WHY BOTHER BEING GOOD?
Everyday the newspaper tells the same depressing stories. Youth crime, corporate tax-avoidance, dishonest lawyers, selfish bankers, mass genocide, needless wars, countless violent acts of extreme hatred, rape, oppression and corruption, right down to the cheating footballer’s wife, as told in the lying gossip magazine.
I don’t read the tabloids too much. I’ve come to realise that when people hear over and over, day after day, about bad things, it seems that they start to think that they are justified in being a little less noble themselves. ‘That’s just the world we live in’ – ‘everyone’s taking drugs’, ‘everyone cheats’, ‘everyone gossips’. The media makes celebrities of the worst of us, and subsequently, over time, people feel excused to drift into moral grey areas, asking ‘Why bother being good when everyone else is bad?’. Well if we can’t answer that question, we’re heading for a very dark world indeed, and so that’s the question I want to answer in this article. Why bother being good?
I’ve asked myself this question before in the darkest hours. Of course, like everyone, bad things have happened to me in my life. I’ve been mugged twice, burgled twice, and had a gun to my head in Rio. My dad died when I was 15, I’ve had 2 cheating ex-girlfriends and one gold-digger (even though I didn’t have any gold at the time!). I’ve broken bones, had 3 near death experiences, in a car, on a motorbike and on a jet-ski, and I’ve been let down and lied to more than I’d like to admit. But hey, everyone has a few sob stories!
You see that’s the thing. Bad things happen to everyone. The world is tough and fucks ups will occur. So what do you do? Do you crumble? Do you use these events to justify doing things that you know you shouldn’t? Do you get your own back on the world? We live in a culture of endless blame and vengeance, which might suggest that any of these reactions are righteous or at least justified, but I propose a different idea. I propose being the change.
You don’t play the victim, you don’t look for excuses, you don’t lose your self-respect. The reason is simple. You see, self-respect is the single greatest commodity a person can own. With it, you can take on any challenge, bounce back from any fall, make everything go right. You know that you deserve the best, so go out and you get it! You don’t shy away from opportunities, you make them! You don’t run away from love, you embrace it and make more! Suddenly you stop being the effect, and start being the cause over your life; you have control!! You know who you are, you know where you’re going, and you can say this with certainty because you know that when you make a decision, you stick to it and see it through.
So how do you get self-respect?From being good comes self-respect, from self-respect comes self-confidence, from self-confidence comes self-determinism (i.e. control), and from self-determinism comes getting exactly what you want out of life. This is the only road to real happiness. I say it again, self-respect really is the only road to real happiness!
You keep your ethics, because that’s the one thing that separates you from the worst in humanity. You lead by example. You stay unequivocally true to what you know. Irrespective of whatever anybody else says or does, irrespective to how hard or easy it is, you stand unwavering, on the right path. That’s character. It doesn’t allow for excuses, justifications, reasons. There are no limits, integrity has no compromise. You have to cultivate love in your heart in order to see and feel anything worthwhile in this world. Love, truly, is without pre-requisites or prejudice, without terms and conditions, without negotiation. It’s easy to love when you keep to your ethics, because you feel like a good person worthy of love and are therefore full of it.
How do you become good? You just decide. You stand up, you say I am a good person and I will not let anything change that. And you really mean it! You say that with the same certainty you say that the grass is green and the sky is blue.
It’s an easy decision to make because we are all inherently good. Being good therefore doesn’t mean carrying this heavy weight of morality, it’s actually you shedding the weight of the guilt and negativity and bullshit you’ve been carrying around and growing on your back for no reason all these years.
Chose to be someone worthy of your pride, respect and admiration, and you will flourish and prosper. That is why you should be good, and that’s how we make a happier world. Walk with passion in your heart and your head held high.
My love, always,
Stephen
www.facebook.com/stephenridley.official
www.twitter.com/thisisridley
Why bother? Because you have to live with yourself.
Honestly though, if it comes down to kill or be killed, self respect goes out the window. I'm here to survive and thrive, and winning isn't everything to me. IT'S THE ONLY THING.
Your thought process reminds me of Chuck Palahniuks
if i lived my life based on what other assholes did i wouldn't get shit done
You know it's funny all we ever hear about is negativity... rape, racism, genocide, economy sucks, et cetera. However, and I don't know about you, but I see hardly see any of this in real life. In the morning when I stop at the gas station heading in to work I'm always greeted by a sweet middle aged lady behind the counter. She always small talk and I've never see without a smile. I found out a couple of months ago that she is a single mother of 3 who works two jobs to support her family. Her appearance is no different than some of the people you see on the evening news but she is one of the most positive people I have ever seen. When I arrive at work I always say hello to our secretary in the front of the building and the same thing with her. When I leave for the day the garage attendant, an indian who recently immigrated, wishes me a good evening (once again smiling). I think of how hard it must be for him adapting to a new country and working a not so glamorous job, but you could never tell if it bothered him. Making small talk, being friendly and supporting your family may not be newsworthy and that's a shame. I think we all to often overlook these little things in the grand scheme of things and focus on the negativity presented to us which is just too bad.
Exactly. And it goes both ways. If anyone takes 2 minutes to talk with them, you can see that they have burning dreams and goals like us whether that is putting their kids through college or saving to buy a gift for their brother etc.
totally agree with you. good point.
I don't disagree with your sentiment!!! However, do you think you might have overused the exclamation point in this post?!!!!
This could be a conspiracy theory but it seems negativity is brewed by mainstream media, under the eye of the government to keep people scared. I have traveled to countries in which those people are supposed to hate Americans. What I found is they have been the friendliest most welcoming people I have ever met. It has been said the opposite as well, that I as an American is not who they expected. There are two television programs that clearly demonstrate the world is a good place, The Long Way Down and The Long Way Round.
I actually don't believe that all mankind is inherently good, but I fully agree with the rest of what you said, particularly the chain of goodness or morality all the way to obtaining success in life:
I think that the reason certain people succeed is because they are the living aberration to the evil of this world; by the uniqueness of their goodness and the charisma it generates, they enjoy untold success simply for the rarity of that trait within them.Stephen...Covey? Is that you? Seriously though, good post. So many people struggle with the victim mentality and don't even realize they have the choice to think differently. This leads to people behaving like they have no choice but lie, cheat, and steal to get what they want, which just ends up screwing them over and perpetuates the cycle all over again.
The world we live in is too small to be an asshole. It doesn't take much to be nice: talk to that undergrad who cold emails you, help somebody else with a project/model, leave good tips, etc.
It might be beneficial, it might not. But the downside to being a decent person is small, and the upside is potentially huge. The reverse is true for being a jerk. Mitt Romney might have been president if he was more courteous to a bartender.
Much needed inspiration - especially on a Tuesday morning
Game of Thrones - lie, cheat, steal, and whore.
yeah, this is how the real world functions. Note: the top tier of the real world. I've started telling myself a number of times: if you don't excel in this world, don't panic, this world is not that good for you to achieve. Just try your best to see if you can play with them.
True.
Great post, thank you for sharing
I never bothered to be "good". All I try is to be MYSELF. There are a ton of "good" or "bad" people. There is only one ME.
What in the world is wrong with you ? Hippies man.
Basing your judgment of humanity's prudence on the flavor of media sentiment is just about the most flawed method I can imagine.
My basic takeaway from reading the news is that most people feel a great deal better about themselves when they are given reason to believe that a large cross-section of the population is evil / bad / greedy / shady / etc. Don't believe any of this hype.
The prudence of people is the same all over. As the law of large numbers dictates, the average "goodness" regresses towards the mean as the sample size increases. You are not a special snowflake. Anyone who tells you that you are good and millions of other people are evil is surely trying to swindle you. Ever wonder why you have to pay for that newspaper subscription?
Where's ManBearPig when you need him?
I love the place I'm from but I hate the people in charge
Stephen, I just wanted to say that I'm a fan of your music and that I recently bought your music. Thank you for bringing your talent and art into this world.
Like music, why can't we all just be good? Because people suck that's why. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated and you're one step closer to being a better person. It's that simple. But sometimes, there are those who are unfortunate and don't even realize it when they are doing things that bother other people. And I feel sorry for them because they have to go through an extra learning and reflecting process to overcome these traits that were not properly molded by their parents, environment, or siblings while growing up. That may be harsh, but I am a firm believer that everyone starts out as a clean slate and that it's the parents, environment that you grow up in, and the people you surround yourself with that shape your personality, behaviors, habits, and thinking process.
So why bother being good? Because it's the right thing to do morally, whether you agree or not.
No offense, man, but this kind of self-righteousness just puts a bad taste in my mouth. This is pure condescension.
Yeah, I kind of had a feeling it would come off that way after re-reading what I wrote. I apologize for sounding that way; it's not what I was going for. See, now this is something that I need to work on.
in the end, everyone meets the same fate. if you're happy with how you lived your life, then that's all that matters.
this article: don't be bad, be good.
real world: do what you need to do.
I just do whatever makes me happy. Nihilism kind of sucks, but it's also kind of liberating.
Wow.
Glad you got that off of your chest. Next week, same time?
-Your therapist
because i don't want to burn in hell...
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