5/14/13

I used to work with a guy that had everything on the surface, but absolutely nothing inside. The guy was 6 feet tall, good-looking, charismatic, multi-lingual, graduated from a top business school, and had made MD at a bulge bracket investment bank. Yet he couldn't remember the last time he had a conversation that didn't involve work because the last 20 years of his life had been a soulless and indiscernible continuum of "yes sir", number crunching, and small talk. He was definitely in a mid-life crisis, and it got to the point where I was telling him how to live his life despite being half his age . This man, my friends, was once a human being. What happened?

Here's what happens in non-transparent corporate environments. Everyone starts drinking the Kool-Aid and pretends that wherever they are is the best place in the world, even if all of the evidence proves otherwise. What follows is a slippery slope of sycophancy, buzzwords and pre-packaged opinions that produces employees so afraid of offending management that they stop expressing themselves completely. I get that having a cheerful disposition helps in life but what's scary is when the individual becomes a permanent "social chameleon" and forgets who they originally were. They spend too much time making a good impression and eventually became stuck in that impression.

Look, I'm not saying defy society and live in some tree-house taking sponge baths while "not caring what people think", because that's just bad advice. We all do what we have to do- I mopped floors in high school, I did so "just for the money", and there wasn't a whole lot of creative self-expression in that job.

I am, however, saying that the corporate environment can be an intensely dehumanizing process and if you're not careful you will slowly lose your personality. So leave the work at the office. Here are a couple of steps you can develop hobbies, regain your life, and become a human being again!

  1. Find a hobby - locate a space where your self-worth is disassociated with your social status. Find a space where people don't give a rat's ass about what you do for a living, place where people just don't give a ****. A place where social stratification does not exist, and where you can't use your job as a conversational crutch. I'm getting into bouldering (rope-less rock climbing) these days, as well as launching a blog on the side.
  2. Plan your weekends - As sad as it is, no one is entitled to a personality these days. You're going to have to work for it. Most people are still stuck in the Matrix thinking that working hard alone solves all of life's problems and that "things will just work out" if you put in your time at the office. Um, no. Plan an activity, invite some friends, and if everyone's "tired", make it happen anyways and find new friends there. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
  3. Find an outlet for ownership - Create something that's yours, something that you're proud of, something that allows you to feel like the boss, if even for an hour a day. You'll be surprised what you can do when there are no judges around. It could be a blog, a diary, a painting, a film. It just needs to be yours.
  4. Volunteer: Find a cause that you actually believe in. What pisses you off? What causes would you contribute to if you were a billionaire that didn't have to worry about money? Can you do that now? So why aren't you?
  5. Watch this video: This kid is half everyone's age, with twice the swagger. I could learn more from this kid than most of the "adults" I've worked for. Most guys I know can't hold a conversation with a girl without pregaming; watch what this kid is up to:

Have a good weekend guys.

Comments (54)

5/3/13

After reading the title, I thought this was going to be a thread by some college kid trying to develop a personality for recruiting or something. Surprised to see a pretty insightful post with decent advice.

5/3/13

stvr2013:

After reading the title, I thought this was going to be a thread by some college kid trying to develop a personality for recruiting or something. Surprised to see a pretty insightful post with decent advice.

Exactly my thoughts.

adapt or die:
What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

MY BLOG

5/3/13

stvr2013:

After reading the title, I thought this was going to be a thread by some college kid trying to develop a personality for recruiting or something. Surprised to see a pretty insightful post with decent advice.

Same. I was getting ready to be epically trolled.

Please don't quote Patrick Bateman.

5/3/13

I think I'll change the title. Thanks for reading.

5/3/13

That kid is fucking hilarious

5/3/13

People tend to forget one thing:

The reason you work is because you lack capital. So you develop a skill and offer it to someone who have the capital you lack (i.e. employer). You get paid, invest that money, so that eventually you do not have to work.

Cut the BS with the personality non sense and get to work.

5/3/13

companion:

People tend to forget one thing:

The reason you work is because you lack capital. So you develop a skill and offer it to someone who have the capital you lack (i.e. employer). You get paid, invest that money, so that eventually you do not have to work.

Cut the BS with the personality non sense and get to work.

God you are such a fucking moron. Let me guess-you currently work for someone else?

For one, he specifically noted that this was a guide to be used IN CONJUNCTION with working to pay the bills (note: the spongebath part, weekends). I would say read the post again, but given that you don't even know how to use English in your comment, I would just say the following- don't procreate.

On second thought, disregard everything I said and keep thinking the way you do. I'm eventually going to start a business at some point and will need automatrons to staff the back office.

5/3/13

Culcet:

companion:

People tend to forget one thing:

The reason you work is because you lack capital. So you develop a skill and offer it to someone who have the capital you lack (i.e. employer). You get paid, invest that money, so that eventually you do not have to work.

Cut the BS with the personality non sense and get to work.

God you are such a fucking moron. Let me guess-you currently work for someone else?

For one, he specifically noted that this was a guide to be used IN CONJUNCTION with working to pay the bills (note: the spongebath part, weekends). I would say read the post again, but given that you don't even know how to use English in your comment, I would just say the following- don't procreate.

On second thought, disregard everything I said and keep thinking the way you do. I'm eventually going to start a business at some point and will need automatrons to staff the back office.

I just read the 1st paragraph and it was it. Couldn't read more of that sensitive BS.

But thanks for the insults. This is what having a personality is all about I guess. Good for you.

5/3/13

companion:

People tend to forget one thing:

The reason you work is because you lack capital. So you develop a skill and offer it to someone who have the capital you lack (i.e. employer). You get paid, invest that money, so that eventually you do not have to work.

Cut the BS with the personality non sense and get to work.

You're a freak bro.

5/3/13

companion:

People tend to forget one thing:

The reason you work is because you lack capital. So you develop a skill and offer it to someone who have the capital you lack (i.e. employer). You get paid, invest that money, so that eventually you do not have to work.

Cut the BS with the personality non sense and get to work.

Wow, really?

5/3/13

Not sure I understand the pic that goes with the OP's post. Does that mean black kids in high school have personality? The clown threads on this site never cease to amaze me. Thanks for the guide to not being a complete gimp.

5/3/13

I approve this message

5/3/13

Good points - but I would just say have something in the back of your mind for what you want to do in the future. What are you working towards? Do you have a goal outside of work?

5/3/13

Sephyre:

Good points - but I would just say have something in the back of your mind for what you want to do in the future. What are you working towards? Do you have a goal outside of work?

I think we're actually tackling two separate issues, although the point you make (having a cause?) is certainly valid.

What I'm actually advocating is proactively developing a set of past times and hobbies to get you through the shitty times, because honestly, things aren't always within your control. Think temporarily escaping from the rat race for the sake of emotional regulation. It also makes you more interesting because you'll be exhibiting a set of personal characteristics that are normally suppressed for the sake of professional advancement.

5/3/13

Re: the picture, it's actually an image I found of "Lil JJ', the comedian in the Youtube video. I wasn't implying anything about race, although I have, at least anecdotally, noticed that the African-Americans I hung out with in high school tend to be more enjoyable, personable, and exuding of swagger than the middle/upper-middle class white/indian/asian guys that I work with today. Think Kid President vs. The Office. I think it has to do more with socio-economics and age rather than race though.

5/4/13

Kato:

Re: the picture, it's actually an image I found of "Lil JJ', the comedian in the Youtube video. I wasn't implying anything about race, although I have, at least anecdotally, noticed that the African-Americans I hung out with in high school tend to be more enjoyable, personable, and exuding of swagger than the middle/upper-middle class white/indian/asian guys that I work with today. Think Kid President vs. The Office. I think it has to do more with socio-economics and age rather than race though.

Either that, or the deck is stacked against us because of the way we now define the word "swagger." And let's just say it's changed a bit since Shakespeare first used it.

I hate victims who respect their executioners

5/7/13

Kato:

Re: the picture, it's actually an image I found of "Lil JJ', the comedian in the Youtube video. I wasn't implying anything about race, although I have, at least anecdotally, noticed that the African-Americans I hung out with in high school tend to be more enjoyable, personable, and exuding of swagger than the middle/upper-middle class white/indian/asian guys that I work with today. Think Kid President vs. The Office. I think it has to do more with socio-economics and age rather than race though.

Really? LOL. Not implying anything at all? I think AdaptOrDie got it right earlier. Read: "My black friends are nicer and more fun than my white/Indian/Asian friends." Not racist...at all. Where's the sarcasm emoticon?

Think anyone would ever consider saying their white friends are better than their black/Indian/Asian/minority friends, without expecting to get flamed rough? Or be called a huge racist? Nope.

You, sir, do not sound enlightened. Just smallminded.

As for that post, not some bad stuff. Still racist.

5/3/13

honestly, there's an easy way out of this... just drink a lot and take a bunch of drugs. all your problems will be solved, i guarantee it.

vodka, vicodin, ecstacy, cocaine, viagra, ketamine, HGH... just do it bro, trust me. your life is going to get a whole lot more awesome... albeit quite a bit shorter.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

5/5/13

I mean, I know Viagra is a drug but I didn't know it made stuff that much more awesome...

"Hey bro, what are you on man?"
"I got some Viagra man! Woah...!"
"Holy crap that's some hard stuff man! Don't take too much bro!"

5/3/13

Good post OP, I like it.

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky
5/3/13

very good approach. this is supposed to be a solid one, after reading the first few lines. I knew that.

I'm just a humble clown. I juggle around just for a good laugh of yours.

5/4/13

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

5/4/13

krauser:

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

Interesting comment. (I disagree) How old are you?

adapt or die:
What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

MY BLOG

5/4/13

SirTradesaLot:

krauser:

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

Interesting comment. (I disagree) How old are you?

Mid twenties.
My parents don't really have any friends. Maybe 1-2 each, to whom they talk maybe once in a few weeks.
It's very rare for them to hang with their friends. They do have tons of "contacts", people who suck up etc.

I see this a lot. People who are professionally well off but don't have any friends to go to. At no point do they get to relax and just be themselves. God help them if they made a bad choice in marriage, that would be the last straw.

5/4/13

krauser:

SirTradesaLot:
krauser:

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

Interesting comment. (I disagree) How old are you?

Mid twenties.
My parents don't really have any friends. Maybe 1-2 each, to whom they talk maybe once in a few weeks.
It's very rare for them to hang with their friends. They do have tons of "contacts", people who suck up etc.

I see this a lot. People who are professionally well off but don't have any friends to go to. At no point do they get to relax and just be themselves. God help them if they made a bad choice in marriage, that would be the last straw.

Funny enough, I think we're already implementing my advice. A couple of points:

1) If you look at Point #1, I highlighted the importance of finding a "space" in which you can express yourself and discuss things without social status dictating the terms of the conversation. We're doing that right now. You're writing about issues (parents) that I'm assuming you wouldn't be as comfortable sharing in the workplace, and I'm going to write advice that you're probably going to read and at least momentarily ponder before doing whatever you're going to do. You don't know what I do for a living, I don't know what you do for a living, and it doesn't matter- an exchange of ideas is still taking place. Ironically, by attempting to refute my post, you have actually followed my advice.

2) If your Dad (or Mom), hypothetically took the day off and went bouldering, they'd meet a wide variety of people, including me. Assuming the guy can afford clothes and his own ride to the place, at no point will his professional background ever enter the conversation because that's not what we're there for- we're there to climb. It's not like any of us are going around asking each other who works at Goldman Sachs before deciding who will spot us- that's just ridiculous. Unless your parents really cannot set aside an hour a week, they will make it out to a gym, and they can make new friends that don't care about what they do. If anything, they more than anyone could and should follow the above advice.

But yeah, keep your head up man. Things will be fine. Also, if you're in your mid-twenties I would give your parents a call and ask them how things are going- won't be a waste of time.

5/4/13

Kato:

krauser:
SirTradesaLot:
krauser:

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

Interesting comment. (I disagree) How old are you?

Mid twenties.
My parents don't really have any friends. Maybe 1-2 each, to whom they talk maybe once in a few weeks.
It's very rare for them to hang with their friends. They do have tons of "contacts", people who suck up etc.

I see this a lot. People who are professionally well off but don't have any friends to go to. At no point do they get to relax and just be themselves. God help them if they made a bad choice in marriage, that would be the last straw.

Funny enough, I think we're already implementing my advice. A couple of points:

1) If you look at Point #1, I highlighted the importance of finding a "space" in which you can express yourself and discuss things without social status dictating the terms of the conversation. We're doing that right now. You're writing about issues (parents) that I'm assuming you wouldn't be as comfortable sharing in the workplace, and I'm going to write advice that you're probably going to read and at least momentarily ponder before doing whatever you're going to do. You don't know what I do for a living, I don't know what you do for a living, and it doesn't matter- an exchange of ideas is still taking place. Ironically, by attempting to refute my post, you have actually followed my advice.

2) If your Dad (or Mom), hypothetically took the day off and went bouldering, they'd meet a wide variety of people, including me. Assuming the guy can afford clothes and his own ride to the place, at no point will his professional background ever enter the conversation because that's not what we're there for- we're there to climb. It's not like any of us are going around asking each other who works at Goldman Sachs before deciding who will spot us- that's just ridiculous. Unless your parents really cannot set aside an hour a week, they will make it out to a gym, and they can make new friends that don't care about what they do. If anything, they more than anyone could and should follow the above advice.

But yeah, keep your head up man. Things will be fine. Also, if you're in your mid-twenties I would give your parents a call and ask them how things are going- won't be a waste of time.

I feel like you would be fun to have a blackout, 3 am philosophical conversation with.

"For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen."

5/5/13

duffmt6:

Kato:
krauser:
SirTradesaLot:
krauser:

As you get older it is nearly impossible to find people who don't give a rat's ass about what you do.

I have had a few "friends" who, as it turned out, were only hanging around because they needed me as a stepping stone to something better. And I am talking about college buddies. Once I did not have anything to offer professionally, they stopped giving a rat's ass about me.

Your advice, though useful, is very hard to implement.

Interesting comment. (I disagree) How old are you?

Mid twenties.
My parents don't really have any friends. Maybe 1-2 each, to whom they talk maybe once in a few weeks.
It's very rare for them to hang with their friends. They do have tons of "contacts", people who suck up etc.

I see this a lot. People who are professionally well off but don't have any friends to go to. At no point do they get to relax and just be themselves. God help them if they made a bad choice in marriage, that would be the last straw.

Funny enough, I think we're already implementing my advice. A couple of points:

1) If you look at Point #1, I highlighted the importance of finding a "space" in which you can express yourself and discuss things without social status dictating the terms of the conversation. We're doing that right now. You're writing about issues (parents) that I'm assuming you wouldn't be as comfortable sharing in the workplace, and I'm going to write advice that you're probably going to read and at least momentarily ponder before doing whatever you're going to do. You don't know what I do for a living, I don't know what you do for a living, and it doesn't matter- an exchange of ideas is still taking place. Ironically, by attempting to refute my post, you have actually followed my advice.

2) If your Dad (or Mom), hypothetically took the day off and went bouldering, they'd meet a wide variety of people, including me. Assuming the guy can afford clothes and his own ride to the place, at no point will his professional background ever enter the conversation because that's not what we're there for- we're there to climb. It's not like any of us are going around asking each other who works at Goldman Sachs before deciding who will spot us- that's just ridiculous. Unless your parents really cannot set aside an hour a week, they will make it out to a gym, and they can make new friends that don't care about what they do. If anything, they more than anyone could and should follow the above advice.

But yeah, keep your head up man. Things will be fine. Also, if you're in your mid-twenties I would give your parents a call and ask them how things are going- won't be a waste of time.

I feel like you would be fun to have a blackout, 3 am philosophical conversation with.

I agree. It's been SOOOO long since I've had one. I miss them....

5/4/13

Kato:

I used to work with a guy that had everything on the surface, but absolutely nothing inside.

We meet again!

I hate victims who respect their executioners

5/4/13

BlackHat:

Kato:

I used to work with a guy that had everything on the surface, but absolutely nothing inside.

We meet again!

Hello Patrick!

The Auto Show

5/4/13

Well that's just banking for you lol, it's your own fault if u chose a profession in which your only value add is sucking dick

5/4/13

Great read. Thanks for this.

5/4/13

I find this hilarious. No one in this day and age should become one of these old, dbag, rich drones no matter what you do. Do people seriously go trough college w/o making friends, partying, and experiencing life in general? Haha, fucking idiots.

5/5/13

droking7:

I find this hilarious. No one in this day and age should become one of these old, dbag, rich drones no matter what you do. Do people seriously go trough college w/o making friends, partying, and experiencing life in general? Haha, fucking idiots.

Not everyone went to a party school. Schools that have a lot of commuter students are especially bad for any partying/experiencing life. I know people who went to one, it's a totally different vibe. Not very fun at all...

5/4/13

that kid is hilarious. hope he makes it big

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis - when I was dead broke man I couldn't picture this

5/4/13

Kato:


He must have done some insane networking to get to (the) Apollo so young!
5/4/13

Good post. I would add that most people like the MD you describe are only showing you an edited version of their personality. You may think this is all the person is, but it may not be. He could be just a disciplined guy trying to avoid getting smeared.
In my own experience, I've found the most narcissistic employees usually control the culture and the politics. Because they need people to jump through hoops for them. And if they're senior and a yankees fan you'd better know who won the game the night before. The guy who does his work well and doesn't need his ass kissed has to play along. Otherwise, he's 'that guy' and gets smeared. Maybe he makes it, maybe he doesn't.

Best Response
5/5/13

Very interesting post. I'd like to add my point of view which could be of interest to you. First of all apologies if my english is a bit weird. I am not a native speaker.

A little bit of background to start with. I don't live in the States or the UK, but work at one those "top" "preftigious" financial busyide institutions that you all admire so much.

I have interacted a lot with "anglosaxon" people during my career, given that my company is from there, have spent long periods in those countries and work on a daily basis with people from those countries. There's one major thing that I have noticed (and hate) about anglosaxons. And it's not their fault. The US and the UK are great countries, with very professional people and societies that work really well. However, I don't know why but social interaction in countries like the US has evolved into major hipocrisy. I don't know why but that's the fact.

When I look at Americans interacting for business purposes, or even at social events (ie. when talking to a girl, to new people they meet or even to their friends) all I see is hipocrisy. They are talking but it is as if they weren't talking. That's the impression that I get. People play a role and although they do interact, they do not interact. They are not themselves. They are not authentic. 100% hipocrisy. I don't blame them for that, it's not their fault. They were born in a society that acts this way, they think it is normal to act this way and do never think about doing things differently because they don't have the perspective of other ways of interactive.

I look at these situations with sadness, with a feeling of certain non-arrogant superiority, but with a lot of love, believe me. Being superprofessional, being a soldier to you boss when he asks you to do something, not raising personal issues at work, is obviously a must, but do not mistake this with being yourself, being authentic, at work. I know that these words read like very vague concepts, but believe me when I say that this authenticity thing is really important.

I think I am the most professoinal guy at work. But I am not an hipcrite. I don't have meaningless conversations with people. I never talk to someone and then leave as if I hadn't spoken to them. And guess what? I am succesful with this strategy, and here's my little secret, it is my competitive advantage and have been very succesful in the buyside with this strategy. In a top preftigous institution as you call them where everyone is meant to be backstabbing everyone else and everyone is hipocrite.

When my superiors, or even the chairman of my fund, come and talk to me, at first they get shocked because they don't expect the way I talk to them. When I talk to someone, I try to "love" him and treat him as if my brother even though it is our first meeting. My bosses had at first their egoes shocked, because sometimes they told me their rational point of view about an investment pretending to be very smart and original, and I told them that they were radically wrong and told them why. Or sometimes they do come to me, with their big egos, talking about personal issues, with their families, wifes, kids, and they expect me to be learning from them because they know they are in a power position and have way more millions than I, but then they get an unexpected, insulting, ego-killing answer from me. At first, they were even angry. You could tell from their reactions. But after a while, they started to really appreciate myself because I am the only guy who tells them what I think, even if it's disgusting, insulting or ego-killing for them.

Please don't mistake them. If they give me an order and tell me to do this, I do this because I am a soldier and extremely professional. But when they tell something about their lives pretending me to kiss their ass and say "yeah you are right what you are saying is so smart" I tell it to them. And they do like it. Even the chairman of my firm comes to me ask for advice. I am 20sth, he is 60sth. They ask for advice about life, about family issues (I am not event married myself).

My observatoin is that no matter how hipocrite is a society ie. the US or a firm ie. a top financial insititution work environment, if you are yourself, if you authentic, people will admire you. People do business with people who deliver and adds value (ie.. if you are hipocrite but deliver they will appreciate you and be thankful for playing you role and you will have an average life as a financier but a good life, make it to the top), but if you want to be the number 1, people will do business with you only if they have a personal connection, something intangible, with you, because people do business with those who add value or those that they do like. That's the way it is. And in an anglo-saxon environment, I have a great competitive advantage and I am confident that people want to be with me and differentiate myself and people come to me and want to be with me, no matter if they are chairmen, because they have a friend in me, a natural guy in an environment that's completely lacking humanity and naturality.

Naturality, authenticity, brings the best because people tend to it but are not aware of it. But if you know this rule, you've won. When I see americans interacting with hipocrisy, smiling, it is so funny. They don't even notice it. They talk without talking. You break in the room, tell the same stupid jokes, the same stupid anecdotes, ask the same stupid empathy questions, and you are one of them, they like you and think you are one of them. But if you break in the room and are youreslf, and just tell what you think, just switch to actually loving people, being friends with whoever you are in front of, being really natural and authentic, and then you are the leader. And I not doing this to be the leader, don't take it as a recommendation to follow to be the leader, because it won't work then. I am just doing it because that's how i feel the most at ease, and then, being the natural leader is a consequence of it.

This works in all aspects of life, not only professionally. People befriend me and come to me asking about advice on what to do with issues with their wifes. People 30 years older. When I get introduced to a lady, she 95% of the time wants to come with me, even if she's one of those superhot models, I am not funny, i am not rich, I am not beautiful, and this happens because everyone sees that there's not that barrier of hipocrisy between me and them. When girls talk to other guys, they notice non consciously that those guys are false, hipocrites, that they are playing a game, there's that invisible barrier I am talking about. And sometimes, they go with those guys because there's a win win, because he's got money, or something for them. In my case, they come with me because I am myself.

Remember this: be yourselves. It's hard to understand when you were born in a society as the US where no one is itself, but believe me on this. It's the best skill you can develop in life. People will be attracted to you like a magnet. Americans love me. My bosses love me. Girls love me. Everything goes well in life. I don't have to play any character. I just say what I think in every moment. And I am superprofessional at the same time. And don't misunderstand me, I am not doing this to be loved by people, I don't need it, it is a consequence of it, I am doing this because that's the way I feel the best, you can't feel any better than by being yourself. All of you, all mankind, wants to be itself, it's a natural rule, but most of you don't even know it. And this is why when you meet someone who is itself, you just get attracted to that guy and want to be with him. You don't understand it consciously, but you want to be free, released, yourself, just as he is.

Have a good sunday!

5/7/13

advisers:

When I look at Americans interacting for business purposes, or even at social events (ie. when talking to a girl, to new people they meet or even to their friends) all I see is hipocrisy. They are talking but it is as if they weren't talking. That's the impression that I get. People play a role and although they do interact, they do not interact. They are not themselves. They are not authentic. 100% hipocrisy. I don't blame them for that, it's not their fault. They were born in a society that acts this way, they think it is normal to act this way and do never think about doing things differently because they don't have the perspective of other ways of interactive.

I look at these situations with sadness, with a feeling of certain non-arrogant superiority, but with a lot of love, believe me. Being superprofessional, being a soldier to you boss when he asks you to do something, not raising personal issues at work, is obviously a must, but do not mistake this with being yourself, being authentic, at work. I know that these words read like very vague concepts, but believe me when I say that this authenticity thing is really important.

You could tell from their reactions. But after a while, they started to really appreciate myself because I am the only guy who tells them what I think, even if it's disgusting, insulting or ego-killing for them.

That's called 'Schmoozing', there's even a vault guide for it. However hypocritical, it's an essential skill here. All my partners are masters of schmoozing - to probe the likelihood of getting the new deals/cheques from clients or getting stabbed by their employees.

Could you please elaborate your ego-killing strategy? Can it achieve similar effect to the one below? Thanks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoIvd3zzu4Y

The Auto Show

5/8/13

advisers:
Interesting comment.

Plus +1 .

It begs the question how the writer kept his cool/self even as an individual involved in the banking busy career.

That Americans are suck ups is not new. In the US we trump up "individualism" while actually being a herdsmen bunch. It will be very hard to find an original especially one working in the investment community. People are the same even down to their hobbies [sports].

"I like money (as do most females) but love is...great :)"-student
"Perhaps you've failed to take into account my hidden assets"-007
Omnia

5/5/13

Giving this a banana on the title "How to Develop a Personality" alone. Hilarious

5/5/13

CRE:

Giving this a banana on the title "How to Develop a Personality" alone. Hilarious

Lol. You've made the 1% of America yet again if you don't have a personality

5/5/13

This is quite scary to hear. I hope there are no soul-less employees at my company. HR should do a better job to eliminate people who are not well-rounded people.

Zombie trolling your way through the banking ranks should not be a recipe for success.

5/5/13

TLDR. intro to post, hell the whole post, is fucking gay.

5/7/13

And absurd.

5/7/13

Great post. This makes me value my time more than ever because afterall, even if you had a billion dollars you could never buy back the prime years of your youth. Time> Money. Working in a corporate environment as a worker drone can be a souless existence if you don't keep your social life and spiritual health in check.

My finance blog: AdviceAboutFinance.com

Twitter @samleefinance

5/7/13

Kato:
  • Plan your weekends - As sad as it is, no one is entitled to a personality these days. You're going to have to work for it. Most people are still stuck in the Matrix thinking that working hard alone solves all of life's problems and that "things will just work out" if you put in your time at the office. Um, no. Plan an activity, invite some friends, and if everyone's "tired", make it happen anyways and find new friends there. .

  • Looking forward to the day when I can do this again...

    5/7/13

    This is solid, common sense advice that I've seen a lot of ppl definitely not do (and not entirely their fault, it's hard to have the energy and time to do these things when you're working a crazy amount). I've met a rising star investment banking associate, and I can say the way he acts at work (charismatic but always sucking up) has more or less translated to how he treats people outside of work. He's got all these big ideas of things he wants to do outside of work (triathlon, etc) but he never quite has gotten around to them - he just keeps doing the standard friday drinking, saturday hangover, sunday work routine. As a result he's stuck in some sort of a rut, but I doubt he'll be in it for much longer if he starts having some follow through.

    Good post Kato.

    5/8/13

    I don't even remember what he wrote in that blog, I was laughing so hard at that little kid I'm pretty sure I blew a blood vessel and destroyed part of my brain.

    "You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
    "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

    5/12/13

    good post bro,

    my thought on this issue is that people nowadays are brainwashed. yep brainwashed and that is partly due to the 'moral relativism' thing, the power of the media, which in any given moment or time or story has some interests involved in it, directly or indirectly and the exponential increase of consumerism effects on society because of tougher competition forces and the value growth pressure among firms of every aspect. add to this the web of brilliant strategies of close to perfect advertising that comes along with it, which in many cases involve humungous research on how people perceive things and work on how to affect or even change their perceptions. and then, it builds a brand to sell and makes you want it. the brand of a successful, stress free, more than happy life: the brand of perfection. it builds a 'role model'. a model of which some are born to be close to it, some are not. something that we all want to but are not.

    every man on the face of the earth has his limits. and since no one can be perfect but knows the brand that sells, pretend to be like the 'model' and maintain this persona for the others while deep inside is in denial of his emotions and of what he is truly made of. so in other words is not guided from within but from the outside. eventually to him it doesn't matter what he really feels or thinks he just has to play along with the conventional rules and what the mainstream holds true. and then follow the flow. because in the end that's what everybody wants and talks about. that's what the society "cherishes". so its a safe way of getting ahead and along but away from oneself and stuck inside the crowd. from this point on one becomes a yes man to the outer forces and a no man to himself. and that is when one loses confidence and even personality. because his principles since every one is doing it he has to do it. the effect of crowd thinking or behavior. here, genuity and creativity is long gone, courage and honesty as well.

    there is a Japanese or Chinese proverb that roughly says: "any man who hasn't felt anger, fear, anxiety or love may be called a patient"

    another thing to notice is that society's values and norms are detaching quickly from the past ones and sometimes are guided by the rise of the soft a.k.a the weak ones in the top of media or in academia, which in any case they will project and protect their views through their means, not intentionally but naturally. views that related to their character and personality and how they perceive the world. a world where manhood is regarded as old-fashioned and straightforwardness as rude, loyalty as dumbness and cheating as normal, modesty as weakness and arrogance as confidence, greed as virtue and fairness as vice.

    There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to overcome.
    -William F. Hasley

    5/14/13

    brabus1:

    good post bro,

    my thought on this issue is that people nowadays are brainwashed. yep brainwashed and that is partly due to the 'moral relativism' thing, the power of the media, which in any given moment or time or story has some interests involved in it, directly or indirectly and the exponential increase of consumerism effects on society because of tougher competition forces and the value growth pressure among firms of every aspect. add to this the web of brilliant strategies of close to perfect advertising that comes along with it, which in many cases involve humungous research on how people perceive things and work on how to affect or even change their perceptions. and then, it builds a brand to sell and makes you want it. the brand of a successful, stress free, more than happy life: the brand of perfection. it builds a 'role model'. a model of which some are born to be close to it, some are not. something that we all want to but are not.

    every man on the face of the earth has his limits. and since no one can be perfect but knows the brand that sells, pretend to be like the 'model' and maintain this persona for the others while deep inside is in denial of his emotions and of what he is truly made of. so in other words is not guided from within but from the outside. eventually to him it doesn't matter what he really feels or thinks he just has to play along with the conventional rules and what the mainstream holds true. and then follow the flow. because in the end that's what everybody wants and talks about. that's what the society "cherishes". so its a safe way of getting ahead and along but away from oneself and stuck inside the crowd. from this point on one becomes a yes man to the outer forces and a no man to himself. and that is when one loses confidence and even personality. because his principles since every one is doing it he has to do it. the effect of crowd thinking or behavior. here, genuity and creativity is long gone, courage and honesty as well.

    there is a Japanese or Chinese proverb that roughly says: "any man who hasn't felt anger, fear, anxiety or love may be called a patient"

    another thing to notice is that society's values and norms are detaching quickly from the past ones and sometimes are guided by the rise of the soft a.k.a the weak ones in the top of media or in academia, which in any case they will project and protect their views through their means, not intentionally but naturally. views that related to their character and personality and how they perceive the world. a world where manhood is regarded as old-fashioned and straightforwardness as rude, loyalty as dumbness and cheating as normal, modesty as weakness and arrogance as confidence, greed as virtue and fairness as vice.

    Woah...nice read dude. Had me searching for the Japanese/Chinese proverb.

    5/15/13

    Thanks for your post, I love the ideas especially the one "Find an outlet for ownership"!
    To have a strong personality has no contradiction with being competitive in a career, we can do both and most of the successful people did. It is a higher standard in my opinion.

    5/16/13
    5/17/13
    5/20/13

    alpha currency trader wanna-be

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