6 Free Financial Modeling Lessons...and More.

Enter your e-mail below to get our new Free Modeling Tutorials ($200+ Value).

< previous | next >

Your Relationships And Your Career
 

DrPeterVenkman's picture
O
(Gorilla, 706
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 10:30am
Relationship.jpg

On WSO we often talk about what we can do to affect our careers. We often talk about how our careers affect us. We don't often mention how our careers can affect those around us. For those of you with a serious significant-other, or those of you with a family: How do you prepare them to deal with your career and the effects of all the demands placed on you? This spouse was able to adjust:

It strikes me sometimes what a different life other people lead. When I go to gallery openings or expositions, some people are genuinely surprised my husband couldn't make it at 7pm. He is at work, and if he were somehow off early that night, he is tired and doesn't want to be at some social event. It can be a bit of a bother, going to these things by myself. There are the weddings from friends or family that he can't make. I went to two weddings in his family, alone.

Does your job affect your relationship with your family or significant-other?

This one wasn't:

This is what wrecked our relationship in the end. He was married to his work, not to me. He was working for a big investment firm, running a kind of a hedge fund. I'd tell him, just quit. You have made enough for us to live on for years to come. What's stopping you? We can travel. You are destroying your health, you can't sleep without sleeping pills any more, then in the morning you need more pills to get going.

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm pretty sure any girlfriend I've had (including the incumbent) isn't going to be particularly thrilled with me working hours like those mentioned above.

Link to article here
Link to article here

See my WSO blog
Tags:

Comments

Anomanderis's picture

Marriage is overrated. It

ST
(Orangutan, 357
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:05am

Marriage is overrated. It becomes even more obvious when you have a significant other who doesn't see the writing on the wall, and keeps sabotaging the efforts one makes to improve oneself.

If you're with the right person, it should be fine - she'll be too busy chasing her career to complain about your impressive work ethic.

But Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought bravely.

And Rhaegar died.

bfin's picture

Anomanderis: Marriage is

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,772
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:09am
Anomanderis:

Marriage is overrated. It becomes even more obvious when you have a significant other who doesn't see the writing on the wall, and keeps sabotaging the efforts one makes to improve oneself.

If you're with the right person, it should be fine - she'll be too busy chasing her career to complain about your impressive work ethic.

Whats the point of being married then? if she is chasing her career and you're chasing yours...Not like you'll have time to have kids.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

antmavel's picture

DrPeterVenkman: There are

CO
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 11:23am
DrPeterVenkman:

There are the weddings from friends or family that he can't make. I went to two weddings in his family, alone.

That's straight ridiculous...not the hours but to go to someone else family's wedding without your partner...really weird...lol

Anyway, I think it is definitely an increasing issue across a number of professions and not only in finance. The generalisation of blackberries and other communication devices has made this a lot worse obviously because now you might be ouf of the office but still working which sometimes creates more tension than being at your desk...All this is about expectations, how you present it and how much effort you are really making to keep the relationship strong...but here are a few things I noted:

1/ once you are married or have family it's sometimes tougher on your lifestyle but at that point you are working for the benefit of all your family therefore your partner generally see the cost/benefits of your choices in a very different way than as a gf
2/ it's all about planning, you might be doing dog hours today but you might plan to move to a more relaxed environment in 5-10 years, that might what your partner wants to hear to accept the current situation
3/ At the end of the day it's also a lot about who you choose to live with...I mean gold diggers will not wait for you...but will be back in 10 years :-)

DrizzyDrake's picture

talking about

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:01pm

talking about entrepreneurship but works for any industry I think.

R0bin's picture

My girl gave me an ultimatum

(Orangutan, 292
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:01pm

My girl gave me an ultimatum when I was studying for the CFA, either we:

1) break up while I strive for greatness
2) or stay together and settle for mediocrity.

And then I gave her some sex therapy; now i get to stay with her AND strive for greatness

Baby you're the perfect shape, baby you're the perfect weight. Treat me like my birthday, I want it this way and I want it that way. It makes a man feel good baby.

bfin's picture

R0bin: My girl gave me an

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,772
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:09pm
R0bin:

My girl gave me an ultimatum when I was studying for the CFA, either we:

1) break up while I strive for greatness
2) or stay together and settle for mediocrity.

And then I gave her some sex therapy; now i get to stay with her AND strive for greatness

This deserves a +1

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

Ovechkin08's picture

These articles are from the

O
(Orangutan, 306
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:20pm

These articles are from the Guardian, which is a left-wing rag of a paper that caters to the OWS crowd here in the UK. No doubt they have been written to make the loveable losers in the public sector feel smug about themselves.

FormerHornetDriver's picture

Be careful RObin, as the sex

IB
(Orangutan, 363
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:23pm

Be careful RObin, as the sex therapy trick does not always work.

Well said, antmavel. It is all about 'expectations management' and picking the right partner. My wife understands two very important things about both my desires and the career I am about to undertake. First, she knows that the potential long term rewards outweigh the short term sacrifices. Second, she knows that I would not be happy in some 9-5, dead-end government job earning 90k a year just to get home at 5 pm everyday. One of the reasons she married me is because she admired my ambition, work ethic, dedication, and drive to better myself professionally. She knew the long term implications.

WARNING: There are a lot of young women out there (I know because I dated one for 4 years prior to meeting my wife) who fail to realize that high earners/acheivers DO NOT get there by working 9-5. She had the conflicting expectations of being off work at 4 and never missing family events while also providing the standard of living that cannot usually be achieved by a job like that. In the under-35 crowd there are a lot of women like this. Their thinking is quite disconnected from reality. Make sure you stay away from them......

hopesanddreams's picture

But some women who claim to

(Orangutan, 329
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:28pm

But some women who claim to 'understand their workaholic husbands' tend to sponge off their husbands money, spend all day in kitty parties and sleep with other men while their husband is banging the secretary in the office (the difference being the husband gets the same secretary all the time but the wife can choose different guys). So all in all the guy looses out anyway.

Anomanderis's picture

Ovechkin08: These articles

ST
(Orangutan, 357
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:34pm
Ovechkin08:

These articles are from the Guardian, which is a left-wing rag of a paper that caters to the OWS crowd here in the UK. No doubt they have been written to make the loveable losers in the public sector feel smug about themselves.

Really? The Guardian? Left wing?

But Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought bravely.

And Rhaegar died.

jesus of nazareth's picture

Yep. Lots of women under 30

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:40pm

Yep. Lots of women under 30 just don't get it. Relationships are overrated though, especially when you're in the process of sorting yourself out.

FormerHornetDriver's picture

Agree with the whole 'sorting

IB
(Orangutan, 363
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:52pm

Agree with the whole 'sorting yourself out' thing......

Unless you knocked some girl up, any professional, well-educated, driven young man is freakin' insane if he gets married before age 25. Keep your options open for as long as possible and do not sacrifice your future because of the demands some woman puts on you. Odds are, they are also young and just do not get it.

seabird's picture

Another reason to date a girl

PE
(King Kong, 1,480
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 12:58pm

Another reason to date a girl from a finance family?

“...all truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

- Schopenhauer

FormerHornetDriver's picture

jesus of nazareth: Yep. Lots

IB
(Orangutan, 363
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:01pm
jesus of nazareth:

Yep. Lots of women under 30 just don't get it.

What is everyone's theory on why these women just do not get it? One thing that I noticed is that many college educated, well-polished young women who come from families with successful parents do not understand how their father became successful enough to send their little girls to nice private schools and pay for their expensive cars, clothes, etc. They see their 50 year old father who has nights and weekends off and do not connect the dots that daddy was doing the same thing 20-25 years ago that their 27 year old boyfriend is doing right now: grinding it out doing 80-100 hours a week as an associate either in IB or at a law firm (or doing a medical residency, or whatever).

Young men seem to get this. All my male friends growing up who had successful fathers (or mothers) did not seem to have any delusions about the fact that if they wanted to follow in their footsteps they were going to have to spend 10-12 years really crushing it.

What does everyone else think about this?

R0bin's picture

There's a magic solution to

(Orangutan, 292
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:10pm

There's a magic solution to all of this, repeat after me:

"Though I try to learn your steps, I don't know what makes you dance. But just lay your cheeks on my chest and tell me everything that haunts your mind."

Baby you're the perfect shape, baby you're the perfect weight. Treat me like my birthday, I want it this way and I want it that way. It makes a man feel good baby.

jesus of nazareth's picture

FormerHornetDriver: jesus

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:19pm
FormerHornetDriver's picture

I think this is because these

IB
(Orangutan, 363
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:24pm
jesus of nazareth's picture

FormerHornetDriver: I think

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:26pm
Addinator's picture

FormerHornetDriver: jesus

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:34pm

Contact: [email protected]
See my other blog posts

RichardPennybags's picture

Here is a question: In the

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 1:47pm

"Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

hoodinternet's picture

RichardPennybags: Here is a

(Baboon, 123
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:00pm
RichardPennybags's picture

^thanks English is not my

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:08pm

"Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

UFOinsider's picture

hoodinternet: RichardPennyb

O
(Human, 10,331
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:15pm

YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...

neilol's picture

RichardPennybags: ^thanks Eng

IB
(Orangutan, 251
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:19pm
bfin's picture

RichardPennybags: ^thanks Eng

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,772
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:24pm

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

RichardPennybags's picture

It strikes me sometimes what

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:29pm

"Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

RichardPennybags's picture

bfin: RichardPennybags: ^th

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 2:42pm

"Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

westsidewolf1989's picture

I agree with most of what

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 3:10pm
technoviking's picture

this thread makes me

O
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 3:38pm
Charle's picture

I've got another kind of

AM
(Monkey, 43
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:06pm
ScoobyDoobie's picture

Women want what they can't

O
(Baboon, 163
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:20pm

Third prize is you're fired.

neilol's picture

ScoobyDoobie: Woman want what

IB
(Orangutan, 251
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:20pm
R0bin's picture

ScoobyDoobie: Women want what

(Orangutan, 292
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 4:21pm

Baby you're the perfect shape, baby you're the perfect weight. Treat me like my birthday, I want it this way and I want it that way. It makes a man feel good baby.

John Rolfe's picture

ScoobyDoobie: Women want what

AM
(Orangutan, 361
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 5:13pm
ScoobyDoobie's picture

Go to seekingarrangement.com

O
(Baboon, 163
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 5:54pm

Third prize is you're fired.

antmavel's picture

ScoobyDoobie: Go to

CO
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 6:21pm
ScoobyDoobie's picture

You seriously think that the

O
(Baboon, 163
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 6:42pm

Third prize is you're fired.

R0bin's picture

ScoobyDoobie: You seriously

(Orangutan, 292
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 6:49pm

Baby you're the perfect shape, baby you're the perfect weight. Treat me like my birthday, I want it this way and I want it that way. It makes a man feel good baby.

jesus of nazareth's picture

I don't cheat - but I don't

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 6:52pm
ScoobyDoobie's picture

Some people just don't like

O
(Baboon, 163
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 6:56pm

Third prize is you're fired.

BlackHat's picture

I hate coming late to good

HF
 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 7:01pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

jesus of nazareth's picture

BlackHat: I hate coming late

 
Points)
 on 6/21/12 at 10:39pm
mokey1234's picture

ScoobyDoobie: Women want what

 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 12:53am
ScoobyDoobie's picture

^^^ Look I understand that I

O
(Baboon, 163
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 7:42am

Third prize is you're fired.

BlackHat's picture

jesus of

HF
 
Points)
 on 6/22/12 at 7:59am

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

6 Free Financial Modeling Lessons...Straight to Your Inbox.

Confirm your name and e-mail below to get our best tips

Monkey Stats
Account information
We respect your Name and E-mail privacy. By joining you accept our terms of service.