Would I be stupid to not try to use my stepfather as a connection for IB?
I debated whether I would post this topic, considering it is quite unusual and I thought I could figure it out on my own.
My background: I am a junior at a target school with a decent/good gpa interested in investment banking. I interned at a well-known hedge fund last summer and a regional boutique this past summer. First I was interested in sales and trading, but now I'm thinking M&A. I am also on a division 1 sports team.
Situation: My stepfather is an MD for a bulge bracket bank. Aside from all the emotional bullshit, he left the fam when I was 16 and was basically mia for a year aside from a few random emails to my mother. Turned out he was having an affair and was living in Boston. To sum it up: haven't really made the effort to talk to they guy for 2-3 years, and I would say we aren't on good terms.
Unfortunately, he has some strings he could pull, and maybe I should use that to my advantage. However, I think it would be much more satisfying doing it on my own. Who knows, he might not be that willing to help out in the first place considering our relationship.
What do you guys think? Sorry if this post isn't relevant, just need some help before recruiting season starts.
Totally do it.
What have you got to lose? I prob wouldn't tell your mother though. ;-)
Don't try and suck to him, but don't be a dick either. Just tell it how it is "Hey X, I want to break into the industry, can you help me?"
i'll second this one
if you can do it on your own, do it on your own. if not, reconsider.
Go for it...why not?
Agreed, he fucked your family over, unless you crashed his Mazzeratti in HS and got in a "you're not my dad!!" shouting match just drop him an email. Sounds like you've got the stats to do it on your own but he could probably push your resume through. My sis's husband walked out on her and their daughter last year so I can empathize. Good luck man and sorry this bastard did what he did.
In most circumstances I would agree with everyone who says use him as a contact. In this case I disagree. If I were in your shoes I don't think I could look at myself in the mirror if I used him as a way to break in. It's a matter of pride. The guy walked out on you and your mom. Fuck him. You can do this on your own with those stats. You don't need his help (and you don't want to feel like you owe him anything either).
agreed.
To borrow from Pulp Fiction...
"...You might feel a slight sting. That's pride fuing with you. Fu pride! Pride only hurts . . . it never helps. You fight through that shit 'cause a year from now, when you kickin' it in BanKing, you gonna say to yourself, "[those WSO guys were] right."
Tough call. If it were me, it's a last resort. If I had decent chances w/o him, I'd avoid it. Cause if I do get the job through the guy, I wouldn't want him to lord it over me during my entire analyst stint. But if you're not confident on your chances, I'd swallow up pride and just know that I'm in it for 1-3 yrs and I'm out.
Good point!!!
Nick,
Sounds to me like he's ripe for a favor picking.
Or you can go the Machiavellian route and sidle up to the guy and crush with fist later down the line.
Either way, pieces of shit are abundant. Sooner or later you'll deal with bigger dicks. Putting emotions on the sideline and making the smart play is a big factor in any successful guy's formula. Make the call.
What is wrong with you people that said yes... how cheap is your pride?
Seriously it is a freaken job!
That depends, did he touch you?
To answer your question as worded, you would not be "stupid" at all if you didnt use him. In fact, I would tend to agree with those saying not to use him, but that's just me and I don't know the exact situation. Whether you do or not depends on your personal situation-exactly how the relationship is, feelings involved, how bad you want banking, whether you need the help or not, etc. Bottom line is you just have to go with your gut on this one, either decision is justifiable. Also, I would consider talking to your mom about it since she will understand the situation and be looking out for you at the same time. Again, not an easy decision and depends on your relationship, the situation, etc, but worth thinking about.
If it makes you feel any better, your resume is definitely better than mine, even without the help.
I think the best course of action is as follows: Go through SA recruiting season without his help during December, January, and February to see what you can bag for yourself. If you're not satisfied with what you can do by yourself, then call him up in March. If he really does have strings he can pull, March won't be too late to pull them.
I'm with SAC and nelly0.
Let me ask you this, if you had to ask your mom to call him and ask him to help you, is that something you would make her do just for your shitty little career?
Get some fuckin self respect. This man put his thumb in your mom's ass and you're going to smell his finger.
trim his ball sack hair if u have to as long as you get that goldman sachs internship
x
I wouldn't contact him if my only other option was a manager-in-training program at your local Starbucks. Fuck that guy.
Do it, I come from a slightly similar situation and the way I see it is he owes you.
Unless of course you have to go through your Mom to get to him, in that case no.
In this situation you're using him.
It's a totally selfish act, so go for it. He may have been a douche but remember you're not doing him a favor. There isn't , in my opinion, any matter of swallowing pride, you're getting yourself ahead using someone who owes you.
Of course he's using him, that's the problem. You don't want to have a moment of reflection in the shower one day before work, and realize that your current position in life was earned through a fuck.
Look at his stats...he's more than capable of earning a position himself as long as he's socially comfortable in his interviews. Plays sports, so I doubt that's going to be an issue.
personally if i got the job though him i wouldn't think i had got a job through a fuck. i would think that i got given the opportunity by a fuck, he didn't get me the job, i interviewed well, i was good enough on paper and i haven't fucked anything up yet. it's my job.
if you got given a great opportunity by a renowned fuck you'd take it. forget about the fuck and move on. or that may just be me....
VanBuren is a prideful guy, I like that. I say the same thing.
Don't do it. Gotta trust me on this, as I was once in a similar position. If he helps you, you WILL later regret it, it's disrepectful to your mother, and then he'll feel like you owe him.
Do it on your own and you will NEVER regret it. Based on your current quals, you'll have no problem getting a good job.
This is a tough one. A great deal of being successful in life is utilizing your contacts and pulling favors to help you progress. The concept of "earning it" loses its luster really quickly once you start working. If you're confident this guy could be the difference between a great career start and something else, you ought to give it some serious consideration.
Maybe I should re-state what I said. It's not a matter of pride, it's a matter of self-respect. I'd have no self-respect left if I did use him to break in. While it's true you will have to deal with and ask favors of real dickheads at some point in your career this is different. This is personal. For me personally, I'd regret it too much later in life I'm sure.
Your stepdad is an asshole MD or not. You seem like a smart guy, if you can achieve what you've done already, then i don't see why getting an IB job should be an issue.
Good luck.
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