall the acute wit, unapologetic self-indulgence, and charming arrogance of Logan, the perma-douche banker archetype so eloquently created in one of my guiltiest of pleasures, Leveraged Sell Out. My thoughts turn to the promise of a better tomorrow, ignoring temporarily just how naïve are my notions that life on the buy side will be better.

I pop in my ear buds, cue up some Modestep, and life begins to look just a little bit brighter…

Put on those shades and wave to yesterday, the sunlight hurts my eyes…

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers "Licensed to Ill It" We all know Bro J did it...
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Tags:
  • Logan
  • leveraged sellout
  • day in the life
  • Damn it feels good to be a banker
  • I-Banking Bullpen
BTbanker's picture

(No subject)

BTbanker
      IB
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,331
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 3:03pm

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

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Kassad's picture

Wow. That was... really good

Kassad
      IB
 
(King Kong, 1,191
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 4:04pm

Wow. That was... really good lol. +1.

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WallStreetOasis.com's picture

...brought me back...thanks i

WallStreetOasis.com
      EN
 
 
(Human, 12,051
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 4:54pm

...brought me back...thanks i guess? :-)

WSO Conference 2013

Private Certified User Chat

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kyleyboy's picture

Beautiful writing style.

kyleyboy
      HF
 
(Gorilla, 740
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:06pm

Beautiful writing style. Really loved it. Keep doin' it

I help people with the tough situation of not knowing how to respond to emails.

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skylinegtr94's picture

slow clap.

skylinegtr94
      IB
 
 
(Senior Baboon, 200
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:31pm

slow clap.

See my WSO blog

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LevFun's picture

Definitely a solid piece man

LevFun
      IB
 
(Monkey, 51
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:35pm

Definitely a solid piece man

"Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game." - Donald Trump

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rufiolove's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: ...broug

rufiolove
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 3,218
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:37pm
WallStreetOasis.com:

...brought me back...thanks i guess? :-)

Haha... I can't wait to get to where you are right now... I know you don't miss it... well, at least not days like the above haha

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers
"Licensed to Ill It"
We all know Bro J did it...

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Working9-5's picture

Haha. Saw a few guys in the

Working9-5
      ST
 
(Gorilla, 613
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 5:57pm

Haha. Saw a few guys in the IBD that were on their second all nighter this week when I left the office. So glad it isn't me. haha

CNBC sucks

"This financial crisis is worse than a divorce. I've lost all my money, but the wife is still here." - Client after getting blown up

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DontMakeMeShortYou's picture

On the one hand: great

DontMakeMeShortYou
      HF
 
 
(King Kong, 1,900
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 6:04pm

On the one hand: great post
On the other: I'm now reminiscing about banking. Curling up in a corner in t-minus...

See my WSO Blog

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WallStreetOasis.com's picture

rufiolove: WallStreetOasis.

WallStreetOasis.com
      EN
 
 
(Human, 12,051
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 6:11pm
rufiolove:
WallStreetOasis.com:

...brought me back...thanks i guess? :-)

Haha... I can't wait to get to where you are right now... I know you don't miss it... well, at least not days like the above haha

No, I don't...although you do get to understand yourself a bit more when you are pushed that hard. I remember walking home many nights at 4am...sometimes if you were getting home after a "weekend allnighter" - like 5am on a Sat or 4am on a Sunday, the streets would be deserted except for an occassional bum (i lived in midtown to be close to the office).

I remember thinking "what the hell am I doing" and "where am i?" It's pretty eery in a city of ~10mil to be right in the heart of it and walking home with almost nobody around (except maybe the crazy man in your head that is screaming because you've been worked to a level of exhaustion you didn't know was possible)...

fun times, fun times.

WSO Conference 2013

Private Certified User Chat

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rufiolove's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: I

rufiolove
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 3,218
 
Points)
 on 2/19/13 at 6:37pm
WallStreetOasis.com:

I remember thinking "what the hell am I doing" and "where am i?" It's pretty eery in a city of ~10mil to be right in the heart of it and walking home with almost nobody around (except maybe the crazy man in your head that is screaming because you've been worked to a level of exhaustion you didn't know was possible)...

fun times, fun times.

Haha... This times a thousand...

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers
"Licensed to Ill It"
We all know Bro J did it...

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poodles's picture

flawless delivery, screw

poodles
      O
 
(Monkey, 38
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 12:50am

flawless delivery, screw banking.. write a novel

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AnalystMonkey2769's picture

Now i'm scared to start in

AnalystMonkey2769
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 502
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 2:10am

Now i'm scared to start in July lolll but all BS aside, this was a very well written and beautiful piece of a terrible morning. Well done.

I don't throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things. Read Sun-tzu, The Art of War. Every battle is won before it is ever fought- GG

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link's picture

Is it a problem that I am

link
     
 
(Senior Chimp, 22
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 9:56am

Is it a problem that I am looking forward for the days when I will be in that position?

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DontMakeMeShortYou's picture

RoberthRibeiroGarcia: Is it a

DontMakeMeShortYou
      HF
 
 
(King Kong, 1,900
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 9:57am
RoberthRibeiroGarcia:

Is it a problem that I am looking forward for the days when I will be in that position?

That won't last long. Let's see how you're holding up a year in.

See my WSO Blog

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FeelingMean's picture

Loved reading this... I hope

FeelingMean
      VC
 
(Gorilla, 650
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 10:21am
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"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

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design's picture

RoberthRibeiroGarcia: Is it a

design
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 643
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 12:41pm
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WalMartShopper's picture

lolochaust BTbanker:

WalMartShopper
     
 
(Senior Gorilla, 889
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 6:34pm

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

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NickHatanaka's picture

rudy...rudy...rudy...

NickHatanaka
      HF
 
(Chimp, 11
 
Points)
 on 2/20/13 at 7:03pm
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rufiolove's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?

rufiolove
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 3,218
 
Points)
 on 2/23/13 at 3:26pm

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers
"Licensed to Ill It"
We all know Bro J did it...

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kyleyboy's picture

rufiolove: http://www.youtube

kyleyboy
      HF
 
(Gorilla, 740
 
Points)
 on 2/23/13 at 3:57pm

I help people with the tough situation of not knowing how to respond to emails.

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BlackHat's picture

This makes me mad that LSO is

BlackHat
      HF
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 4,942
 
Points)
 on 2/23/13 at 3:50pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

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Use Policy: When the Company gathers personal information from users, we ask for permission first. We also disclose, at the time of collection, how the information will be used by us. Personal information is used for activities such as auto-completion of commonly-used forms and helping us contact you when you solicit information from us.

Disclosure Policy: We do not normally disclose personal information to anyone outside of the Company unless we have previously informed users about the disclosures. However, some data may be used from time to time by outside contractors, including auditors or consultants, to assist us in carrying out necessary financial or operational activities. These uses will be consistent with this privacy policy and all contractors using this potential personal information must agree to safeguard it, to use it only for the authorized purpose, and to return it or destroy it upon completion of the activity.

The Company might be required to disclose personal information in response to a valid legal process such as a subpoena, search warrant or court order.

Although unlikely, it is possible that we may have to make certain disclosures to ensure the security of our Web site, to protect its integrity, or to take precautions against potential liability. In any of these situations, we will take any reasonable steps to limit the scope of the data disclosed.

Web Logs: The Company maintains standard Web logs that record basic information about visitors to our Web site. These logs contain: * The Internet domain from which you came to our Web site. * Your IP address. An IP address is a series of numbers which uniquely identifies your connection to the Internet. Although it is possible in some instances, certain types of IP addresses may be used by interested persons to identify users but we do not attempt to identify users in this way. * The type of browser (e.g., Internet Explorer or Netscape) and operating system (e.g., Windows 98) you use. * The date and time you visited the site, and the pages you saw.

We use Web log information to design our Web site, identify popular features, and in similar ways. We do not try to identify individuals from Web logs or to link Web logs to other user information. However, if someone tries to damage our Web site or use it in an unauthorized or illegal way, we may share Web log information with law enforcement agencies. The Company may provide aggregate information such as the number of users who visit particular pages of the site, or the number of people who link to certain external sites from our site, to other parties.

Changes to Privacy Policy

The Company's features and services will change over time and our information-gathering practices and policies may also change.

While our philosophy of protecting user information from inappropriate uses and disclosures will not change, this policy will be updated occasionally to include any change that materially affects the collection, maintenance, use, or disclosure of personal information.

Forum Topics

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  • Guys, I am trying as hard as I can to break into I-Banking or a hedge fund and I am having much difficulty. If anyone can look at my resume and give me suggestions I would be very grateful. I am so close to giving up but I am not going to stop until I get hired. My experience at the investment...
    Please Destroy My resume, I'm begging you.
  • Celine Luggage Totes is really a help to make think should you purchased out of your personal you’re hawking about the road. You need to read the details from the handbag completely just before it might be. Stitching is actually a unforgiving common area to look at Celine Luggage Totes online...
    In the real Celine shop
  • Hi ya'll, NYT yesterday posted an article regarding YHOO's acquisition of Tumblr. For those of you who haven't read the article, here's the link: ...
    Tumblr acquired by YHOO. Good idea?
  • Hey guys, So asking this question with a couple of upfront assumptions 1) That it is looked upon more favourably by ad comms for a candidate to really get involved in one charity/cause/community rather than to have been involved very slightly in several. 2) That for time-poor candidates...
    How did you find your extra-curricular 'cause' or 'passion'?
  • Right now, I'm 20 and I have about $20k to my name. It's all sitting in a checking account with no fees. I pay for things with a debit card. I want to start a credit card to build my credit history. I also recently opened a low-fee brokerage account and wanted to put most of my cash...
    Personal Finance: Credit/Debit Card, Checking/Savings Account, Index Fund
  • For reasons I can't go into because of privacy, I am an undergrad majoring in political science. However, I recently discovered that I enjoy finance and economics (yes I know vague but I don't want to divulge too much). Anyways, since I'm already a third year and only got interested...
    What are my best options (aka how badly did I screw up)?
  • Thought I'd fill WSO in on some of the 2013 CMC Master's placement: Bank of America Merrill Lynch - Investment Banking Analyst, New York, NY Cowen & Co. - Investment Banking Analyst, San Francisco, CA Fred Alger Asset Management - Equity Research Associate - New York,...
    2013 CMC Master's Placement
  • The predicament that I am in is that I am 21 and in community college but I feel like I am behind in life I wanted to be in a university by now and preparing for law school but plans did not go according. I will be applying for colleges this fall 2013 but I am afraid that I will not get into...
    Hello I'm 21 and still in community college
  • I come from a small town where nobody had ever heard of consulting or IB. I was fortunate enough to attend a top target college (a good Ivy) and land a gig in IB at a BB/EB. I'm starting full time this summer. I've noticed that my personality has changed a lot since high school. Over...
    Finance Personality
  • Hello WSO, This is probably a silly post so I apologize in advance. I am a long way to worry about MBA admissions (roughly 5 yrs), but considering that I recently graduated from a non-target, I would like to make sure that I do the most to improve my chances for a top 25 MBA program. So...
    Recent College Graduate (Non-target) Hoping for Some Advice on MBAs
  • Just a silly trend because I’m bored in an airport. If you can chose anyone to be your mentor who would you choose? It can be someone you meet or not. For me it’s Anwar Zakkour vice chairman from JP Morgan, I’m really into tech and m&a so he is an easy choose for me. Meet him once...
    Mentors
  • With the great acceleration of WSO Certified Users has come an awesome collection of interviews, general Q&As and AMAs that we have compiled into 1 place. If you hover over the FAQ menu above and click "Best Interviews", you will find an awesome array of Q&As from some of WSOs...
    Best Q&As and Interviews on WSO
  • To those who used to (or are currently) working at JPM Private Banking: could you answer these questions? 1. Is it true that gaining the promotion from analyst to associate (by your third year) is extremely difficult? I've gotten mixed reviews on this - some say to those who choose to...
    The truth behind JPM Private Banking.
  • I have a few questions about my business files/filings and dealings that I need a VC specializing in digital media, digital distribution, (social media?), and/or related sectors to consult me on. Just message me here, identify your firm, speciality, (and yourself if possible) so I know...
    VC's - Consult Me
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Upcoming Events

  • Advanced M&A Accounting & Tax Topics Webcast (Live)
    May 21 2013 - 6:00pm - 9:00pm
  • Boston WSO Happy Hour - Wed May 22nd, 6PM
    May 22 2013 - 6:00pm - 8:00pm
  • Financial and Valuation Modeling Boot Camp (Dallas)
    May 23 2013 - 8:00am - May 25 2013 - 5:00pm
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Highest Ranked Content

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I used to work with a guy that had everything on the surface, but absolutely nothing inside. The guy was 6 feet tall, good-looking, charismatic, multi-lingual, graduated from a top business school, and had made MD at a bulge bracket investment bank. Yet he couldn’t remember the last time he...
How to Develop a Personality
<em>Mod note (Andy): we vetted this user to confirm his identity/status and yes in fact he is who he says he is, and is eager to answer your questions :)</em> Bio: I decided to join WSO to help both students and young professionals advance in their Finance careers, whether that be...
I'm an MD and I run the Sales division: Ask Me Anything
For better or for worse, there’s a very unique feeling when everything goes completely according to plan yet nobody seems to care or notice. Such is the case with our favorite company of the moment, Tesla Motors. For those unaware, TSLA has rocketed upwards since its Q1 earnings release,...
A Perfect Storm
I'm currently a Private Equity Analyst in Shanghai, China. Academically, I graduated from a target school majoring in Economics and Chinese. I also spent my time at college as the president of an on-campus student organization related to Finance and Economics and a volunteer for a local...
Ask me anything… I'm a Private Equity Analyst in Shanghai
Inspired by comments from this: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/basic-guide-ramping-up-on-a-company-with-public-information-part-1-of-3 Lets just jump in. <strong>Technology:</strong> In this space there are really two metrics that matter the most, sales growth and EPS...
Beginners Guide to Valuation and Metrics By Sector
You've just gotten that promotion and now you're in charge of a small team. Congratulations! And welcome to middle management. All the hard work and the knowledge you've developed about everything your firm does these past few years has been noticed. But, now you have a small...
7 Things I've Learned About Being A Manager
Assuming that you have access to no financial products such as FactSet, Bloomberg, CapitalIQ, Thomson or otherwise, thought it would be helpful to give a step by step guide on how to ramp up on a new company from your home computer. Using FaceBook as an example. Lets go ahead and start with the...
Basic Guide Ramping Up On A Company With Public Information (Part 1 of 3)
Fellow Primates, We are looking for 1-2 students on each campus to help WSO in its sales efforts to student clubs/career centers, and overall promotion at your school both online and on the ground. Below is a description of the position and benefits...thanks in advance for your help! <a...
WSO is Looking for Campus Reps For Summer/Fall 2013 (and beyond)
<em>“You know, In The Flesh,”</em> a WSO monkey told me at a recent Happy Hour, <em>“that gentleman’s book is the real deal. I ordered that shit on Amazon as soon as I read your review. It’s so right, man. I want to be like that: keep my word, honor my commitments, be...
Being A Gentleman, Revisited
<em>Mod Note: This is a syndication from Jared's Daily Dirtnap daily market newsletter. WSO readers qualify for a $100 discount...just email [email protected] and mention "WSO Monkey Discount" You can follow Jared on twitter at @dailydirtnap</em> There I go...
In Praise Of High Interest Rates
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